Devastated for Son

It depends on the length of the marriage where private pensions are concerned, there is a scale for working out the percentage based on how long they've been together and how long he's had the pension. I divorced my husband after 27 years (amicably) which is how I know about the scale. I worked it out and I was entitled to around 47%. With my second husband much shorter married but were together throughout the length of that pension and I got 50%. They also take age into consideration and how long she has to build her own pension. Has she worked in his business and has she worked at any time during the marriage, all things to be considered. Your son needs legal advice.

Your son urgently needs a lawyer. Assets/pension etc for both parties are taken into account in divorce settlements ...and that includes the house.

Agreed. Legal advice to make sure that any settlement is fair to him and not biased towards her. There are a lot of factors that need to be taken into account. He needs the support from a legal advisor to make sure that he doesn't agree to things that he doesn't need to.

My DS was in the same position but at a younger age and with fewer assets so it was easier to agree about everything. But he was devastated too - and it took him a good year to get over it. Now he's more confident about dealing with her and happier with his life.

You don't say if your DIL is working ExD? If she is, and she has a workplace pension, that also has to be "put into the joint pot" for their financial assets to be divided; it's not just your son's pension that will be considered.
Your son needs to find himself a good matrimonial law solicitor asap because the law on division of matrimonial assets is no longer an automatic 50/50 split. He needs proper legal advice.

Illte is right, division of assets should be equitable. Ask around friends and relatives for the name of a solicitor they found helpful.
It is distressing ExD but these things happen, try to be calm and supportive for your son.

I asked around when I needed a solicitor to help me. I was lucky, he was so much in love he really just wanted to run out of the house but the love of his life had other ideas which she lost.

I suppose with a huge mortgage, giving her the house has no value and doesn't leave her with a fair share, it's just passing on a debt.

I've never understood why personal pensions should be part of a divorce though in all honesty. People have tried to explain it to me before.

Hopefully a reasonable and fair solution can be found in mediation. From listening to friends, fighting it out in court can cost financially, emotionally and physically.

Good advice from B9. Nothing I can add.
If only all divorces could be amicable - but being realistic I know they’re not ?

How do you find a 'good' lawyer?

I think she's probably asking for whats legally hers,if he speaks to a solicitor it will be clearly explained .33 years is a long time there must be a reason she wants out ,maybe they could speak to a councellor too before it goes too far to change

Desperately sorry to hear this, you must be suffering as much as your son, it hurts so much when you can't help.

If mediation is out, and she sounds quite bitter, then your son must get the advice of a good lawyer. Are you able to help with costs if he needs it?

Try not to criticise her to him, no matter what your feelings are, in the event of them eventually getting back together you will be the outcast.

Thinking of you.

He needs a good solicitor. Pronto!

Relationships fail but division of assets should be equitable.