Gransnet forums


Families 😤

(36 Posts)
Gingster Thu 16-Jul-20 16:44:23

Every time we organise a family do, someone puts a spanner in the works. ‘Oh I’ve just remembered, something is on that date. ‘ Everyone is keen, so I know it’s not that they don’t want to get together, but Why oh Why don’t they check first . 😤😤😤😤😤

AGAA4 Thu 16-Jul-20 16:48:28

It can be hard getting everyone together if you have quite a big family but it is annoying if you arrange it and then someone has forgotten a previous commitment.

tanith Thu 16-Jul-20 17:14:46

It is annoying but having a big family myself find it’s really difficult for everyone to be free on the same day there’s always someone crying off.

kittylester Fri 17-Jul-20 08:49:40

We never get a full compliment nowadays. It's life - it gets in the way.

polnan Fri 17-Jul-20 08:53:53

yup, not dissimilar to the post above..
life changes, people change

ho hum...

luluaugust Fri 17-Jul-20 08:58:44

Me as well, now most of the GC are teenagers and older someone has always got a football match or tennis or whatever. Of course at present family only appear in ones and twos.

Lucca Fri 17-Jul-20 09:03:04

It happens! Lucky you though to have a big family who want to get together.

Coconut Fri 17-Jul-20 09:04:06

All my 3 AC have busy careers and family weekend commitments, so I always plan our meet ups months in advance ! Sometimes it’s a pain all being able to do certain dates but we get there !

TrendyNannie6 Fri 17-Jul-20 09:08:27

Very rarely happens, always one or more have things booked somewhere else, have to ask them few months in advance works better then

FindingNemo15 Fri 17-Jul-20 09:10:57

Every time we saw our DD and family the arrangements were changed several times by her - the day, the place, the time, etc. etc. It wore me out

HootyMcOwlface Fri 17-Jul-20 09:23:15

Yes, and it's funny how the other thing is always more important.

omega1 Fri 17-Jul-20 09:31:29

Do people really enjoy these big family get togethers. Do the In-Laws enjoy them or just the family

polyester57 Fri 17-Jul-20 09:32:11

We have quite a large family and we decided sometime ago that the date is set by the party-giver. There will always be someone who cannot come, but you cannot keep faffing about, changing dates to suit everyone. At that rate you´d never meet at all. If a date is set with enough notice, then that´s it, Recently, we celebrated a family member´s 80th birthday, the date was set about six months in advance, three grandsons couldn´t attend, but still a great day with about 27 adults and 20 children,

GrannyLaine Fri 17-Jul-20 09:39:54

Gingster completely understand your frustration, it would make me cross. We use a family WhatsApp group for communication which works really well - there are 19 of us now including little ones. There are times when we can't all make it but I'm also quite strict clear about events that are non-negotiable

gillgran Fri 17-Jul-20 09:43:48

We are much the same as the previous posters.

Quite a big family, so hard for everyone to get together.

We were lucky 2 years ago for our golden wedding that our immediate family were all there.

But often, like you Gingster, they all seem to lead such busy lives that they can't fit everything in.!

Flakesdayout Fri 17-Jul-20 10:19:48

I only have a small family but when we try to organise something it is usually my sons wife who most times cannot come - she may be feeling unwell, going to her parents, seeing a friend. I am used to it now and think it is just her, although it is embarrassing I think for my son.. We just carry on without her, and of course my partner can be completely tactless. Still love them all though.

Polwal Fri 17-Jul-20 10:20:45

It's true's very hard..what I find is plan in plenty of time.
My own personal motto is whatever is on the calendar first is the thing that I do /go to. Not everyone is the same though some just pick what they think is the most interesting to them.

icanhandthemback Fri 17-Jul-20 10:36:38

There are 6 children in our family and we usually only manage to get together on Boxing Day. I'm getting a sense though that some of the wives are no longer wanting to come and I suspect the C19 is the thing that will give them the excuse to break the pattern. I have always told them that they are under no obligation to come and I think it is why it has lasted so long. After all, the eldest is nearly 40 so I think we've had a really good run for our money!

DotMH1901 Fri 17-Jul-20 10:37:28

Omegal - my daughter's inlaws always held a yearly meet up at one of the Aunt's gardens (which was huge). I was asked to go by my daughter to keep her company (not sure if the inlaws were consulted). On the afternoon I barely spoke to my daughter as she was constantly whisked away and I only knew one or two of the people there, they were grouped in family huddles and I felt I was intruding if I sat with any of them - the conversation stopped straight away and there was a lot of humming and arring and then they wandered off, leaving me on my own. When my daughter decided to leave early I was relieved and politely declined any further invites to accompany her there. Best kept to close family members I think, unless you know each other well.

Aepgirl Fri 17-Jul-20 10:49:39

I find this happens so much, not just in families but in clubs and societies also. It seems to me that many people won’t commit to anything in case something better turns up. I blame it on everybody having instant contact with each other - mobile phones, social media, etc.
When arrangements had to be made by letter or invitations people would accept or decline, no matter what invitation came later.

Tish Fri 17-Jul-20 11:26:08

Depends on family.... I avoid brother in-law related gatherings at all costs, his sister does too.... they are always so smug and judgemental.

JulieMM Fri 17-Jul-20 11:28:22

On this subject of families my dad loved his brothers dearly and one in particular never made the effort to visit or keep in touch. I was hurt on his behalf when this particular brother turned up at dads funeral a few months ago. I wanted to shake him and ask ‘why now’ ☹️😡

jeanrobinson Fri 17-Jul-20 12:05:32

I find for larger meetings, it's a good idea to circulate a selection of dates, then each can indicate which days they are available. You then arrange it for the day when most (or all) can come.

Chewbacca Fri 17-Jul-20 12:29:34

It's like trying to herd cats sometimes! I've been trying to get my lot to agree on a date that we can have a family picnic; it's been deferred several times so far due to work commitments, COVID, etc. But today's the day! Canal barge is booked and paid for, picnic is packed and ready and with one hour to go, no one has cried off..... yet! fingers crossed

Kim19 Fri 17-Jul-20 12:35:04

Suggestion....... fix a well advanced date upon which everyone is agreed (and free) initially. Make it 'muck in' catering where no individual carries financial or organisational worries. Location should be as accessible as it can be to the majority. A gentle reminder of the date is all that should be necessary. On the day you will see who 'really' wants it to happen. Our appointments schedule is all about choices unless in dire emergency. Good luck and hope you end up more elated than disappointed.