Worried about single daughter/s

I have to say it.
The air of desperation isn't the most attractive feature, especially if the parents are desperate, too!

Thank you. I just hate to see her saying ‘there must be something wrong with me’ when she is such a lovely person. Makes me sad.

@sodapop it's true there are plenty of examples of unhappy couples. Plenty of unhappy singles too! The point of this post was that the OP's children are unhappy single. It's not to say that one cannot be happy alone.

Yes then we can flog them off to some passing millionaire Naty

I don't see that being in a relationship is the be all and end all. Plenty of threads on here to suggest otherwise. Some people are quite happy being single and having good friends.

Grammaretto. I also think there are too many Mollycoddling parents, there is no reason for kids to leave home if their needs are being met, but thats another topic.

How about ask your kids for permission and then set up a post describing them. Other posters can then set their grown children up! Start a thread advertising your children. Be careful with personal details.

I am quite surprised reading so many stories of lonely young women because what I see when I look around me is lonely young men!

I can think of 3 or 4 sons of my friends who still live at home aged 30 plus!
I blame the parents. I truly do.

We expected our DSs to leave home and find their way in the world and they did. These molly coddling parents are not helping at all.

I also know of 2 women who deliberately got pregnant (one was IVF) to have a child, without wanting a partner. I think that is selfish. A child needs to know its father.

Oh please tell me he has a brother who isn't fussy!
I'm not sure how much longer I'm going to be able to do my job.

An acquaintance was 31 and hadn't found anybody after her engagement ended. The man was no longer interested...she was on various websites and read "the rules" or some book that megan markle read to land harry...she then met a man and moved internationally to be with him. They married within a year after meeting, had 3 miscarriages and had a baby 2 years ago. There is hope! But she needs to open up her hobbies and go where the men are. No pubs! Websites! I'd look into paying matchmakers too. You could get the ball rolling if you gift your girls memberships (ask first, of course).

I also was very desperate at a certain point...I was 24, though....but I met someone when I improved my standards greatly. I wrote a list if the qualities I wanted and I also said a prayer and there were so so many strange coincidences that day...you'd think I was making the story up...long story short: there are miracles that happen. I believed in true love and stopped seeing loser guys. I'm married to my love who fell out of the sky and we have a kid 10 years later.

If I were 32 and single, I'd be panicking. Turn that panic into doing something proactive. FAST. 32 is still young enough...people have kids until their 40s these days. There is hope!

One of my aunt's friends met a millionaire in her 40s...unfortunately they couldn't have kids. But she's got a painting that's worth 1mil in her livingroom.

Another person I know met a millionaire in her 60s...She's travelling the world now after making minimum wage..

LynnP what a lovely story. Must give the OP hope for her daughters. I do think it's not out of the ordinary for people to couple up much later..at least online dating is available to your daughters..

Therapywise I would recommend CAT (cognitive analytic therapy) to help recognise unhelpful ways of relating.

My niece didnt meet the love of her life until she was in later 30s. She had her darling baby when she was 43. Your daughter needs to relax...a relaxed person is more likely to attract the right person

I think I am breaking the mould here as my daughter is 39. She was in a 13 year relationship, bought their own home, but then he cheated on her with a younger model ( doctor met nurse) and they are now married. Daughter was totally devastated and has taken 4 years to rebuild her life. I paid him out so she could stay in the house she loves. She has no intention of being a mum but she attempt to adopt last year. That was unsuccessful due to child being severely damaged so she is now concentrating on her career plus a good social life. She travels solo, such as to Australia, Peru, Borneo. She has tried on line dating but admits it is hard work and can be a full time job and she already has one of those! My point is that women today have choices and do not need to be pressured into pregnancy or unacceptable relationships just to say they have a partner. I am a great believer in fate and what will be will be. I hope your daughter finds happiness whatever she dies

Lynnp

A year ago my daughter was in exactly the same position feeling lonely and wondering if she would ever find somone. She is 32 and has had couple of past relationships that didn't work out. She had been on her own for five years and had even bought a dog! (which helped her hugely btw). Last summer she met her current partner and their baby was born last Monday. Not that I would necessarily recommend such speed and it wasn't planned but they are both totally besotted with the baby and committed to making it work. The point is that things can change so quickly and unexpectedly so your daughter shouldn't give up hope. I wish her all the best.

Thank you. X

It will probably happen naturally and I am sure your girls will find happiness. A friend of mine who was a total disaster with men gave up after broken engagements etc and all of a sudden she met this man totally out of the blue. She was in her late 30's by then and 6 weeks later they were married! 34 years they are still married and very happy. Sometimes when you go looking for these things to happen they don't and it does come along very quietly in the end.

I suggest she reads a book by Rachel Greenwald, The Program: Fifteen Steps to Finding A Husband After 30 Paperback. There are other similarly useful books. She needs to use her learning to formulate attendance at suitable activities and act in ways that support mate finding and recognising when she has met a suitable person.

you are right to be concerned and willing to help your daughter. I have nieces just coming up for 40 who are now considering going for artificial insemination and wondering if they can bring up a child on one income!!! You should look at your net work and find out who amongst your friends have unmarried sons or who have friends with unmarried brothers etc and set up some family parties over Christmas if Covid 19 allows.

All the best

Pollyj I could almost have written your post. I was on the verge of starting a similar thread. I have two, beautiful daughters, different personalities, educated, charming, kind, good jobs. The older one is happily independent, feels no need to marry and have children, but she is a romantic soul and could I think be persuaded by the right man. The other daughter has been unlucky in love and yes, in danger of appearing a bit desperate, but dearly wants to 'partner up' and have babies. It's so difficult to meet anyone. She has tried joining things and online dating. Perhaps Gransnet could start a matchmaking service and we could put our lonely adult children in touch with similar. I know my younger daughter would be up for it as she's even asked me if I know anyone who might be suitable! 36 years ago, a 'friend' told me I was getting left on the shelf aged 21! So I felt pressure to marry ... almost anyone, and met my husband (my one and only) through an agency. I was shy and with no self-esteem, but felt that I needed to get married as all my contemporaries were, or else be, a spinster and a failure. My husband-to-be was similar really, so we had the same sort of aims. Still together, for better, for worse... . I am so very glad those stupid days are over when it was a race to see who could get an engagement ring on their finger first. I wish I'd had enough self belief to know that I could exist singly.

A series of relationships mean that those are attempts to make it work with the other person to achieve the same goals together - marriage, long term relationship, living together, just have fun, etc.

It either didn't work and they broke up, the relationship fulfilled its goal and they moved on, etc.

Marriage is not always the end goal for everybody

Just a thought. Why is it now almost the normal thing to have a series of "relationships"? Whatever happened to marriage?

I have three highly suitable sons, none of whom ever seemed to be interested in girls. However, two of them are now married to young women who pursued them with great determination and who deployed psychology and persuasive charm to get what they wanted. They are splendid DiLs. So girls, don’t hesitate. I still have one to spare ....

My eldest daughter was 40 when she finally got married and has been very happy, especially after having her daughter. My other daughter - I despair of her finding a partner, but she claims her 6 year old son is all she needs!!

They will find partners when they are good and ready!

My friend was 42, had never met anyone she liked, let alone would marry. So she got on with her life. She adored Rumi the poet so went on a Rumi holiday to Turkey, was sitting near his shrine, when a man said hello. They married and have really stayed in love! I had an unhappy marriage and being 45 I prayed for help and found myself deciding being on my own for the rest of my life was a better option. I divorced. Three months later went to a ‘retreat’ met my husband fell in love, and am living happily ever after. Another friend was 39 and was worried. I said love yourself, then figure out your priorities in a man and pray. She went on reputable dating app. She’s very happily married with two children.
Sometimes women pick a man for looks who’s the last thing they need. So a good looker who beats women, or a suave charmer who cheats. Girls must know what their priorities are. If it’s faithfulness he might not be suave or rich etc Sometimes prayers work best.

There is nothing more guaranteed to repel suitors than someone who is desperate /needy/lonely , no matter how beautiful they are.
Take all the excellent advise of the other posters, and kick back and stop mentally pushing yourselves into a corner.

Actually, at 32 you don't have a lot of time as far as having children is concerned. Fertility in both sexes does tend to lessen as you progress towards 40.

Most countries have a ban on adoption after the age of 40 and probably on fertility treatment as well.

Men in the age group your daughter is looking at, may already have children and not want more!

So it is time for your daughter to work out why her relationships fail and she may need professional help to do so.

I hope and trust she will find a man while there is still a possiblity of children, but you and she need to be realistic about this.

Some years ago I ran a small dating agency for my local area. I managed to marry off 3 couples and I was very happy about that! I gave it up as it took up too much time and I was working full time anyway.
I have tried a few dating agencies myself in recent years since my husband died. I had a few dates and decided it wasn't for me after all. The men all seemed lovely from their profiles but when I met them in real life they were all too pushy.
Your daughter may have better luck with dating agencies. But you do have to be careful and always meet in a public place, as I used to tell my clients.