Families ?

Congratulations Mawb
I'm sure you will have a lovely time pondering all the wonderful memories of your 47 years with Paw
Enjoy the company who will be there with you... we never know everything that's going in in another person's life or the reasons they 'choose' not to be with us when we wish they were.
I believe a happy marriage lives on so Happy Golden Wedding Maw
You will have a lovely celebration

They all have busy lives, as the children grow up they have their own commitments and frankly I think they do much more than we did 30 years ago! But I admit I was very disappointed that DD1 and family will be away next weekend which is the 50th anniversary of our wedding. I hadn’t done a “save the date” because I suppose I thought they might have remembered but that’s life. As I said to them, I just don’t want to spend that weekend on my own.
The other DDs and families can come which is the most important thing to me and I have included sisters in law (who were my bridesmaids) and BIL.
Not really calling it a Golden Wedding as Paw only made it to the 47 year mark, but still a date to commemorate.

I have given up with family gatherings. I used to enjoy them but the family structure has changed and I can't face them now. Such a shame.

BoBo53

I actually prefer smaller gatherings with each of our 3 kids and families. If we all get together the AC spend the whole time together while we slave feeding everyone and sorting the grandkids. Time with each individual family is much more precious!

But,surely there is a place for both.

We see all the individual families on an ongoing basis and then have a 'bash' once or twice a year.

Me too BoBo but the GC like to get together and if it wasn’t at our house, they wouldn’t see each other

I actually prefer smaller gatherings with each of our 3 kids and families. If we all get together the AC spend the whole time together while we slave feeding everyone and sorting the grandkids. Time with each individual family is much more precious!

It’s reassuring to hear you all have the same problems. It was suggested that we all get together at our cottage by the sea, I. August. DD and children will stay over. Two sons and their families just for the day. All sorted. Taxis both ways for DD . Then yesterday a text from Son in law saying could we make it the weekend before or after as DGD receives her A level results the day before we go and might be emotional if she hasn’t got the grades she’s hoping for. For goodness sake! She’s 18! And I’m certain she will get good grades as she’s worked so hard. I said Sorry, No can change! ?

Everyone is always busy, that’s the way it is these days, we always get together around a target date, rather than the exact date.
I always get my eldest daughter to liase with the others, then they tell me the date, not everyone comes every time but they are pretty good.

Maybe you should send a ‘Save the Day’ card as seems the thing these days for weddings. They are sent many, many months in advance though

That sounds like quite a feat and I'm amazed/impressed that you manage it as often as annually. Where there's a will, right enough. Bravo.

If you add into the mix, the one that lives 100 miles away from my home to the three offspring that live overseas - one of in China, another in New Zealand, plus the one in France; then it gets really tricky. Making sure that flight and pick up times coincide and the trip down the M5 to the one with a house big enough to accommodate everyone is OK with all of us - but we manage once on roughly a yearly basis.
Exhausting.
But we like to do it.
Family is so important as I feel many more people have realised during the past 4 months.

Suggestion....... fix a well advanced date upon which everyone is agreed (and free) initially. Make it 'muck in' catering where no individual carries financial or organisational worries. Location should be as accessible as it can be to the majority. A gentle reminder of the date is all that should be necessary. On the day you will see who 'really' wants it to happen. Our appointments schedule is all about choices unless in dire emergency. Good luck and hope you end up more elated than disappointed.

It's like trying to herd cats sometimes! I've been trying to get my lot to agree on a date that we can have a family picnic; it's been deferred several times so far due to work commitments, COVID, etc. But today's the day! Canal barge is booked and paid for, picnic is packed and ready and with one hour to go, no one has cried off..... yet! fingers crossed

I find for larger meetings, it's a good idea to circulate a selection of dates, then each can indicate which days they are available. You then arrange it for the day when most (or all) can come.

On this subject of families my dad loved his brothers dearly and one in particular never made the effort to visit or keep in touch. I was hurt on his behalf when this particular brother turned up at dads funeral a few months ago. I wanted to shake him and ask ‘why now’ ☹️?

Depends on family.... I avoid brother in-law related gatherings at all costs, his sister does too.... they are always so smug and judgemental.

I find this happens so much, not just in families but in clubs and societies also. It seems to me that many people won’t commit to anything in case something better turns up. I blame it on everybody having instant contact with each other - mobile phones, social media, etc.
When arrangements had to be made by letter or invitations people would accept or decline, no matter what invitation came later.

Omegal - my daughter's inlaws always held a yearly meet up at one of the Aunt's gardens (which was huge). I was asked to go by my daughter to keep her company (not sure if the inlaws were consulted). On the afternoon I barely spoke to my daughter as she was constantly whisked away and I only knew one or two of the people there, they were grouped in family huddles and I felt I was intruding if I sat with any of them - the conversation stopped straight away and there was a lot of humming and arring and then they wandered off, leaving me on my own. When my daughter decided to leave early I was relieved and politely declined any further invites to accompany her there. Best kept to close family members I think, unless you know each other well.

There are 6 children in our family and we usually only manage to get together on Boxing Day. I'm getting a sense though that some of the wives are no longer wanting to come and I suspect the C19 is the thing that will give them the excuse to break the pattern. I have always told them that they are under no obligation to come and I think it is why it has lasted so long. After all, the eldest is nearly 40 so I think we've had a really good run for our money!

It's true ....it's very hard..what I find is plan in plenty of time.
My own personal motto is whatever is on the calendar first is the thing that I do /go to. Not everyone is the same though some just pick what they think is the most interesting to them.

I only have a small family but when we try to organise something it is usually my sons wife who most times cannot come - she may be feeling unwell, going to her parents, seeing a friend. I am used to it now and think it is just her, although it is embarrassing I think for my son.. We just carry on without her, and of course my partner can be completely tactless. Still love them all though.

We are much the same as the previous posters.

Quite a big family, so hard for everyone to get together.

We were lucky 2 years ago for our golden wedding that our immediate family were all there.

But often, like you Gingster, they all seem to lead such busy lives that they can't fit everything in.!

Gingster completely understand your frustration, it would make me cross. We use a family WhatsApp group for communication which works really well - there are 19 of us now including little ones. There are times when we can't all make it but I'm also quite strict clear about events that are non-negotiable

We have quite a large family and we decided sometime ago that the date is set by the party-giver. There will always be someone who cannot come, but you cannot keep faffing about, changing dates to suit everyone. At that rate you´d never meet at all. If a date is set with enough notice, then that´s it, Recently, we celebrated a family member´s 80th birthday, the date was set about six months in advance, three grandsons couldn´t attend, but still a great day with about 27 adults and 20 children,

Do people really enjoy these big family get togethers. Do the In-Laws enjoy them or just the family