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Parental Alienation Court Case

(13 Posts)
McTavish Fri 19-Jun-20 10:11:53

My son is currently in court proceedings in an attempt to enforce the contact order made at the time of his divorce. He has two daughters aged 9 and 12.

My ex DIL has poisoned their minds to the extent they refuse to see him. He has not seen them since October despite officially supposed to be having them every other weekend. On the last two occasions when they came to his house (about a mile from their mother) they just upped and left and were rude and uncooperative whilst they were there.
(I was there too, having done the school run with the younger one).

He planned holidays only for them to refuse to go at the last minute. They won't speak on the phone.

Ex-DIL's family are supportive to him but she has effectively cut them off too. It's her way or the highway.

Does anyone have any experience of this situation?
My heart breaks for this loving father denied contact with his girls despite his best efforts. He has always been a hands-on father who loved spending time with them.

NotSpaghetti Fri 19-Jun-20 10:21:35

I don't have experience of this personally but have seen it happen.
How old are the children?

Bibbity Fri 19-Jun-20 10:21:49

I am so sorry for you, your son and the girls. This must be truly awful for all of you.
If the In-laws are supportive I would do everything possible to try and get them on side.
Have CAFCASS contacted him yet?
Can he get the money for a barrister? I would not cheap out over this.
Is it possible to get the girls into counselling?
Has he contacted any fathers rights charities?

Septimia Fri 19-Jun-20 11:39:24

While he is going through all the legal methods, I would also suggest that he documents everything that he does. Also to buy birthday presents (or at least put money aside for them) and anything else appropriate like writing to the girls and keeping copies of the letters.

He may not win the case or win the girls round now, but when they are grown up he will be able to show them that he tried his best and continued to care about them. They may well be interested in seeing him and finding out what he is like for themselves once they are adult.

rosenoir Fri 19-Jun-20 12:08:28

It is a sad situation, at that age the children cannot be forced to see anyone. As before they would just walk out.

Hopefully he can keep in contact by text in the hope that they will change their mind as they get older.

If he starts to demand that they see him or criticizes their mother it may finish contact completely.

ValerieF Fri 19-Jun-20 15:09:33

Very sad situation. Obviously we don't know all the facts but if the mother is being vindictive purely out of spite then you can only hope that sooner or later the children will come to understand this. At the moment they are too young to make their own minds up will come.

In meantime I think the only thing your son can do is to keep contact in a distant way (send letters, texts, emails, birthday cards, presents) All with positive messages about loving them and wanting to see them. Not any that criticise their mother no matter how unfair she is being.

It is one of those situations where 'insisting' they visit will not work. What about you, though, as their Grandma? Do they want to visit you? If they do, then just make it fun for them don't go into any problems with their dad. That way eventually, they will see what is happening for themselves.

Davidhs Fri 19-Jun-20 15:27:11

This happens very frequently and the father has just got to live with it, the parent who the children live with holds all the cards and the list of excuses for being difficult is endless. Court orders make little difference and the children are being poisoned all the more, maybe it will get better when they are older.

Sorry that’s the way it is

AGAA4 Fri 19-Jun-20 16:23:49

This is a very sad situation. There are some vindictive women who are just making themselves feel better by poisoning the minds of the children against their father.

They don't seem to realise that the children suffer too. Children who are told their father doesn't love them and is a bad father miss out on a very valuable relationship.

I feel for all fathers, who just want to see and care for their children.

Courts can only do so much. They can arrange contact but if the mother doesn't want it she has the power to cause the children to hate their father.

All you can do is wait for the children to get older and want to see their dad.

NotSpaghetti Fri 19-Jun-20 16:59:46

Sorry McTavish - I totally missed the ages.

McTavish Tue 23-Jun-20 13:45:42

Thank you for the very constructive comments. My son has done all that you suggest. At the hearing last week my ex-DIL was told to make them facetime him on Fathers' Day, which she did, so at least he had that. She was also told to maintain regular contact. We shall see!

I live about 75 miles away so have never seen them regularly and it was always "walking on eggshells" with DIL when she was present.

Bibbity Tue 23-Jun-20 13:50:10

That’s wonderful! I hope he had a lovely chat.

Toadinthehole Tue 23-Jun-20 16:39:25

Your DIL needs to realise, that if she carries on poisoning their minds, it could backfire on her later on. They are adults a lot longer than they are children, and she could find herself in the position...a few years down the line, of being rejected by them, ( because she stopped them having a relationship with their father), and having no access to grandchildren. People so often knee jerk react, without thinking of the future consequences.

Grandma2213 Wed 24-Jun-20 02:25:54

It works both ways - a coercive, controlling father who threatened that she would never see her children again if she left him. Mr Nice Guy on the surface has made sure she has not seen them for several years despite a fortune spent on legal fees. She has to pay maintenance because he cannot work due to 'stress'. She sends letters, gifts and is distraught every birthday, Christmas and many times in between not knowing if they receive them. She has now had to accept the situation to some extent because she cares about the damage that might be done to the children and can only hope that as adults they are not too indoctrinated to see what really happened. This is so cruel.