Do I call Social Services? I really could use some help?

Having read all this thread, it appears SadNanna, has reported him, just anonymously, which is an understandable first step. It’s easy for us to say what we think should be done to him, but all said and done, he is still her son, and it must be difficult for her, but she knows the child’s welfare is paramount. I don’t really understand what the DIL is doing in all this. Doesn’t she care either? Do what it takes SadNanna, to protect your granddaughter, as others have said. Better no access at all, than a dead little girl. Sending you my good wishes?

You should report this to the NSPCC and Social services as soon as possible.

Yes, report is as soon as possible. Meantime please do stay friendly towards the stupid man so that you might be allowed to be some consolation to the little child.

He obviously will not be told by you what he should and should not be doing, so you need back up from someone who he cannot ignore.

This child has 2 parents and grandparents, if you put the adult ie your son before a tiny child then who is there to protect her. Make the call and then at least other professionals are able to help the child.

Please phone social services. You can do it without giving your name but give them all the details including those of your DIL. Your son sounds sadistic and could escalate his treatment at any time.

Please just talk this through with social services or get back to nspcc. They will advise and assess. Then offer support to the parents.
No one is going to arrest your son on what you have said here but your granddaughter does need you to report your valid concerns. She is unable to protect herself and this sort of very harsh treatment is damaging and could affect her whole life.

Why isn’t the mother bothered? . She is worse than him letting the brute have your granddaughter. If he was my son I would cut him off. Parents on television tonight caused their baby to lose both legs, did someone see and do nothing? Report him, he should be arrested, that would wipe the smile of the cowards face. Is there a way you could have custody, her parents don’t deserve their prescious girl. Please act now. It made me cry to read what she is going through I can’t stop thinking of the mite.

Sadnanna29 I hope you found the strength today to inform SS of your GD's abuse. I couldn't sleep last night for thinking about that small innocent child's dreadful torment. I also wonder, as other GN members have said, what the mother thinks is going on. Surely your GD must show in someway how unhappy she is when it is your son's turn to have her. I hope between you, you can convince SS to stop all your son's contact with your GD immediately.

Hopefully sadnana will be able to shed a bit more light on the situation, but I wouldn't be waiting around while people "made a note".

That’s what I don’t understand MissA and why is th3 mum only having the child for a short tim3 each week ??

I think I would go over and above just telling the mum..
What is she going to be able to do, if the child's father has joint custody?

This isn't a criticism, but I'm amazed that the mum hasn't at least had some inkling that all is far from well.

I can totally understand other posters anger but this is going to make Sadnanna feel even worse She has come on here for guidance and support and swearing at her will not help at all
I am sure with our support she will feel brave enough to go to the next level in reporting her son

Please please alert the little ones mother, are you so afraid of your son that you dare not speak to her then you must find a way be it SS or an anonymous tip off or whatever but her mother must know

Sadnana
Why does he have so much access?
Does the little girl not cry and tell the mother she doesn’t want to go to Daddy’s? At 3 she’s old enough to verbalise and show fear
How come the mother doesn’t see the bruises ?
Is the mother as bad as the father ?

I know this must be an awful situation for you to be in but please keep in mind, your granddaughter cannot do anything to help herself in this situation. You are the adult, you can do something.

If your post had been written by someone else and you were reading it, would you be telling them to get help for this little girl?

Do let us know how things go.

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Bibbity has made a good point. There is no time for a soft approach. Social services need to know that there is an urgent child protection issue here. Better safe than sorry!

Fuck that! He is going to kill her or potentially something equally as horrifying.

Go to her other grandmother. Show her what you’ve Posted her.
Call her school. Call anyone who has any duty of care for this child.

Well done SadNanna. It doesn’t matter if you never speak to any family again, if it means you kept your granddaughter safe. Children should always be central to everything we do. I’m sure you’d rather not see her as well, if it means she is alive and well. At some point she’ll seek you out. She’ll always know that you’re the granny who saved her.?

Sad Nanna. I would suggest that you keep notes of the things he says and if she appears with a bruise photograph it. Also quietly check if you can arms and legs if there are hidden patches. Start to build up evidence.
And go to AE if necessary.

You have taken the first step but is it enough? I'm trying to think how the NSPCC might react to an anonymous claim? Would they simply note it and wait to hear if there are more? Presumably they are busy and have to prioritise.

Hard as it will be I think you have to go to the SS as well and explain that he is your son, then I think they will take it seriously because parents wouldn't normally report they own child. Yes, this may result in you losing contact but this is so serious you have to put your GD first you cannot let this continue.

I agree with all those who say you should speak to DiL, if she is not aware of this she needs to be. Perhaps she has reported it but not been taken seriously because they have separated? Who knows? Surely she will see that there is no need to tell him and I think will be grateful for your support.

In all this the child must come before everything else.

SadNanna29, Report asap, do not hesitate. You owe it to your granddaughter. How would you ever live with yourself if something bad happened?

Not that I am recommending this in your case because what you report is specific to certain situations where only you and your son and granddaughter were present, but you can always always request anonymity. If you havnt done so already talk to your dil, otherwise for your granddaughters protection ring and discuss with social services.
When we visited after getting similar referrals it was interesting how the parent would often say they knew who had referred (but they were always wrong).

You have been brave, I understand how frightening this is. I dont think you are putting your desires first but I do think your understandable fears of losing contact are making you so wary that you are more hesitant than you might be in other situations.

Try to be even braver and ring social services too. Did the NSPCC ask for address where child is with her father? If not there seems little they can do. Did they tell you any action other than logging. If not then that isnt going to bring urgent help to your little granddaughter.

I also think that DIL needs to know about your concerns ...presumably she is aware from when they were still together about his attitude? Can you use that as a way in? Does she know he is threatening to cut you off? Would your DIL agree with him on that?

In the end the only way out of this awful situation for your little granddaughter is for someone to get the authorities involved and to keep pushing until something is done about the danger, emotionally and physically that she is in. Can you be that someone for her sake, and for your own because this fear and worry cannot go on for you either?

I am so so sorry you are facing this. All my comments above are intended to help you consider the issues surrounding this situation and hopefully help you to decide on your next urgent steps

Please let us know, we are all behind you willing you on

Yes, call the police if you get no joy from NSPCC or SS.

You obviously find difficulty in standing up to this nasty abusive bully.

GillT57

Sorry, I know he is your son, but report the bastard.

Yes.
Your DIL needs to have full custody with your help.
NSPCC will take this seriously and will contact Social Services. If they do not then contact Social Services direct.

He should be prosecuted for child abuse.