Should I risk seeing my male friend

Am I reading this right? did he arrange to meet up with a friend whilst you were there? if so how inconsiderate of him, I would definitely have finished the relationship there and then. Surely you met up to be together and to get to know each other not for him to see an old friend at the same time??
He sounds to me like a no no

If it weren’t for coronavirus would you want to give him a hug back? It’s not a crime for two people to be sexually attracted to each other. But it’s really difficult at the moment for lots of people. My friend’s granddaughter and her boyfriend are both shielding and feel it’s too painful seeing each other if they can’t be close. My daughter is vulnerable and her partner is a care worker. They were seeing each other at other ends of the garden and it was hard, especially the first time but better than not seeing each other at all. Now when her partner has a few days leave he has tests and isolates till he gets the result and spends a day or so with her. It is still a bit of a risk as tests aren’t 100% but there is complete safety and then there is what love demands. Of course this man may be iffy like anyone you don’t know well when you start dating but you have met him twice and Skyped him every night. You must like him so far. It is really hard. It’s very awkward meeting someone and distancing. Especially when it’s someone you don’t know too well and there is a romantic possibility. Whether either of you can actually sustain or grow a relationship in this situation who knows. You risk loosing the Skype relationship which has obviously been pleasurable for you both. I think you are probably going to meet him. If it was me I would probably insist on distancing for that first meeting at least and discuss it with him beforehand. If he won’t agree to it, you probably have an answer as to whether this relationship can even start to go anywhere. Unless of course you are willing to take the risk too. Which you might decide you want to. It is your choice. But if you are reluctant and he is pressing it does bring up whether he cares enough you and about your feelings and has the potential to be serious about you. Being a doormat is never the answer. A good man who really likes you won’t be put off. A man who is, would never be any good for you anyway. Good luck.

Schumee, if he's serious about you, he'll wait. It's easier to not see people just yet, I think, then there's no temptation to take risks.

At least he has warned you what he would want to do so if you still decide to meet, be firm make it clear before you meet there is not to be physical contact of any kind.The best things are worth waiting for He should show respect for your wishes but you will only find this out by meeting up with him again.

If he really cares he will understand. Simple really. Hope it works out for you x

Boundaries are really important

Exactly, Flakesdayout. I met up with my bloke once, because he said he'd isolated and had a test (I saw the test result). While I was with him, he arranged to meet up with a friend and was shocked when I said I'd be gone when he got home after seeing the friend.

My rule has been the same all the time since March. Don't know why he was shocked!

Do you know where he has been throughout lockdown? Has he been meeting people, socially distancing etc etc? It is nice that he wants to hug, but he has to be responsible. Personally I would wait a while or meet out in the open with no touching. As others have said trust your instincts. Lets hope he is just a really nice touchy feely man. Oh just seen your latest post - good luck x

If you have to ask a question to complete strangers on forums such as this, you have your answer already!
If you are not sure, don't do it!
I'm always wary of men that say words to the extent of "I won't be able to keep my hands off you" my experience means that they either are smooth talking and not really worth bothering with, or you could be coerced into doing something that you don't want to do!

Translation: "... you know you want to see me, so it's par for the course that you'll let me hug you..." He didn't even ask for your opinion.

I always think it's good to go with your instincts. What struck me was that you have already met him twice so maybe there was something about his behaviour that has made you cautious? With online relationships, even when Skype you only see people how they want to be seen for that period of time. It's not unknown for people to have multiple people they chat to or see. If it has the potential to be a genuine relationship he will understand. If he disappears in a puff of smoke he may have done that anyway . Good luck.

I think if you are asking us, you really are not feeling it is right. Follow your instincts.

Tell him your more than happy to meet up , be it a walk on the beach or chat on park bench , but make it clear he needs to keep his distance at all times . Think his attitude is all wrong in saying he can’t see you without giving you hug , as he’s not taking in your feelings , and his “ hug” could well have other things on his mind . I’m on the dating scene and no way would I agree to meet up on his terms alone , dating is 50/50 these days , not one sided , so be extra careful .

Thank you all for your helpful suggestions, I think I probably knew the answer in my own head but wondered if I was being too anxious. I have suggested meeting up outside and will take it from there.

You're the only one who can make this decision because you know him. If you've been talking through lockdown you must have got to know each other and be able to say what you want. Tell him you'd love to hug too (if you do) but you're not happy to do it yet. You feel you need to respect the guidelines for a while longer. If he's a nice man he'll be OK with that even if it's not what he wants. If he says he won't meet you unless he can touch you then it's a bit creepy.

I am with Sunlover on this.

Explain that you are not willing to hug and surely he should understand. Then with those ground rules you could meet for coffee outside.

If he really feels unable to manage himself and not hug you, then I would consider that a warning flag and be very dubious about continuing the friendship.

Saying that he would be unable to resist hugging you may have been light hearted. You probably just need a further conversation to clarify and set some ground rules.

Hope all goes well ...?

BlueBelle

If you feel happy with the situation and also want a hug do so if you don’t want to meet and have a hug dont
You really can’t get your answers from here it will be our feelings not yours would you ask your mum ?

If you’re adult enough to have a relationship you should be adult enough to make your own mind up

I thought that too. It thought I might be accused of being unkind. Anyway OP hasn’t come back so who knows?

If you feel happy with the situation and also want a hug do so if you don’t want to meet and have a hug dont
You really can’t get your answers from here it will be our feelings not yours would you ask your mum ?

If you’re adult enough to have a relationship you should be adult enough to make your own mind up

he might be a keeper ??
And he might be a bully and a health risk.
Why chance it?

See him, but refuse to hug or touch him. Tell him beforehand so that he knows your boundaries.
It’s a tough time to start a new relationship, but if he agrees to do what you ask him, then he might be a keeper.

I won't meet up with my partner of 15 years because he won't isolate for a period before seeing me. He thinks the rules are silly. I say, if he really wanted to spend time with me he would. I'm taking no extra unnecessary risks.

no don't do it.
suppose he makes a lunge and grabs you.
and you will have that fear all the time you are with him.
you will be on edge, trying to suppress it, think of the energy of that.
trying to be nice, polite, not hurt his feelings etc..
typical female behaviour/ conditioning.
which so many men play on. he might. he might not.
why take the risk.
i recoiled when i read that bit about, doesn't think he can see you without giving you a hug.
talk about entitlement.
and his get out clause; if he does it and you protest, he can say, well i did say i would have to hug you...
no. this does not bode well. be very careful. do not meet.

Meet him for a coffee or lunch outside. Explain how you are unsure about hugging anyone yet. If he likes you he will understand and wait till you feel comfortable.
I’m not comfortable hugging anyone at the moment. Not even family.

I wouldn't meet him.
I guess you must have told him you think hugging would be too risky, and his reply was that he might not be able to help himself.
So he has failed to accept your legitimate concern and, in my opinion, can't be trusted.

Even if he agrees not to hug you (grab you without your consent) you will be worried that he 'won't be able to help himself' and, of course, he may actually do it, causing even more concern for you.

You sound as though you like to be super-cautious, as I do, so meeting up with this guy seems like it's not worth it.

Maybe it is just his way of saying he finds you attractive Schumee? Doesn't mean he will grab you and force you into anything. If you meet up, how do you know it won't be you that will want to hug him?

If you both want to meet up then go ahead, meet in an open space. A park bench will do. Talk, get to know each other a bit more, arrange to meet again if you want but don't assume because he has said that he is disrespecting you or the distancing rules. Obviously if he does overstep the mark then you know he isn't the one! Give him a chance in real life though if you think there is something there.