What would you do in my shoes, dear GN’s?

I divorced my ex Husband 6 years ago after 28 years of marriage. All the money and property was in his name. I got less than 50% of the assets because I could only have 50% of what I could prove to the court he had.

You cannot force a married spouse to leave or change the locks, but you can lock half the house off as long as you both have access to bathroom and kitchen facilities.

You can withdraw all the money from a joint account but the court may decide you need to pay his half back.

I told the truth in court my ex lied to everyone throughout but ended up paying the £50k court bill. Information about yours and his financials is key and be prepared for him to say some really evil things as he will continue to be nasty as he always has been.

Stick to your goal of being shot of him, I did and love my life now. I wish you the best of luck!

Lucca is spot on.
I left my marriage after over 32 years and NEVER looked back and never been happier.
Be brave.

ditto

You are taking the first steps on the road to a new, better life, I wish you every success, you deserve it!

Keep us posted Cuckooz. We are all here for you if you need support.

Good luck for your future.It will be so much better when you are free to live the life you want.

I thank all of you for your compassion and sound advice. It means a lot to me ?

I am staying with my daughter for a few weeks and once I go back home I will start making plans to go our separate ways. Having done all this with my first husband I know I’m not in for an easy time but with the support of my AC I know I’ll get through it. I’m going to try my hardest to stay positive even though I know things will get tough along the way. At least I’ll have peace of mind and won’t be walking on glass every time a family visit is on the horizon.
Once again gransnetters, thank you so much ?

I reached out to Gransnet with a similar problem and was very glad I did. I felt less alone. I know just how you must be feeling. It’s truly horrible. One of the worst things is knowing how much better things could be if the other person were willing to change their behaviour just a bit and try to be less selfish and controlling. You end up realising that your feelings just don’t matter and that he just doesn’t care about what your life is like. You don’t deserve this.

cucooz how sad, I feel dearly for you putting up with this sort of behaviour from the man you’ve loved for many years why don’t you stay with your family a week or a fortnight at a time they can then organise beautiful family gatherings especially for you and like the other gnetters have said seek legal advice ASAP

See Cuckooz yesterday (Friday) at 07.04 !!

Whilst I totally agree that OP should start a new life for herself I really don't think she would be allowed to lock her husband of 30 years out on the streets.
I wonder what would be said if this was a 63 year old man locking his 73year old wife out of the Marital home because the house was in his name only?

1. You are in an abusive relationship.
2. If the house is in your name you have every right to turn him out. He would be able to claim some of the equity if it’s owned by you / due to the fact you are married .
3. You maybe able to get an order to get him out / get legal advice / you sound like you maybe in danger .
Don’t delay - you only have one life. He is toxic and can’t be allowed to infect anymore of your life . Good luck ?

Well done Cuckooz you've made the decision and that's the hardest part. We are all here if you need support and encouragement as you deal with both the practical and emotional issues which will need sorting. Sending a big hug and my very best wishes for a much happier life when you are free of your husband's unkindness and negativity. He'll probably tell you that you can't do it for a thousand reasons - don't believe him...you can!! I know, I've done it! xx

Well done Cuckooz for coming to a decision. Brave choice. You are very young still and have years ahead of you to be happy and do your own thing and be happy with your family.

I'm sorry that things have come to this, life must be awful for you both. I can't advise on the legal front, but I think (and I don't know if it would make a difference), your husband at 73, would be considered a 'vulnerable adult', by virtue of his age.

I think as others have suggested that you need legal advice, but in the meantime, perhaps you could pad the steel poles sticking out of the sleepers, and pop on a flag / ribbon or similar so that children can see them.

You have had some sound advice.
Transfer your money, don’t feel that you have to explain, just do it.
Don’t make offers to him for example, the car etc.
He does sound nasty and controlling, so beware! Get to a solicitor ASAP, just do it and don’t tell him.
It is a very tricky time for a woman once she initiates divorce proceedings, so keep your wits about you.
It’s awful when they won’t leave, you feel powerless, I wouldn’t change the locks, and my solicitor advised not to leave the family home, unless your safety is threatened, then phone the police.
Be true to yourself and stick to your guns.
Do keep in touch if you can. Take care.xx

Some really good advice already, don't trust him to be fair for a moment, but get sound advice ASAP.

Be careful about changing the locks. Get legal advice first. I was told if I changed the locks I could be done for desertion as I would be stopping him getting access to his property. I would also advise you to make sure to get your personal documents such as birth certificate, passport etc out of the house. My friend did not do this and her soon to be ex husband destroyed them which made life difficult. I would also make sure you get the marriage certificate and give it to the solicitor as this helps make the initial process a bit quicker.

I hope you stay strong and leave this pathetic excuse of a human being.

What he has said is unforgivable.

You will be happier away form such a poisonous person.
Once away from him you will find happiness with others. he has no doubt kept family and friends away.....and be honest with your children.

re the above sad story, sometimes a blunt phrase is apposite.
as MN would say, a cocklodger.

Ah Cookooz I have a friend out here in Spain who basically prioritised her partner over her own needs. She bankrolled him for 17 years before waking up ‘to smell the coffee’. She looks back now & says why didn’t she give her head a wobble? She didn’t want to be lonely. So she paid, as she said, a high price for companionship. She admitted a friend said ‘oh P.... he’s just a poor man’s gigolo’. It hurt at the time but looking back, she says the friend was right. So sad.

Keffie12 Fri 24-Jul-20 18:37:01
He has no legal right to be there. The house is in your name. Packs his things, call a locksmith and change the locks.

if they are legally married, this is incorrect. it is the marital home, so he does have a right to be there. she cannot treat him like an unmarried partner or a lodger if he is spouse.
another reason to seek urgent legal advice.
Op, i don;t think you should tell him anything of what you intend until you have taken advice.
also contact womens' aid, and ring police 101 for advice re emotional abuse, coercive control, and in case he turns nasty.

We are not lawyers. Making statements like "get half the money, change the locks, house is in your name, pack his things, etc" can backfire very easily

I agree with Hithere's comment above. Be very careful and do nothing until you have seen a solicitor.

You must see a solicitor and get some advice. You still have the rest of your life to live and you dont want or need to be stuck in this relationship that is going nowhere. You need to put your children and grandchildren first . His attitude towards them is horrendous especially the grandchildren. Please dont plod on anymore. Enjoy you family.
Good luck to you. xx

We are not lawyers.

Making statements like "get half the money, change the locks, house is in your name, pack his things, etc" can backfire very easily