Getting Married

What not think of it as the legal preliminary to your wedding, similar to what happens in the Asian community here or for everyone in France - the register office ceremony for the legalities and then a wedding in the religious venue/secular venue/your own back garden where you can celebrate with everyone you love together, whenever that might be?
All the Register Office ceremony will do is give you the legal protection that comes from being married (or civilly-partnered). And from what you say in your original post, that is important to you both because of health issues.
So, I'd say, do it. Without either side of your family being represented if they are going to be silly about it. Grab a couple of strayers to be your witnesses, or your closest friend each. Get the bit of paper for the legal protection, if for nothing else. And then plan a wonderful party for later on.
And Congratulations! If you lived near me I would volunteer to be your witness (and I'd take lots of photographs!)!

You can’t stop his children from behaving like selfish brats so go ahead and do what makes you happy.

Your children sound so much nicer.

Nothing riles me more than when others whoever they are try to tell you what you should be doing, it’s your day, Your choice. Hope you have a lovely day,

Do as Lulubelle said.

My DH, daughter and a girl from Ghana who was staying with us went to Gretna Green for the day. Just for sightseeing and to show our friend some of ghe sights.
DH was approached by a couple who needed witnesses for their wedding. He gladly agreed, so he and my daughter stood in as their witnesses.

The couple just wanted to be there by themselves without a lot of fuss.

If you choose friends to be witnesses I think it will be a bit sad for your AC who agreed with your plans just because your DP's couldn't.

A lot depends on how well the children get on with each other, I think WW3 would break out if I chose one and told the others they couldn't come. As family disputes really upset me, I would have just got married with two friends as witnesses, but got one of them to film the whole ceremony and give it to the family to watch afterwards. Then make a great thing about asking everyone to agree a date for a really big celebration next year. You can wear the dress, repeat the vows, and make it your proper wedding then.

This is a complex one. My father and stepmother married telling only my sister and her daughter and told them to keep it secret from us. In actual fact, we all knew but the hurt and resentment from this cast a long shadow. What you are proposing is open, honest and fair under the strange circumstances we are in. Have a great day and enjoy your family celebration when it’s safe to do so! ?

In the words of famous trainers... Just Do It.

After 16 years together we 'just did it' with 2 friends as witnesses. Didn't tell anyone. OH's son put out but, after a bit of arguement, soon got over it. He'd had his wedding how he wanted it (mum on top table, OH not) so we had ours how we wanted it.
14 years on and all is well.

Of course you should have the wedding you want & in these uncertain times I can understand wanting to not waste time & get on with it. However I would agree with PP who suggest having a couple of close friends as witnesses & having a family party when restrictions are lifted.
If you or your partner have several children it may be hard for them to decide amongst themselves who is to attend their parents wedding.

@janipans Just go and do it - the registry office with a couple of friends or even strangers off the street.... your day, your rules. That way you get the legal bit out of way, to make sure you’ve got “the piece of paper “and you feel financially safe, and then have a “proper wedding” with perhaps a marriage celebrant to bless your marriage, and you can say your vows and make it special in front of all your family. (It’s what YOU want not what THEY want) if anyone sulks don’t take any notice! You’re grown-ups you can do what the heck you like! Good luck!

Get married with two strangers for witnesses. You can't pick and choose which family members to have, or friends for that matter. Someone is bound to be offended. When all this Covid madness is over (if it ever is!) renew your vows with everyone there. No one is left out then, and you have two lovely occasions to remember.

Thank you everyone for your thoughts.
OH highly vulnerable and Covid means that we need to tick the boxes on our "bucket list" where we can - this was one of them - and to be honest, he needed to have something to cheer him up - has been very down.
Before all this we had pondered getting married on one of our cruises of just with a couple of friends as witnesses and just prsenting the family with a fait accompli (now I wish we just had!) ... but it felt a bit like going behind their backs and we really didn't want to upset them so we had some Champagne delivered and took a bottle of chilled champagne to socially distant garden meetings in each of their gardens and told them face to face that we had booked our wedding.
We intend to go ahead as planned and we have plenty of other options for witnesses, we just thought it would be nice for us, and them to be asked/considered.
Thank you for listening to my rant - I was just so upset yesterday.

Carpe diem that's what I say and good luck and best wishes to you.
We told no one two witnesses that were friends this was 2 days before Christmas the first our family's knew about it was Christmas day. It's what you and your partner to be wants. Did they take into account your feelings when they got married I know my kids didn't. All the best and do let us know what you decide ?

Your day. Your choice.
This is no one's decision but your own.
If they are going to be joyless about your wedding, then sod 'em. Pick someone else!

Why not pick straws , have two go in the office while others wait and then all go for a socially distanced posh lunch or dinner so other siblings don’t feel left out ? Talk to them and say how can we do this we don’t want to wait .

Just take the two people you want to have (as witnesses), your chosen child and maybe a favourite grand child and stuff the others. Life is far too short to bother with W⚓️S

I'd just do it and tell them when it's done. Have your children there and s*d his, or ask two friends.

There was even someone on mumsnet years ago who asked on the boards there if anyone was free to go and be a witness. Not only did she get a witness but several others were waiting to celebrate with her when she came out!

Go ahead - do what you fancy - there is no way known to man to have a 'wedding' without offending someone! It is the legal bit - actually the important bit and I guess that's why you've decided to do it. IF you involve the family in any way - either on the day or later that's your choice. It's your life and your marriage.

My daughter got married in our garden last Saturday. Just her, her husband, me , my husband and my son and future DIL. We had a fabulous day. My other son and DIL refused to come, as he said she should wait. I was heartbroken, as my wee granddaughter wasn't there either.
However, it was my daughter's wedding and I believe she did the right thing.
My health is so poor I was afraid I wouldn't see her married.

Her big wedding was sheduled for the day after lockdown. My daughter said this weekend had been the best weekend of her life. So we did the right thing. Go for it, life is too short!

It’s your wedding, your choice. If as you say it’s mainly about the legal side, you need to just do it, the sooner the better. Who knows what the future has in store?

One of our AC and partner chose the simplest of ceremonies, just them and a friend each as witnesses. We were delighted for them, and very happy that they also had the day they wanted, and didn’t feel they had to please anyone else or stick to normal conventions.

As others have said, the problem might be with them having to choose one sibling from each side to be there. It might have been an issue if DH and I had been told one of us could be there, but not the other though obviously I would have been the one going

So why not have a registry office ceremony with up to 30 people and then all the children can attend.

A party to celebrate at a later date?

Choose two friends instead

Your wedding, your decision. I get really cross with people who have to ‘put their two pennarth’ in to other people’s arrangements. Go ahead and have a lovely day.

principles for planning COVID-19 secure marriages and civil partnerships
For the purposes of a marriage ceremony or civil partnership formation, the number of attendees should ideally be kept to a minimum as far as possible. The lower the number of attendees, the lower the risk of spreading the virus.

However, we understand the unique significance that marriages and civil partnerships hold in people’s lives. For this reason, up to 30 people, but no more, can attend a marriage or civil partnership, where this can be safely accommodated with social distancing in a COVID-19 venue.

This maximum number includes all those at the ceremony, including the couple, witnesses, officiants and guests. It also includes any third-party suppliers, such as photographers or security, but does not include staff employed by the venue or any third party catering staff.

During all activity linked to the marriage ceremony or civil partnership formation, all parties should adhere to social distancing guidelines. 2 metres or 1 metre with risk mitigation (where 2 metres is not viable), are acceptable.

Those operating venues following COVID-19 secure guidelines should take additional steps to ensure the safety of the public and prevent large gatherings or mass events from taking place.

The marriage ceremony or civil partnership formation
Should only take place in COVID-19 secure environments. Where a marriage ceremony can take place legally in other places not covered by this guidance (such as outdoor weddings that are permitted under the Marriage Act), the legal restrictions on gatherings must be followed for that place.
It is advised that the ceremonies and services should be concluded in the shortest reasonable time, and limited as far as reasonably possible to the parts of the marriage or civil partnership that are required in order to be legally binding under the law of England and Wales.
Religious communities should therefore adapt traditional religious aspects, especially where celebrations would otherwise have taken place over a number of hours, or even days, to ensure the safety of those present and minimal spread of infection.
No food or drink should be consumed as a part of the marriage or civil partnership ceremony unless required for the purposes of solemnisation.
Where the exchanging of rings is required or desired for the solemnisation of the marriage or the formation of the civil partnership, hands should be washed before and after. The rings should be handled by as few people as possible.
Where an infant is involved in proceedings a parent/guardian or member of the infant’s household should hold the infant.