Old age? Affair? Dementia? Confused by DH

My husband in mid sixties is showing similar behaviour eg childlike -counting the ducks in a pond etc
My DD the other day thought his conversation was weird for similar reasons
He shows off a lot too which can be embarrassing and can be very aggressive
His mother had vascular dementia later in life
She ultimately forgot to get angry which was a bonus !
At this stage difficult to know if just a family/conversational trait or early signs -something to think about!

Raven, I woukd just enjoy and cherish the man he is now, he sounds lovely.
Maggie, you have the right to live on your own, it's never too late. If the love has gone and you don't get on, its no way to live. Just try to remain friends if you can, because of what you used to mean to each other.

Do you want to swap him for my Mr Grumpy? He sounds delightful!

Hi RavenSummer. I hope this turns out to be simply good mood due to appreciating things more during lockdown, but you are obviously concerned, otherwise you wouldn’t be asking for advice on Gransnet. There are some medications that can slow things down if your DH is starting to show signs of some form of dementia, so best not to delay. I sincerely hope he’s just displaying a good mood, but best to get DH checked.

RavenSummer Please consult his doctor. Think how you would feel if, in the future, you were told that had this been diagnosed earlier something could have been done but it was now too late.

RavenSummer, has he been on a mindfulness course and therefore appreciating all that he sees maybe?
It does sound a bit weird though I must admit. Not wishing to be flippant but perhaps now would be a good time to ask for something he has previously dug in his heels over. Have you tried subtly mirroring him and see what reaction, if any, that generates in him? I do wish you peace of mind and luck.

Sorry to say this but it sounds like could be early dementia - my mum was like this, started in a very subtle way with rather banal comments and questions, that sounded quite logical but a bit 'off' and not quite normal for her. She also became very jolly and unbothered by things that used to worry her, which is of course all to the good - the thing is you can't really get a definite diagnosis till it's much more pronounced, just have to go with it and accept we all have some sort of decline as time goes on. It could come and go so watch and wait is my advice for what it's worth.

My DH keeps on telling me about TV programmes he has just watched, nothing wrong with that (apart from being uninteresting which is why I didn't watch them!) except that he does it while I am trying to watch my programme! Infuriating! He is also child like in his wonder about everyday things and overly concerned about news events. He is also very forgetful, he never used to be, and is being referred to a memory clinic, he is only 62 so rather a worry!

Have a chat with his GP.
They can't discuss him with you but can listen to your concerns.

SunnySusie

Perhaps another conversation asking him why he is so happy, lucky etc. He might be able to explain i.e. it could be because of the times we are living in and he has realised how good it is to be alive and healthy, or maybe he has a new perspective on work. If he can produce a rational and believable explanation you can celebrate. If not it might be something to monitor. A friends husband developed frontotemporal dementia and in the early stages he was bursting with energy and the joys of life in an out of character way. Its a fairly rare type of dementia so hopefully its the former scenario with your DH.

This sounds unfortunately similar.

He's not more of his usual type of happy, he's an energetic jolly version of it. It feels awkward, like he's a stranger almost, albeit a very happy one.

But he thinks nothing is wrong.

Harrigan: Please see you GP ASAP!

i wouldn't question him too closely.
after all whatever it is, if it is something serious, nothing will be gained by alarming him and destroying his happy mood.

Perhaps another conversation asking him why he is so happy, lucky etc. He might be able to explain i.e. it could be because of the times we are living in and he has realised how good it is to be alive and healthy, or maybe he has a new perspective on work. If he can produce a rational and believable explanation you can celebrate. If not it might be something to monitor. A friends husband developed frontotemporal dementia and in the early stages he was bursting with energy and the joys of life in an out of character way. Its a fairly rare type of dementia so hopefully its the former scenario with your DH.

Thank you all. I have tried speaking to him. He just tells me how happy he is. In fact he keeps telling me this randomly out of the blue. And how lucky he is.

I know it seems very odd to complain about this but I can only describe it as him not being him. It's almost like someone I don't quite know suddenly flattering me.

He almost does seem a little drunk but isn't secretly drinking. He drinks openly in the evenings in front of me - not to an extent his behaviour is affected.

It's just very strange and unsettling.

Sorry no idea about the venison, I think my phone added an extra word in!

Have a little google of Mild cognitive Impairment..MCI. It is a condition that starts as slightly worse than old age forgetfulness etc but not dementia. Some cases do proceed to dementia but not all, others often live with it for 10,15 years.
I am currently going through this with my husband, a year ago, some behaviors that were “not him” became very noticeable, especially in company. Nothing major, but having always been sociable but ultra polite, it was as though he was not “getting” the conversation and butting in..and not always about what everyone else was talking about, albeit in a quite exciteable manner .which he would never have done before. His short term memory is only slightly affected, but his executive skills - planning, organizing, arranging things on phone etc have very much deteriorated. We recently moved home and bless him, he wasn’t able to help in any way with any of the arrangements. He is an avid crossworder but complains of not being able to find “that last word”.
Having worked with dementia folk for many years, I have been aware of the possibilities of MCI but have chosen to just watch and wait.
2 weeks ago however, another issue raised its head when being very tired, he became stressed /irritable with our grandchildren and raised his voice which has never happened before.
We started to talk about all of the above and he admitted he was getting a little concerned re his memory etc. We realized it was time to look into it and asked Dr for request to memory service. Even if very minor.,at least we will have a base line to work from in the future.
Brain scan yesterday..,awaiting results...

I agree with NemosMum. Don't just ignore it. Note down all the changes you see - forgetting items or names of things, difficulty making decisions, whether he has mood swings or just this elevated mood,any problems carrying out tasks, can he still do puzzles that he would normally have liked ( crosswords, sudoku...)?
Even if this elevated mood is the only change, I would get professional advice if your gut instinct is that something is off.
Hopefully, it's maybe just a change in outlook due to circumstances around Covid or enjoying spending more time with you, but I wouldn't just ignore it.

It could be any number of things. After all the virus stuff going on he may just be enjoying everything around him hence the need to comment . He may actually feel you are a bit down so he is trying to jolly you on. He could be stress free so is finding a new zest for life.

Only you and he will know so try chatting about it. You might find a new zest together.

what about taking a leaf out if his book?

Further to my post above and various other Gransnetters' contributions: a change in behaviour (even if it seems fairly innocuous) is not to be ignored. If it is dementia, say front-temporal, then knowing that will help the family to plan ahead. If it is vascular dementia, then treatments to prevent further TIAs and strokes can be started. Rarely, it might be a sign of a brain tumour. I'm not a neurologist, but I do have relevant personal and professional background.

RavenSummer

My husbands comments after reading your problem are that perhaps after being at home for months, and having reached the age of 68 and still working, he can now see that life wouldn't be too bad if he retired, maybe he has started to look forward to life after work and, started to "wake up and smell the roses", or as he has read a book on mindfulness.

MawB the answer to the venison quote is surely a typo, I would have thought you of all people would have worked that out

harrigran please tell your doctor what is going on. I noticed similar changes with my mum and had to fight long and hard on her behalf. She was eventually prescribed medication which halted the decline. As a result she had a much better quality of life.

My husband is the exact opposite.He has become very quiet and has no comments to make about anything.In company of family or friends he contributes nothing to the conversation. Think your husband seems OK. My husband , age 78 , has cognitive impairment due to strokes. I would like my old husband back , but such is life.

Having a husband with Vascular Dementia I would go with your gut instinct and see your GP. I saw mine with my daughter prior to taking my husband and I’m so glad I did ! We got a fairly speedy diagnosis too, you need to know what you’re dealing with.

Speak to him about it, as a start. He may be aware of what he's doing and/or know a reason for it.

Maggie68
I had been relatively unhappy in my marriage and was trying without success to get things back on track when I found out he was having an affair. Once I got over the shock it was a relief really to stop having to try to make things work!
I've been alone now for quite a few years and the stuff you mention is what makes life good - eat what you want, when you want, go to bed when you want, or stay up all night, and much more. I love it when my adult children visit, but after a few days I'm starting to crave being alone again. Take this opportunity while you can and enjoy it!