Torn

the child first and foremost.
adults' feelings are unimportant by comparison.
the child is utterly dependant.
he must come first. what is best for him.

I believe the OP stated that her son did not have any "deep relationship" with this "semi-partner".

Quote from OP [My son is the father of a beautiful baby, but is not and has not been in a relationship with the mum. He made it clear from the start he did not want to be a dad but she went ahead anyway.] End Quote.

I always believed it takes two to make a bargain. ??

Or could it be that this instance places social distancing into a whole new perspective? ?

Hope2020 has come on here asking for help.Some of these replies are awful and lack compassion. She is in a very difficult situation and trying to do the best for everyone.I agree with fever tree about explaining position you are in to son and the baby's mum and hope some compromise can be reached. I wish you well

I had a very similar situation but persisted it all and kept up contact
My son after a lot of problems now adores the child. He is 2 now the light of all our lives. He comes here at wèekends and they co parent very well
Its not easy but the child is the most important in all this.

I don’t know how you can look at him without disgust.
You need to sit everyone down and speak up. Who cares if he’s hurt?! The baby didn’t ask to be made!
You have the opportunity to be apart of this baby growing up!
She has been exceptionally reasonable in welcoming you. Not many Grans would’ve had that privilege if their feckless sons had done what you had. The baby is innocent. Please don’t punish him.

I'm the granny on the other side of a similar situation. Accidental pregnancy. The father wanted my daughter to have an abortion. She doesn't believe in abortion. The father wants nothing to do with his son.

I'm very sorry to say, that my daughter wouldn't want the paternal grandparents involved either, since the father hasn't stepped up to be involved.

If men are adult enough to create babies, they should be adult enough to be responsible fathers too. I do appreciate that depression is a debilitating illness. But it didn't stop him from having sex with the girl. For which he is 50% responsible.

Are you on good terms with the mother?
Is she pressing for your son to be involved, or only for the other family members to be involved?
And the family would like to be, but don't want to upset your son?

I think you are letting your son off the hook here as if he didn’t want to be a dad he should have used a condom shouldn’t he ? It takes two to tango
He supports financially so we ll give him a ✅
It sounds as if you didn’t want to meet the little chap but did it only to get her off his back now you are obviously fond of him as you say it would break you heart to not see him
First I think you should have a serious talk with your son and tell him that even if he doesn’t want anything to do with his baby his family should be able to if they want to
I can understand the mum wanting the baby to know about his paternal family
Be kind to her it’s not easy bringing a baby up with a father who she not interested

I really feel for you Hope.

I understand your post to mean that the mother went ahead with the pregnancy despite your son having said he did not want to be a father.

As for having no relationship, I surmise that they were having casual sex, as seems to happen nowadays.

I can't really give you advice, it is a complicated situation. All I can think of is that you explain the position you are in to your son, and also to the baby's mother, and appeal to them for understanding how hard it is for you.

yes you seem to not see the situation clearly OP.
i know most mothers think their sons are above reproach, but to blame the woman in this case is so misogynistic.
she didn't extract his dna by force did she.
anyway, i don't quite understand the present problem.
is it that unless your son steps up to be a bit of a father to this lad then the mother won't let you see the child anymore.
and your son won't do that.
i don't know. i think everyone needs to put what is best for the child uppermost.
how old is he. does he know, recognise, like you.
would he miss you if you weren't around.
i don't think the mother should use your access to him as a lever against his father.
what is it she actually wants from the father. presumably he is paying maintenance.
why doesn't he want to get more involved. doesn't he care that he has a child. planned or not. does he not feel any protectiveness towards the child.
if he could that might take him out of himself a bit,
maybe be less depressed if he could see he had a role.
that he had a role to stand up for someone more vulnerable than he is.

Lockdown brain has clearly got to me. It I couldn’t make head nor tail of this tale

So even though the young lady wasn't using birth control, your son decided not to bother with a condom. It takes two. You've been trying to get her off his back?

eazybee

So it was an immaculate conception, was it?

Yes I have been trying to work out how the Baby came into being if the father had no relationship with the mother.

I like the "but she went ahead anyway". ??

Can anybody please explain.

So it was an immaculate conception, was it?