Does one ever really heal?

I am sorry you are still upset all these years later but your first husband sounds awful. If you had stayed with him I am sure you would have not been happy living with such a selfish , insensitive man. I think you dodged a bullet there and you should concentrate on your second husband and the life you have now, instead of wasting your time fretting over a man you are better off without.

I agree with anna7.

They say that the first cut is the deepest, and I think that's true. When we are young and in love for the first time, we are very vulnerable, and often miss what we would see as warning signs when we get older and a bit more cynical.

I'm sorry you are still hurting over the baby you lost, and hope you can find a way of moving on. I don't want to suggest anything, as I am not a psychologist, but I didn't want to read and not reply, as it is clear that you are upset. Could you speak to your GP to see if s/he can suggest anything that would help?

To be honest chocolatte1 your ex sounds like an insensitive oaf. From what you say, he invited you out to lunch, rattled on about his wonderful and fulfilling life and even managed to slip in what the opinions of his 2nd wife were about him and you being together in the first place! Who cares what she thought about his first marriage to you? Her opinions on that are meaningless. And what a prig your ex is for telling you. He's a bigger prig for going on about his emotional reaction to the births of his children, whilst knowing what he urged you to do.

As anna7 said, you dodged a bullet there. The past is a foreign country. You forged a good and fulfilling life without him and personally, I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of writing to him and letting him know that he's upset you and made you think back to the past. You're well rid of him and I truly hope, that in time, you come to a place of peace about the past.

I read your post and felt moved to reply - your pain shines through. I can feel that you wish you had said something at that lunch meeting. There he was prattling on about his "wonderful life" while ignoring what he put you through.

Dont forget you only have his word that things are so wonderful in his world. It seems to me it was a very "me me me" conversation.

When we are young we sometimes make decisions which seem right at the time but seem far from right for what we would do now given our wisdom of years.

We cannot alter what has happened but think we have to learn to be kind to ourselves and move forward.

I honestly think your a much better person than your ex - sending good wishes to you. Hope you find your own peace.x

Chocolattel I was sad to read your post and I agree with the others that your first husband was not a nice man.
I really feel that what he told you about his marriage is probably not true at all. Most people, when you meet them after a time apart will tell you how wonderful they are and what a lovely time they have been having. No one really tells the truth or admits to making mistakes do they. Your ex is surely not going to say that he’s miserable and his wife’s a bitter old bat. Please don’t feel that what he tells you she said is true either. He can spin any old yarn he likes because you can’t prove it is true or false.
I think part of your problem is the guilt and regret you still feel over your termination. I had one too, it was a case if I stayed pregnant I would die, but that still doesn’t help with the tremendous guilt I feel. Sometimes I think you just have to accept things that have happened and just say it is what it is.
Don’t give any more thought to this man and his horrible manipulations. Concentrate on your loving family and in time this jerk will fade in importance.
As someone famous used to sing ‘let it go’.

Dear Lord - what an absolute charmer - not! Did he also present you with the bill? You can regret the abortion but nothing else IMO. Start thinking about the lucky escape you had!

Yes, I agree with others that you have had a narrow escape. As he is so insensitive, in reality, it’s very unlikely that he gives you much thought at all so why on earth would you waste any more of your life thinking about him?

Make your life about what you have now, you sound like a kind and thoughtful person and have much to give your family.

What an insensitive and insecure man. Think you would probably find that all was not roses in his garden Choclatte anyone who drivels on like that has problems I think.

You are happy and settled forget about him and enjoy the life you have now.

I can`t add anything more than the threads that have been posted.
I agree with them all.
Stay safe and be happy about what you have and not what you thought you had.

i am so sorry for your hurt...your ex husband is an insensitive person .made my blood boil ,in fact i would have nothing to do with him ever again .to make your give up a precious life of a baby .then to go on and have children with someone else.sounds like a control freak,,,,.you well shot of him....you need to move forward and leave the nasty man behind ...i too wish you said something at the lunch. enjoy what you have now ...

Frankly I doubt whether his life is as perfect as he says it is - methinks he doth protest too much.

Be proud of the life you made for yourself in spite of being kicked in the teeth when young. It takes courage.

Do NOT agree to meet this man ever again!

Please try and look forward - hard I know but it is the only way to go.

Talk about being used. That meal would have choked me and it should have choked him too, used as an opportunity to kill time and brag to his heart's delight.
You escaped a fate worse than death I think. Cheeky dog. Ignore him next time.

?

Forgive yourselfchocolattel and move forward.
We all make decisions that we wouldn’t make if circumstances were different. Life your life now in the present and put the past behind you. I hope you have an army of support beside you.

How sad your carrying this loss all these years. Your ex might have the perfect life but I think he sounds totally self absorbed and selfish. Pity you met up with him. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, you did what you thought right at the time. Fortunately you seem to have a loving family now, enjoy what you have not might have been,

Am I right in thinking that what is really gnawing at you all down through the years is that you didn't stand up for yourself and for what you wanted in the relationship. You had a chance when you met him again at his request. You could have hit him with a few truths then and flounced off with your head high, a lady in control of her own life and delighting in every minute of it. Instead you listened, and waited for him (in vain) to ask about you. The simple truth is you weren't ready. It takes years to rebuild confidence and find your voice after having been dismissed so brutally at so young an age. It also takes work. Counselling in my case, and a patient and loving partner with whom I could talk it out. With this and thirty years distance I can deal with my ex the way I should have done from the start. Interestingly he now keeps trying to meet up.