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Old age? Affair? Dementia? Confused by DH

(65 Posts)
RavenSummer Sat 15-Aug-20 17:55:56

My DH has had a subtle personality change. There is nothing nasty or distressing about his behaviour other than a very disconcerting feeling that he isn't quite himself.

I can only describe it as him becoming more 'jolly' and more talkative. He keeps making jokes and being upbeat. And pointing things out to me, almost like a toddler. If we're driving and he sees cows in a field, he's pointing at them and saying cows ... and describing them.

It's all a bit odd. As I say, nothing nasty at all and perfectly reasonable behaviour but just not like him. Not that he was miserable before, so the change is fairly subtle but enough to make me uncomfortable.

Examples of chatiness include things like when we were sitting in a restaurant him suddenly asking me where he thought all the people were from. I made a general not sure, but they're clearly tourists response but he seemed to genuinely need to know where from...we eat at this local restaurant about once a week. Never has he wondered where people are from...

And the other night, we watched a film and at the end he launched into a talk about how amazing people who make films are... they can pan in, pan out, cut scenes, add things in ... all very venison bemusing when you've regularly watched films with someone for 40 years.

Getting up this morning as I needed to sort something out. I said I was reluctantly getting up to be met with an energetic 'rise and shine, time to move!'. He's never ever said anything like this before.

So many more examples by he just feels different. Nothing I can criticise him for as it's all perfectly reasonable but so strange.

Hes 68. Perfectly fit. Doesn't even wear glasses. Full time high level job, currently working from home still. Nothing has changed to explain his suddenly happiness.

I bounce between worrying its the start of dementia or an affair 🤷‍♀️ . Or maybe just old age but stereotypically I'd expect grumpiness not an odd jolly enthusiasm for life.

What do you think wise women?

Kamiso Sat 15-Aug-20 18:20:01

Have you asked him where his new found enthusiasm for life stems from? Has lockdown given him time and space to think of all the positives in his life? Is he just happy to have survived so far? More importantly have you checked the contents of your drinks cabinet?

tanith Sat 15-Aug-20 18:29:48

If he is holding normal conversations and has no other subtle changes I wouldn’t worry having said that you know him best, listen to your gut if it’s telling something isn’t right you could be on to something I’d be watching out for other signs. I hope it’s nothing but good mood.

kircubbin2000 Sat 15-Aug-20 18:30:29

Has he been out without telling you where?Any strange phone behaviour? If not probably just glad lockdown is easing.

lemongrove Sat 15-Aug-20 18:36:12

Remember the film The Body Snatchers? 😱
Seriously though, it’s probably all the working from home and lack of stress, time to think, and the two of you being more thrown together than normal.
We chat all the time along those lines😁

Tangerine Sat 15-Aug-20 20:12:19

I think, in your position, I'd just ask him why he was so upbeat and cheerful all of a sudden.

MawB Sat 15-Aug-20 20:25:52

I wonder if he is on any sort of anti-depressant or stimulant? Prescription or otherwise?
I think somebody suggested checking the drinks cupboard, but it sounds rather as if he is “on something”

Can you help with something from your OP please?
I am racking my brains to work out what you meant to say by
... all very venison bemusing (5th paragraph)

Peardrop50 Sat 15-Aug-20 20:28:35

I was about to say more or less what Lemon said but she beat me to it. Not The Body Snatchers bit but all the rest.
During lockdown I find myself looking more at everything and appreciating things I formerly took for granted. Mr P is the same and we're chatting more than ever about lots of unusual things.
Hope that's what it is and that you can enjoy his new found zest for life.

EllanVannin Sat 15-Aug-20 22:33:06

I'd go along with his jollyness and say nothing.

Callistemon Sat 15-Aug-20 22:59:03

Perhaps it's lockdown syndrome.

Besudes all the doom and gloom, only seeing one or two people and not going far limits your horizons, so perhaps he's trying to keep cheerful by finding something good or interesting in the mundane.

I am really really trying to take an interest in snooker. It's very hard but someone has to do it besides DH who keeps telling me about every move.
💤 😴🥢

mokryna Sun 16-Aug-20 14:53:21

No stress from the others at the office or chats. Sees you in a different light. Sounds good.

AGAA4 Sun 16-Aug-20 16:09:09

I think some people have found life less stressful and are happier than usual.
Be glad he is upbeat and not a grumpy old whinger.

Missfoodlove Sun 16-Aug-20 16:38:48

Happy pills?

ElaineI Sun 16-Aug-20 16:46:47

I do think something sounds not right. It doesn't sound like an affair. Sounds like possible start of dementia, or bipolar or some kind of brain event eg. TIA,bleed? Maybe worth a check up though doesn't sound like he would go.

3nanny6 Sun 16-Aug-20 16:50:07

I agree with MawB, I had a friend who went on strong anti-depressants and they could not stop talking and seemed very happy.
I notice poster does say he is perfectly fit and does not wear glasses. Also says nothing has changed to explain his sudden happiness.
If there are no anti-depressants maybe they are adding something to the water, who knows.

Cabbie21 Sun 16-Aug-20 19:17:27

No work stress? No commuting?

welbeck Sun 16-Aug-20 20:40:39

how#s his sense of smell.
that can be an early sign of dementia, its decline.
but i think you just have to accept it, and adjust yourself, if it is. there is no effective treatment. and would probably antagonise him if you suggested it, or tried to get him assessed.
if he is happy, that is a positive. and you have some warning, if it is. you have to adjust your expectations.

Maggie68 Mon 17-Aug-20 10:01:11

Sounds like you should cherish the moments. Put aside the reason why and enjoy his company. I would definitely appreciate that kind of chat from my DH. We have been married 49 years and he has nothing much to say to me about things going off around him. In fact he is very boring and very much in his own bubble. We are in the throws of separating! I know sounds bizarre doesn’t it! But I am so fed up with not having a proper relationship Luke I see other couples having. He is a lovely man and everybody likes him although some can see what I see. He has never mistreated me or been unkind he just doesn’t cherish our togetherness and hasn’t ever done for the last 25 years. So I need to move on and spend time on my own and live a little. I am in a good financial position now so I can do what I want to. Thus has not just happened due to lockdown it’s been a problem that’s just been brought to my attention and it needs my Attention! We have done counselling three times by the way so I feel like it’s the end of a road. Any advice anyone?

Antonia Mon 17-Aug-20 10:10:59

Maggie68 why would you need to separate in order to 'do your own thing'? Do you love each other? My DH can be very boring but would be incredibly hurt if I told him, other than in a jokey sort of way.

Coolgran65 Mon 17-Aug-20 10:13:40

My first thought is that he's on a high of some sort. Has any of his usual medication been increased.
I would ring his GP and tell him. He may not talk with you about your husband specifically but he may talk generally.

Maggie68 Mon 17-Aug-20 23:29:48

Not sure what you mean exactly Antonia about your DH would be hurt if you told him what! By doing my own thing I mean living the way I want to live that is eating what I like shopping for myself and going to bed when I like all without feeling guilty.

Maggie68 Mon 17-Aug-20 23:34:28

Oh and by the way! I don’t love him any more I don’t think I even like him he is very irritating and I am very intolerant too I admit, but why should I just carry on as if we are still together when in theory we haven’t been for years. This is not a dress rehearsal as one poster said and I only have a few quality years left in which to be happy.

annecordelia Tue 18-Aug-20 09:49:13

My husband does all that but he's autistic si I've always assumed that was the reason

grandtanteJE65 Tue 18-Aug-20 09:53:43

The important thing is that this change worries you.

Do ask him, what is making him so happy/causing these changes. If he doesn't realise he has changed then it might be the onset of a form of dementia.

If he does know what has caused this change, you will probably be relieved to know what it is.

Right now you probably are not seeing family or friends, so you can't really ask anyone else whether they have noticed the same as you have.

Next time he points out a cow, or anything else you know perfectly well what is, ask him why he is commenting on it in such detail. I'm not sure the answer will help, but it might.

Jaye53 Tue 18-Aug-20 10:06:01

go with your gut reaction. if something doesn't seem "right" then get it sorted one way or another.good luck