Winning my Daughter-in-law Over

Iron flower... I have communicated mostly with my DIL. I have bent over backwards to be likeable and accommodating. I leave it with the fact all I want is an invite over so I am not intrusive. I never get the invite.

Gwenisgreat1

As well as Chewbacca's idea, maybe you should directly ask your son if he knows why his wife is treating you this way. Tell him you find it hurtful.

Good Luck

Oh I tried that. It turned into my son telling me ... "my wife is the sweetest person in the world. All she wants is your love and my sister's love. She would never treat you bad." So when I text them I do them both. He thinks it is all me. I reassure him all the time that I love her

Gingster

I have 2 daughters in law. Both lovely girls. I. Very lucky. I have a daughter. We’re very close. All with children. I only ever go when I’m invited, never give my opinion unless it’s asked for. Leave them to come to you.

I don't give my opinion either. I don't tell secrets either. My son is always comparing his relationship with me to my relationship with his sister. A lot of drama that I stay out of.

Cafegal
That is very normal (chasing the 2 year old) and a 2 hour visit is really good.

Hope they can visit you again soon

Doodledog... to clarify. By saying I am too accommodating I mean that:
1. I do try to plan ahead for all the reasons you mentioned.
2. They say "drop over any time" ... I know that they don't mean that. It is apparent by how the kids are always in the bath or bed when I attempt to swing by with an hour notice.
3. All she has to do is tell me when a good time is and I will drop whatever I have going on to be there.

Yes, I invited them over and they came by once. While here all they did was chase after the 3 year old who was 2 then. And they only stayed for 2 hours. But that was back in August of 2019. Covid puts wrench in things.

Popping!! Darn it!?

Madgran77

I agree Hithere, that's why I said "appropriately"....at the same time at a level that keeps a great grandparent not reasonably feeling excluded.

Nothing ExD has said gives me any impression that she wants to be included too much, who knows and that is for her to consider for herself in her context.

But a great grandparent is not peripheral.

I guess the issue is if as always, one person views x times a month as appropriate, and the other feels they need y times to not be left out.

ExD, why are you not trying to coordinate visits with your grandson? For whatever reason his wife does not want to make plans with you. Today’s couples often prefer to manage their own families expectations. Wives are no longer the family social secretaries.

I’m glad you’ve stopped pooping in, I’m sure that annoyed her. I do hope you get a visit soon

I agree Hithere, that's why I said "appropriately"....at the same time at a level that keeps a great grandparent not reasonably feeling excluded.

Nothing ExD has said gives me any impression that she wants to be included too much, who knows and that is for her to consider for herself in her context.

But a great grandparent is not peripheral.

The issue is that level of inclusion is subjective.

A certain person may want to be included 2 to 3x a week, the other party has enough with once every 2 weeks.

I'm not saying great grandparents should be endlessly visiting etc. I'm saying I dont think they are peripheral, they are a special part of a family and should be included appropriately assuming there is no reason not to

Your post was about your family and your grandsons wife saging it wasn't convenient when you wanted to call and see your great grandkids.

That was what your post was about and I tried to put her point of view.

Illte. Where's this coming from?
This thread is about the poor Cafegal not seeing her grandchildren since before Christmas. I wish I could help her.

It is not helpful throwing brickbats at me.
There are only two great grans in our family as it happens, butyou weren't to know this.
But this not about MY family.

All eight of them!

Why should one have priority?

My great grandchildren.
Lots of people's great grandchildren.

Part of my family.
Part of lots of people's family.

"I can't get to see my great grandchildren as much as I want"

The poor old grandkids are going to be stretched pretty thin meeting everyone's demands.

ExD it sounds as if you may have someone who just isnt interested, sadly. Has it always been the same or arisen more recently?

If you're the great grandparent I'm afraid you're only one of the peripheral family

I do not agree...a great grandparent should be a very special part of a family

You seem to see them as your family. But actually you are just a small part of theirs.

They have lots and lots of people in their family. Like I said imagine if they all want the same importance and time as you want.

You might get more if you demanded less. But if you can't see that nothing will change.

Only if invited ExD.

I am not 'she' the OP.
Sorry if I offended anyone by butting in.
I was trying to show support for cafegirl who was the OP, I was not trying to stick my neck out by butting in to what appears to be a Granny only thread.
One day, with luck, you may all be Great's. Won't you visit your great grandchildren? Won't you buy them Christmas and birthday presents? Won't you consider them part of your family?
How sad.

I have 2 daughters in law. Both lovely girls. I. Very lucky. I have a daughter. We’re very close. All with children. I only ever go when I’m invited, never give my opinion unless it’s asked for. Leave them to come to you.

She says it's her great grandkids that she never gets to see.

I had a vision of of this poor mum beleaguered with relatives who just keep dropping round!

Chewbacca

^If you're the great grandparent^

Did I miss that ExD is the great grandmother to the children? I thought the OP said grandmother??

Cafegirl made the original post, ExD is a different poster.

Like so many of these posts, I suspect there is more to the story. Is there a reason why you have not been in telephone contact, and why have you been waiting for them to make contact? Surely a quick call from you to ask how they’re doing would have been possible? I just can’t imagine sending a card to any of my family to say I’m missing them.

If you're the great grandparent

Did I miss that ExD is the great grandmother to the children? I thought the OP said grandmother??

Sorry ExD, but you sound pretty intrusive actually.

If you're the great grandparent I'm afraid you're only one of the peripheral family.

Think what it would be like if all eight great grandparents plus all four grand parents want that kind of access

I've tried both ways Hithere. At first I used to ring ahead but it was too easy for her to put me off over the phone. I pass their house every day so if I saw the children in the garden I'd stop and talk but she'd call them in for bathtime, or 'we're going shopping' time or something.
Now I just wave as I drive pass and hope they remember me.
I don't see a solution. I just hope I live long enough to make friends when they're older.