Do people really enjoy being on their own? Or is that a defence?

It seems that a lot of the people who truly enjoy being on their own have a very active social life with family, friends, colleagues, etc. In the past few years I went from having three kids at home down to 2, then 1 then none last year. I had been visiting my mom in a nursing home every day for the past six years and working full time. Also divorced so was responsible for the house/yard, repairs, etc. My kids are out, my mom died in April, I still work full time (schedule increased during the pandemic) and have hired someone to do the yard. I went from being busy all the time to alone all the time. I am sooooo lonely! I hate eating dinner in front of the tv every night, I hate the incredible silence in the house all the time and find the news much too depressing to even keep on for background noise. I can relate to Luckygirl and Esspee. The pandemic distancing feels extreme to me - I see people vacationing and entertaining and yet I haven't seen my daughters in months. (Their choice though so maybe that is also bothering me). I guess it is perspective more than anything. I'm not looking for a relationship and due to covid can't really join any groups, outings, volunteer activities. Anyone got any suggestions on how to not feel alone when you actually are alone all the time? I am not enjoying this even one little bit.

Another one here who likes being on their own after 4 children and a bad marriage and then looking after a mother in a wheelchair for 3 years , everyday that dawns is a pleasure to do as I please for me and not someone else.

I agree with most of you I am a bubbly person and am really interested in people and their lives, but I love being on my own too, just this last year or two I have acquired a holiday lodge near the coast where I can go and be alone with my dog and without my husband and it keeps me sane! Family have been coming to see me during August holiday season but I am always glad when they have gone, they make such a mess in my little pad and I have to disinfect everything when they go especially toilet

*Luckygirl, I completely agree. I lost my husband a year ago and during lockdown, grieving was so difficult without the support of friends and family. I envied people that had the company of their partner. We all enjoy alone times but it’s nice to be able to choose when, not have it as a permanent state.

Found myself alone after 40yrs married. Hated being alone at first as I was over thinking everything in my life. But now 3yrs on I have anew partner, but I’m quite happy to have my own space too.

Not currently alone, although, twice widowed, I have spent a great deal of time alone in the past. I think I am a little anti-social. I dislike large groups, and noisy people and places.
Currently, I am married to a lovely man, with similar tastes to my own (i.e. we like a quiet life). I think the problem for me, is that I don't have children (due to a birth defect), and I didn't have a happy childhood - so I don't share the sort of "normal" background of the majority of people, and soon run out of conversation topics. I sincerely hope I don't become a widow again (twice is definitely sufficient), but I have learned to be happy by myself in the past, and would probably do so again, if necessary.

I used to like my own company, but have been suffering from severe anxiety for nearly a year (which hasn't been helped by the pandemic!) and now I find it really difficult. My husband is not a talkative person, and I really miss working and having people to talk to. Unfortunately now is not the right time to look for another job!

I do like socialising but in small doses. Sometimes I find myself thinking when I arrive somewhere how soon can I politely leave ? little and often suits me just fine. I don’t like large groups either, a wedding invitation fills me with horror! I do enjoy myself when I am with people (with some exceptions!) and come away energised but if the outing drags on too long it’s just exhausting

I love being on my own. I lost my husband suddenly 13 years ago and at that point could never imagine being on my own. Now I wouldn't have it any other way. I can please myself, do my own thing and not have to worry about other people. I think you have to be comfortable in your own skin to be able to live on your own, I have a lot of time for "me" - I have been through all sorts and am out the other side now. Happy days are here once more.

I most definitely like being on my own. I enjoy meeting people like my friends and family but I really don't enjoy striking up conversations with strangers. It all seems so pointless and inane.

Helenlouise3, you sound just like me! I have 3 grownup children, 2 grandchildren and a dog I love walking. I too like being on my own and am quite happy crocheting ( I make toys for premature babies), reading and oil painting. I get together now and again with good friends that I have made over the years not many but those friends who have been there for me no matter what. Maybe we should get together, but then we wouldn't be happily on our own!!

I would like one day on my own ....I’m 69 and have always got to be ‘doing’ for someone! Not one day on my own. I think I’d rather like it.

I've loved being on my own ever since I was a teenager. I enjoyed nothing better than when the family left the house and I had it all to myself! I had a happy childhood but I think it may have had something to do with being adopted. I'm an outgoing person and loved to socialise in my youth but I do enjoy my solitude now. I'm never bored and, if I want company, I go for a walk, there is always someone to talk to.

Hi guys

Just wanted to know, if there are any Janeites on this platform.

I've read and re-read her novels. I've watched all her films, many times over.

After things get better with covid I'm going to visit Chawton House.

Would be nice to know that I am not the only crazy person out there.

Because I am in an unhappy marriage I cherish any time I am alone. During lockdown it’s been awful so I have wAlked a lot on my own or gone out in the car . This morning I spent an hour in Morrison’s cafe reading. I enjoy meeting with friends but if I lived alone I would be content. Even at family gatherings I can only stay for so long then I need to leave. Definitely an introvert.

I have a husband, 2 grown up children and 6 grandchildren ranging from 7-21. As you can imagine this is a busy household. I have one good friend and socialize occasionally. When I get the chance to be on my own, I love it. I love reading, knitting/crochet and walking the dog, so find plenty to do.

In a word YES,
I enjoy being on my own , it's a real luxury for me.
The older I get the more some people annoy me.

My friends and family have suggested that I am clinging on to "lockdown and social distancing ie isolation" " in order to avoid them, or that I need professional help to come out of it. I find being on my own sooooooo peaceful and freeing.

Lucca

oldmom

It's the main difference between introverts and extroverts. Extroverts​ recharge their batteries by social interaction. They need people around to feel energetic and lively.

Introverts recharge their batteries by spending time alone. Social interaction is great in small doses but too much is exhausting.

Essentially, extroverts need we introverts a lot more than we need them!

Sorry I disagree. Nobody would ever describe me as an introvert . I’d say I interact with other people every day But I still like living alone.

oldmom is 100% right. The definition of an introvert is not widely understood. You can like living alone and still be an extrovert. Introverts are not necessarily "shy" people who avoid social contact and extroverts don't need to be the life and soul of the party.

I’m living on own. Enjoy it most of time but would like a special friend to chat and coffee with. Times like that I’m so lonely. Miss my dear friend who was recently a victim of this awful virus. Apart from her - nothing doing. So maybe I’m 50/50. I like people but a lot of longterm friends have moved away to be near family. I have one son and two grandchildren. See them regularly. Just a little bit of social life and special buddy would be great. Ah well will see what the future holds.

I married late so I lived on my own for many years of my adult life.

I was quite content to do so, although I did sometimes miss having someone to share things with.

Married happily, so lonliness isn't a factor, but I do still like to be on my own occasionally, and fortunately so does DH.

I hate living alone

Enjoy is not a word I'd use in relation to living alone. I think I have adapted. I am certainly not unhappy, not even remotely, but this would not be my first choice life. Having said that, I have never once been aware of being lonely. Too much otherwise love around me. If I can't have the only companion I want - and I can't - then this'll do me nicely thank you. Life is not perfect but pretty darn good and I'm grateful for that.

oldmom

It's the main difference between introverts and extroverts. Extroverts​ recharge their batteries by social interaction. They need people around to feel energetic and lively.

Introverts recharge their batteries by spending time alone. Social interaction is great in small doses but too much is exhausting.

Essentially, extroverts need we introverts a lot more than we need them!

Sorry I disagree. Nobody would ever describe me as an introvert . I’d say I interact with other people every day But I still like living alone.

I used to think I was happy alone, but the isolation brought about by vivid is too much !
I used to go to bridge clubs and look after my grandchildren, now I can't do either of those things and I am definitely lost and lonely.