Do people really enjoy being on their own? Or is that a defence?

It seems that a lot of the people who truly enjoy being on their own have a very active social life with family, friends, colleagues, etc. In the past few years I went from having three kids at home down to 2, then 1 then none last year. I had been visiting my mom in a nursing home every day for the past six years and working full time. Also divorced so was responsible for the house/yard, repairs, etc. My kids are out, my mom died in April, I still work full time (schedule increased during the pandemic) and have hired someone to do the yard. I went from being busy all the time to alone all the time. I am sooooo lonely! I hate eating dinner in front of the tv every night, I hate the incredible silence in the house all the time and find the news much too depressing to even keep on for background noise. I can relate to Luckygirl and Esspee. The pandemic distancing feels extreme to me - I see people vacationing and entertaining and yet I haven't seen my daughters in months. (Their choice though so maybe that is also bothering me). I guess it is perspective more than anything. I'm not looking for a relationship and due to covid can't really join any groups, outings, volunteer activities. Anyone got any suggestions on how to not feel alone when you actually are alone all the time? I am not enjoying this even one little bit.

All those things you get a buzz from? I do not and never have. I don't like chatting and don't get a buzz from people. I have always liked my own company. As a child, my mum tried to almost force me to go and play with people, but I liked to be alone, drawing, writing, reading. I always had one best friend. I think people are of two kinds. Those who get their energy and pleasure from others, and those who get it from their own company and find others tiring. Of course, there is a difference between alone and lonely, between choice and enforced solitude, but yes, I am one of those people who would choose to stand alone on the school playground pick up, on a coach trip and so on, preferring my own mind and thoughts. Idle 'chit chat' never appealed. My husband is the opposite. He finds people, new people, their doings and so on interesting. And of course I enjoy the odd dinner with friends or party, but on the whole, and maybe it's because I am creative. A writer, artist, etc. that my inner life always seemed richer and more fun to be in.

As a private music teacher, l spend a lot of time with other people (all on Zoom for the last few months) and, much though love it, it can be exhausting as l am giving out all the time. I really need time on my own afterwards to recuperate. I am very sociable in other ways but again relish the times on my own. I suppose l am an extroverted introvert.

I used to be the life and soul. Now I find that other people can either bore or annoy me. I find socialising drains me; so many folk just moan all the time. I do wish they'd stop and realise how lucky they are.
Thankfully, my family do not bore me (and they know when to give me space) - one or two of my colleagues are rather amazing too.
But a day in the house alone: reading, watching TV, eating what I like when I like, my things around me unmoved and untouched, is heaven.
My two grown up children are just like me... they love their alone time.
It would be impossible to get bored with so much brilliant literature in the world.

I agree with Kim19. I was widowed 10 years ago when I was 53. Have got used to living alone but not the way I thought my life would be after the children left home. I am content in my own company, have friends and some family nearby although both my sons and grandchildren live further away.
I enjoy reading and am happy to go walking and getting out and about by myself in this country. Found holiday companies which are aimed at solo travellers as this has meant I have been able to travel abroad as part of a group. Hope I can do this again next year as still have places to visit!

I’ve read all the posts with great interest and it’s fascinating to learn about all the differing points of view. I live with my DH and have a daughter and son living nearby. Being alone from time to time isn’t a problem for me and I’m happy to go out alone as well. What I don’t understand is why people so enjoy pleasing themselves all the time. I think it’s good to have to consider other people and do things for them. It not good to be able to please myself all the time. Just now I need to get dinner ready. If my DH was out I probably wouldn’t bother but I’ll be glad when I done it. I’m also happy to do things for others and have no interest in being able to do what I like all the time. Moderation in all things!

Being alone is fantastic. My idea of hell, is having someone round me all the time, especially when l feel ill, and the thought of group activities fill me with horror.
Lockdown was blissful, and all too short.
Friends are most welcome, but in small doses.
Some people are just happy in their own company, and have no idea what loneliness feels like.

I am another who likes being on my own. I divorced 15 years ago and was blissfully happy just being able to do what i wanted when i wanted. I've realised since that i should never have married, so have avoided relationships since. I like to spend time with my children and grandchildren but i love to come home to peace and quiet. I'm not adverse to a chat as long as it doesnt go on for too long!

I relish the opportunity to be on my own. DH works from home so is rarely ‘out’. If I am going shopping he will want to come with me - drives me nuts!

I like being on my own but also happy to meet friends, talk to people on the bus, in the street but would be able to go for days without having any interaction with other people. In the past I've done private, silent retreats lasting a few days and the silence and not talking comes naturally to me. I was an only child and we lived in houses with no immediate neighbours so I spent a lot of time alone although I was happy when school friends came round to play. I was never bored. I do have a DH by the way and DDs and gdds.

i was widowed at 39, i had never been without a family/boyfriend/husband since i was 13, i met a really nice man a year after my husband died but we both just wanted companionship we are still together 18 years later, he comes to my home at the weekend and it suits us both, i see my son and his family every few weeks, i do not have any close friends, just a few neighbours that i sit outside and have a chat with now and agian, i am happy on my own...in fact i prefer it, as they say each to there own xx

I went through a phase a while back of feeling very lonely.
It's nice to think there are people to have a coffee with, or watch a film, and it's quite disconcerting to realise that there really isn't anyone.

On balance though, I still enjoy my own company.

I actually start to feel quite out of sorts if I feel people are taking up too much of my time.

My family knew the signs, and to leave me alone.

It's nice to think there are people to have a coffee with, or watch a film, and it's quite disconcerting to realise that there really isn't anyone

I think it was MawB who once said that she's got plenty of people to do something with but it's the person that you sometimes want to do nothing with that's missed the most.
apologies to MawB if I've misquoted you

I don’t think I fit into the introvert/extrovert category at all. I think I’m a gregarious loner. Loving my own company for long periods, I am, like many, missing all my social activities and as I like to dress up and make an effort, I don’t like the sloppiness that has descended after lockdown; that “What’s the use, I’m not seeing anyone?” thought as I float around the house braless and in ‘loungewear’?. Days alone in the house don’t bother me and often when I used to reluctantly go to parties or family gatherings, I would always be the last to leave and sorry it was ending. Yet before lockdown I still fancied going on a retreat. A small gathering after a recent family funeral made me realise that I am more gregarious than I think.
As for visitors, like fish, they go off after three days...

@Jaggy64 I've been to Chawton, I was doing something else in the area and got there early enough in the day to get the bus there from Alton. I loved it, I'd have been happy enough to go with someone who was interested, but rather on my own than with someone who was not interested. You'll love it. My husband went off, but for a long time about the only time I got to go places that interested me was when I did go away with work. I really enjoyed looking to see where I could go as part of my trip. When we went together to Bath I wasn't able to see what I wanted, we'll only bits, had to be back to meet up with him, he wasn't interested in what I was interested in. But I did manage to go a year or so ago around a visit to a friend, and I still need to go back as didn't have time to see everything. Was going to this October with work and was planning a longer trip visiting friends and family, but all off with covid, I'll get there and finish my visit. If you plan and are on your own you can fit a lot into a short time.
I do dance but have yet to get myself a proper costume

I had never lived on my own, without a partner or children at home until I was 51. Always had long term relationships/marriage until then.

That was 20 years ago and initially I craved more company than I had. But I adjusted....now I love it. I live on my own and relish the peace, the quiet and the freedom.

I was an only child until I was 11 in a small, quiet family, and could always amuse myself and keep busy quite happily and I found that again. I am interested in many things and love walking, gardening, painting, refurbishing old furniture, TV, internet and read loads....amongst other things. I enoy eating out and the cinema on my own too.

I could never live with anyone again, I see my sons and grandchildren, and have a couple of good friends too but always happy to come home. So yes, I enjoy solitude and days when I can do what I want, when I want.

I always hated parties and dreaded weddings and big gatherings and cliquey groups as I can get anxious and stressed by certain personalities. I can happily chat to someone on the bus stop though as I prefer one to one interactions and I'm quite friendly believe it or not.

There are only the two of us at home now and while i love the time we spend together i also love the days when he is at work and i have the house to myself, no one to talk to, everything so quiet you can hear the house breathing.
I now have a reason not to have to go outside, not to have to talk to people unless i want to. I love my alone time.

grantothree Thank you for your post. I can imagine how you felt learning your aunt had been suffering loneliness in silence. You sound like a very kind lady. The response to your post was reassuring. Most said they liked being alone, some or most of the time. Some said they didn't like being alone and made sure they weren't.

Your heading asked if people saying they enjoy being alone is a defence. I suspect that is true sometimes. It can be difficult to admit that you don't like being alone. In the six pages of responses your post received, I think only 9 women said they are lonely. Many more may have read your post and been disinclined to respond. I thought long and hard before I did.

You've inspired me to post specifically about loneliness. I wouldn't if I had to reveal my real name. Thank you and please keep being friendly to people who seem lonely. If they are, you probably make their day.

I hate being on my own and I really admire those people who enjoy it. I would love to but I do t. There’s just me and DH now and I don’t like it. We get in really well I just find getting older and moving on very sad. I also suffer from anxiety and depression and this is quite common for anxiety sufferers. I love this forum though xx

Yes, I do! Everyone is different, there are people who can't stand being alone as they are bored by being on their own, but there are also those who get tired of any company pretty easily. That's me and I can tell you for sure that I enjoy being alone.

I was another only child. I was sent to boarding school as my parents thought it would help to alleviate the ‘only’ status. So, all my friends came from far & wide and mostly we lost touch. I was a shy child who strangely became a very outgoing extrovert adult. I married another ‘only’ so there were no nieces nephews or inlaws. We had 3 children. Luckily they have all married into big families and have inlaws by the dozen and, I’ll admit it, I am jealous No way would I have had just one child. Now everything has gone full circle, widowed suddenly 8 years ago and I absolutely hate it. My girls have such full lives & I basically sit on the side lines feeling a spare part. 2 years ago I moved nearer to the eldest but hard as I try I have no ‘friends’in this. (stuffy) village and half of my close neighbours I’ve only met briefly when I had a NY party! (not one return invitation even for a cup of tea) I joined various village activities but during lockdown everything has stopped. I’m gradually making pals through an art group I set up with a new friend in a nearby town & some of us have been meeting weekly in the garden but its the long interminable hours alone at home which daily reduce me to a sobbing wreck. How I long for someone to do nothing with. To do ‘things’ with. I suppose I enjoy 5% of my alone time & I can do & eat what I want when I want but I can see no end to this. I know people whose AC talk to them every day which is a bit OTT. I’d be happy with once a week ?
So, a very long answer to your question Grantothree - no, I don’t enjoy being alone

I know alotof people who live alone and have never heard them complain.
I lived alone for just over a year and i blumming loved it.
No-one to answer to,asking for something or another,interupting my reading/watching tv/listening to the radio,oh those were the days.

you can enjoy being on your own and speaking to people or going for a coffee or suchlike, at the same time. I'm used to being on my own but even I was really pleased to see people during lockdown [and beyond.
It's having the choice

I met my husband when I was 15, left my Mum & Dads when I moved into my marital home when I was 19 and have been married for 38 years.
What’s “being alone”?

Yes I love my solitude and my home! I am sociable but an introvert too. I like my own space. Even more so now since my husband passed 2 and a half years ago.