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Racist friends

(229 Posts)
GagaJo Tue 09-Jun-20 12:15:03

I'm struggling with this.

I have a multi ethnic family. My friends ALL know my family. Consequently, I have perhaps naively assumed my friends were all non-racist.

The current Black Lives Matter protests have shown me my ignorance. I've had a lot on and hadn't posted anything in my social media about BLM. 2 or 3 friends have clearly taken this to mean I must be anti BLM and have either posted stuff online and tagged me in it or sent stuff to me via email/private messages.

I don't really know what to do. Some of these people I have known for over 20 years and have been very close to.

I've messaged them and expressed my shock but don't know what to do now. Do I wipe out people I used to regard as close friends? In the past, I've entered into dialogue about racism/politics and am happy to debate. BUT out and out racism is never acceptable.

Help?

moggie57 Thu 11-Jun-20 12:57:51

i would just ignore them if they say something nasty to you i would delete them. saying i dont like being spoke to like that. would they actually say it to your face? i think not .then they not really a friend are they.?

Oopsminty Thu 11-Jun-20 12:46:34

I should have mentioned that he committed suicide after his release

Oopsminty Thu 11-Jun-20 12:43:39

They are there for real offences that the judge ( or the jury ) has agreed that they have committed because there is evidence.

That's not quite right. A lot are on remand. Awaiting trial. Which can take years.

I've just watched this harrowing documentary

Kalief Browder Story, a six-part documentary series now on Netflix about one young man’s nightmarish experience of the US penal system

He was 16 and accused, falsely, of stealing a backpack. He had to wait 3 years in horrendous conditions before he eventually had his trial where he was proven innocent.

www.radiotimes.com/news/2017-09-29/netflixs-kalief-browder-documentary-a-harrowing-galvanising-insight-into-the-injustices-of-the-us-prison-system/

Summerlove Thu 11-Jun-20 12:38:06

lemongrove

*Summerlove*.....don’t go overboard, nobody is in jail on trumped up charges.They are there for real offences that the judge ( or the jury ) has agreed that they have committed because there is evidence.

Please do some research. Your antiquated and ignorant views are showing.

I’m not saying that all black men are perfect, but neither do all of them Who are deserve to be in jail.

Seriously. Research systemic racism. A lot of posts on this thread are directly supporting the argument that it does in fact exist.

Including yours.

Summerlove Thu 11-Jun-20 12:36:14

EllanVannin

Call me old-fashioned but children growing up NEED a father figure !

The father doesn’t need to be in the same house to be a father.

MissAdventure Thu 11-Jun-20 12:07:09

I think the minute silence is an acknowledgment of the wrong he suffered, and at whose hands.

It's not a round of applause for what a lovely chap he was.

ajswan Thu 11-Jun-20 11:20:53

MissAdventure

None of that excuses him being murdered, though.

Yes but don’t make him out to be a saint. One minutes silence, oh please, what an insult to brave soldiers etc.

ajswan Thu 11-Jun-20 11:18:30

GagaJo

Why is it a daft assumption? A white, middle class college boy is caught IN THE ACT of rape, by two witnesses and serves only three months in jail.

A black man uses a fake 20 dollar note and is murdered by a policeman.

Not a system that inspires faith that convictions of black men are always A) genuine and B) fair

Have a look at George Floyd criminal record including 7 years for armed robbery and breaking into a pregnant black womans house and pointing a gun at her stomach!!

MissAdventure Thu 11-Jun-20 11:15:57

None of that excuses him being murdered, though.

ajswan Thu 11-Jun-20 11:01:13

GagaJo, look at George Floyd criminal record if you can trace it

ajswan Thu 11-Jun-20 10:53:05

There are messages going round on social media saying that George Floyd has a long criminal record including serving 7 years for armed robbery and breaking into a pregnant black womans house and asking for money, when she didn’t give him money he pointed a gun at her stomach. I absolutely abhor the way he died but don’t make him out to be a saint. As for the rent a mob scum protesters injuring police officers and horses I hope that they will be found and arrested. All the people self distancing, why bother when these morons were breaking lockdown rules. Where were the protests when two black men tried to behead a British soldier.

Furret Thu 11-Jun-20 09:42:56

Lack of a stable male role model in a family is a sign, not of race, but of poverty and social deprivation. Having worked in deprived and predominantly white sink estates I can assure you this is very much an issue.

We ought to give credit to the single mums, black and white, who do their best to raise their children in areas that lack amenities, good schools, decent housing and support. Areas such as those where Sure Start was withdrawn under this government who had no idea the role it was fulfilling,

EllanVannin Thu 11-Jun-20 09:30:52

Call me old-fashioned but children growing up NEED a father figure !

GagaJo Thu 11-Jun-20 09:29:34

Thing is, if they wouldn't convict a white man/woman over it, they shouldn't convict black men/women. And it IS a fact that the prison population is disproportionately black. That isn't because blacks commit more crimes. It's the institutional racism is the justice system.

tickingbird, I read an EXCELLENT book about 15 years ago about black family patterns in the USA. It was very sociological and looked into the social causes of black family fracture. Also psychological and looked into the psychology of it all. I wish I could find that book again, it was illuminating.

Finally, (the father issue), we buy into the issue of the nuclear family, but actually, the nuclear family is in decline. I would posit the majority of children in front of me in class do not live with their bio mum and dad.

I grew up without my dad living in the same house (divorce). My daughter did too (divorce - husband was alcoholic. He's now sober and an excellent grandfather). Grandson's (NOT black) father did a runner.

How many of us on here are divorced or have divorced children OR single parent children? Perhaps we should fix our own 'broken' culture before we start dictating to others.

Personally, I don't think it is a sign of a broken culture that families aren't nuclear. It has always been the case (I did social history at university). In the past, often through death rather than divorce.

Children need loving parents. They need male and female role models. Those role models don't need to necessarily live in the same house. Those role models don't need to be biological parents.

EllanVannin Thu 11-Jun-20 09:28:00

Sadly this is the biggest problem the world over Tickingbird, no father figures in many households and it does have a bearing how children behave if a dad is present.

The majority of criminals have never had any grounding or stability in their lives and it's a sad indictment of how society is present day. This goes for both black and white families.

Furret Thu 11-Jun-20 09:27:40

Yes, so much overt and covert racism all over social media. People reveal their inherent racism without even knowing they are doing it. If you challenged them they would deny they are racist.

My SiL recently reposted that awful one about Lee Rigby - have you seen it? Saying there was no outcry when he was killed by black men. Two inaccuracies in one sentence for those with discerning minds. I managed to counter that with a heartfelt post from his mother disassociating herself from these vile lies. My SiL is actually a kind and caring person, but she put that comment on her FB page because she accepted it as true. She hadn’t thought to look who was spreading this muck about and had she clicked on the original post it would have led her to a far-right group.

That’s how racism is spread - to the gullible, the ignorant or the susceptible, by those who seek to indoctrinate them.

tickingbird Thu 11-Jun-20 09:16:26

70% without fathers isn’t because the absent fathers are all in prison either. It is a problem within the black community and it needs to be addressed. Fathering children with different women and having little or no input into that child’s life has to stop.

lemongrove Thu 11-Jun-20 09:09:22

Also it’s 140 white people 13 black people and 10 from ethnic minorities that have died during arrest or in police custody.
We cannot say that they have all ‘been killed’ by the police.

lemongrove Thu 11-Jun-20 09:06:49

Summerlove.....don’t go overboard, nobody is in jail on trumped up charges.They are there for real offences that the judge ( or the jury ) has agreed that they have committed because there is evidence.

tickingbird Thu 11-Jun-20 08:45:32

Apologies, not 163 blacks, but 140 whites 13 blacks and 10 from other minority groups That’s killed by police.

Amazing how nobody seems to notice these figures. Anybody?

tickingbird Thu 11-Jun-20 08:43:03

Summerlove I know my facts. Unfortunately you don’t. You’re talking rubbish dear and need to educate yourself. As for being small minded - look in the mirror. A mindset closed to the truth is dangerous and helps no one.

yattypung Thu 11-Jun-20 03:44:44

Well said Sparkling.

Summerlove Thu 11-Jun-20 03:02:45

tickingbird

summerlove What claptrap. Their fathers are all in jail on trumped up charges??? Really? Do you actually believe that? That is the most inane comment I’ve ever read on here and just shows how little you know and understand.

I could say the same to you.

Research dear. It won’t hurt you to look outside your own small minded views

Eloethan Thu 11-Jun-20 01:11:37

I suppose it depends on the level of racism.

Apart from about three or four friends, I suspect that many of the people I know have some views in relation to race which I would disagree with. One of my good friends has very different political affiliations from me - a committed Conservative with views often quite opposite to my own with regard to immigration, integration, etc, etc. If she expresses a view I don't agree with, I just calmly tell her I don't agree, and why. Then we usually drop the subject. There are things she says that I don't like but she is not a "bad" person and has a social conscience and does a lot for other people - visiting elderly, housebound people, helping in a club for older people, working in a hospice shop.

If people say something which I disagree with, I generally give my own point of view and leave it at that. If something which I consider to have undertones of racism is said, I challenge it. It would only be if I started to hear hate-filled opinions and outrageously offensive stereotyping that I would discontinue the friendship.

Having said that, if I met someone for the first time and got on with them well but, in the course of the conversation also discovered they had racist views, I would not particularly want to meet that person again.

I'm wondering if people are being deliberately obtuse in objecting to the Black Lives Matter slogan. It really is quite simple. Of course all lives matter but there isn't a great deal of evidence to demonstrate that black lives matter as much.

Callistemon Wed 10-Jun-20 23:51:42

Yes, it is a downside of social media today.
Having a like or dislike button is a danger too.