Husband’s Indifference.

I’d be inclined to say something like, “ a bit of sympathy wouldn’t come amiss you know!”

Or, “ this is the bit when you tell me how sorry you are for me and bring me a hot water bottle/ cup of tea/ gin and tonics!”

I sympathise with you UTI is very painful I have had it a few times also. I grew up with 2 brothers and married to a man very much like your husband, I also had three sons. I always tried to carry on with whatever ailment I had, the trick is with men is you have to tell them what to do, like I’m feeling in a lot of pain at the moment so I’m going to rest, so ask him to do the jobs that need doing, he may not be has good has you at doing it, and don’t forget to praise him for his help then he will be more ready to help again ?

Mine doesn't really do 'ill' either.

I'll never forget having the flu - real proper flu not a bad cold. It was when, as a carer, I was bottom of the pecking order to get a flu jab so I was still waiting for mine.
Anyway after over a week in bed
I decided to try getting up for a meal. I managed about five minutes before realising it was a mistake and had to go back to bed. After finishing his own meal dh came upstairs and picked a row with me about it!!

I think this sounds very sad, but it depends on whether he does this in relation to other things or just on this occasion. If he turns away from other concerns or even conversational subjects you are raising and changes the subject that can be very frustrating and distressing - I sympathise having suffered from that myself and it can really drive you mad because you feel they are just not connecting with you. But different people have different levels of what they can tolerate and as someone else said we all have our failings. So look at the number of times he does this, and whether it's only on specific occasions, and then consider how deeply it impacts on you.

I think SODAPOP has it right - he doesn't know how to react to you being ill. It it were me I'd cope a little less when feeling poorly.

My Dh drops off to sleep every evening after dinner no matter how little he's done during the day. I am busy all day, housework, garden, shopping, jobs etc. and I never go to sleep in the evening. The other day I felt very tired after a particularly busy day and dropped off on the sofa late afternoon. I made dinner then went to bed about 9 pm, feeling a little unwell. I went to sleep immediately and didn't wake till after 9 am. No comment from Dh, I thought he might think I was unwell and be concerned as it was so unusual, but he said nothing at all. I am not a happy bunny.

You don't need sympathy so much as help. UTIs can develop into kidney infection and worse. You should get a urine sample into your GP surgery for testing as quickly as possible, and then act on their advice.
I am prone to these infections and buy urinalysis reagent strips from Amazon or my pharmacy. I keep a pack of them stored and test my own urine regularly, and seek medical help immediately if I notice the colour on the strip changing. This has helped, as has regularly taking a D-mannose supplement, which leaves the urine less likely to develop bacterial infection.

I used to get UTI's all the time. Horrible uncomfortable and painful things. Apparently the antibiotics I was prescribed (several courses after several infections) may have triggered my illness but that is not proven. Anyway my point is check how you are washing and what you are using. If you use a flannel or sponge may sure it is scrupulously clean after use. Always wipe from front to rear and drink plenty of fluids. You probably know this already.
My OH wasn't overly sympathetic when I had them. I think it is because they do not understand how uncomfortable they are and us women just soldier on. Sometimes for them it is better to bury their heads rather than think of us being unwell. I hope you feel better soon

Londonwifi not only are UTI’s very painful and unpleasant but they can affect your emotions so you would be more sensitive to your extremely insensitive dh. It is possible that he cannot concentrate on more than one thing at a time, like a lot of men, so did not listen or hear what you were saying, although from what you were saying you did chose no distractions. Maybe he thinks it’s just “woman’s stuff”. I bet if he had it you’d never hear the end of it.

I had a painful broken wrist a while back and my dh said I had a low pain threshold when I grimaced. A female friend told him off “she’s got a broken wrist for God’s sake”. Now I use it in evidence against him!!

Poor you, you need some sympathy and tlc at the moment. I hope you feel better soon. Look after yourself and leave dh to it.

I’m worse than your husband I just stand there looking helpless. I always say though, I need to be told or asked what to do and I’ll fall over my feet to do it. But that’s because I prefer deciding what I need when I’m in pain. UTI are awful I had one last year what a painful thing it is , just drove straight to the doctor and got the antibiotics.
Maybe your husband just doesn’t know what to do.

Witzend

You poor thing, I do hope you’ll be feeling a lot better soon.

My dh once said to a relative on the phone, ‘Yes, we’re both fine, thanks!’

At the time I was just across the room, lying on the sofa feeling extremely rough with shingles!!
I did have a go at him later. He’d ‘forgotten’.
I dare say it was because I wasn’t endlessly sighing and moaning in the ‘ dressing gown of doom’ as someone on MN once so memorably put it.

Witzend - I burst out laughing at your description!

I hope you aren't just putting up with it and not ringing the GP for medication , it is so painful

Wish you well. I think men are somehow ‘put out’ by illness . They just can’t cope with the disruption to their normal so they switch off and try to pretend it’s not happening. It really is annoying, especially when if you are like me , you go the extra mile for someone when they don’t feel well . Sending a hug.

hmm! I think some men/people just cannot cope/deal with a loved ones pain/illness. my dh was not unlike that.

Sorry but I think that is just weird!

Selective deafness .... and it’s inborn of that I’m sure ?

I'm sorry you are under the weather with a very painful condition. My husband was the same until I wasn't there to do every thing for him, I remained in bed and nothing got done, for him. I stayed in bed for 3 days and since then he has listened and appropriately commented and acted. I was the patient from hell. Having been a nurse for 40 years helped me prepare from dealing with similar occurrences. Dont think he liked nursing me as his legs went up and down those stairs fetching and carrying. Xxx

Maybe it’s because they don’t want you to be ill as it worry’s them of the consequences of what could happen if it’s something serious. However what I would recommend is if you want sympathy don’t be a martyr just take to your bed and leave them to it they will soon notice you are ill.

You poor thing, I do hope you’ll be feeling a lot better soon.

My dh once said to a relative on the phone, ‘Yes, we’re both fine, thanks!’

At the time I was just across the room, lying on the sofa feeling extremely rough with shingles!!
I did have a go at him later. He’d ‘forgotten’.
I dare say it was because I wasn’t endlessly sighing and moaning in the ‘ dressing gown of doom’ as someone on MN once so memorably put it.

Does he hate talking about illness? I think a lot of men do.
Although he doesn’t seem to acknowledge what you are saying, does he make an effort to be helpful....bring you a cup of tea or offer to cook?
You need to say his name loudly, and when you have his full attention then tell him again about how you are feeling and actually force a reaction from him.

Thank you all.

My
DH is at his best when I’m not well. He is sympathetic and caring. I wish he was like it all the tim ??

Some people just don't cope well with illness in a loved one and try to block it out. This may be what your husband is doing Londonwifi Maybe you need to explain to him how this makes you feel.
Hope you feel better soon.

Perhaps you could say that you aren't feeling at all well and then just go off to bed if your DH doesn't respond. Hope you feel better soon

i wonder what grandpas' net is on about at the moment...
bossy wives, who are never satisfied, either we don't listen, or we are fussing too much, or under their feet...
so we just kind of zone out, when not actually gone out to the shed.
anything for a quiet life.
ho hum.