I have just found out I am a granny .... from a stranger.

QueenieUK I agree with Bluebelle. Send her some lovely flowers and put in a little note in saying you love her. I hope it works out for you, you must be very upset.

Lemsip you nasty person. You obviously have no compassion at all. I wouldn’t like you as a friend.

I really feel for you and I know exactly how you feel. I have not seen one of my sons for nearly 10 years, we feel out after he got engaged as his fiancee turned him again us and we were not invited to their wedding in the UK.
I was told by one of my other sons that he had a son and it felt like someone had punched my in the stomach and quite took my breath away. I gradually had to accept it and he did eventually send me a photograph and telling me his name but I have no idea when he was born.
I have since heard that he also has a daughter now but again no idea of her dob.
Being your daughter, perhaps you could write to her but I would not say that you know she has a baby. You could just ask her how she is and how she has been coping with the lockdown, tell her you love her and can't stop thinking about her but do not make her feel guilty for not telling you about your grandchild.
I really hope you manage to sort things out. i really wish I had done something sooner but the main problem is my husband and he could have sorted things out sooner but he choose not to.
I don't even know where he lives.

I'm so very sorry Queenie. We are estranged from our youngest son and only GC so I know only too well that physical pain and being unable to breath.

Even if there was a part of you that thought one day your D would have a child of her own, and you would get the news from a 'stranger', the reality is shocking.

I don't know if during the last 4 years you've tried contacting your D, and if so when the last time that was. If you haven't done so, and I can understand why, I would advise against contacting her in anyway as no doubt it will be seen as you only being interested in your GC.

Your mother's influence over your D is extremely strong, it must be for you to have been estranged in the first place, so when you say you're "not brave enough to step into the arena with (your) mother ever again" be aware that your mother may not be the only person in the arena you'd face; your D could well be there too.

As difficult as I know this is, my advice for what it's worth is to do nothing. Unless the relationship between your D and your mother has changed, your estrangement is unlikely to change.

You D, now a mother herself may come to regret losing her relationship with you, her own mother, and contact you.

As Oopsadaisy has said, there is a choice to be made here but I don't think it's yours, to choose between your mother and your D, I think it's your D who must choose, between her GM and her mother.

Take care and come back and let us know how you're doing.

Lemsip is even more vile. I was wondering with that reply if the poster lived on sour grapes but I see it is bitter lemons.
The OP is distressed and asked for our advice, she did not deserve that reply.
OP please reach out to your daughter, explain she was loved and wanted, and then be prepared to wait. I hope you are not still seeing your Mother, but if you are, for your own sake stop now, she has ruined your life long enough.
Good Luck OP.

Queenie, how distressing.
I can see your dilemma. If you send something to your DD and not to your new DGS, that could be misconstrued.

Perhaps a letter saying how pleased you are to hear about your grandson and that you would like to send him something, if that’s acceptable.

Small steps may lead to something more.
Good luck. ?

Lemsip I think that’s the most cruel post I’ve ever seen on Gransnet. It puts the nastiness on the political threads into the shade.

Queenie good advice from Bluebelle. I do hope you manage to re-establish a relationship with your daughter

Well I know lemons are bitter but that was some nasty post lemsip You really should be ashamed of that reply

FFS Lemsip what a spiteful reply, this poster has had years of abuse from a very toxic Mother, she has lied and ruined any relationships the OP had. Of course she is upset she did not know she had a Grandchild.

I hope given time things might change with your daughter and you have a relationship with your Grandson.

Surely the perfect reason to attempt a reconciliation. Simply write to your daughter and tell her you you are delighted to hear she has had a child, and you hope all is well. Then wait,
(and stop dragging your mother into everything.)
Time for a fresh start.

Are you still in touch with your mother?
If not then I would do what Bluebelle suggested.
If you are still in touch with your mother, then it’s time to make a choice, her or your daughter.
Hopefully you will be able to have some sort of relationship with your daughter, but until you make the break you won’t.
Time to Man up ( as they say)

That’s very unkind lemsip and I hope you are proud of yourself. Did you actually read the post?
Good luck to the OP - I hope you can get some happiness from the situation.

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Gosh that’s heartbreaking and I m not sure what I would do in that situation for the best You whole Being would want to go and see her but then she might think it’s only for the baby and not for her I m sure other posters will have better ideas but how about some beautiful flowers (just for her) perhaps nothing at this stage for the baby because I wouldn’t want it seeming that you want to get involved just for the baby so perhaps some flowers telling her you think about her every day and how happy you are for her and how much you love her ...then play the waiting game