Late 50’s over 60’s what exactly does your other half do round the house

I’m the mug who does it all and work. He hangs out washing and empties dishwasher when asked.

That is so sad faye. There are others who seem to have married inconsiderate men.

We have been lucky enough to be able to employ people to help in the house and garden but I know that MrLester would pull his weight if that were not so. Not sure I would!!

42 years married today, 42 years doing everything on my own
So-called 'husband is downstairs with Happy Anniversary card at the ready as always, completely uncomprehending why I'm not falling into his arms.
After decades of cajoling, pleading, discussing, explaining I'm done.
His motto is ' I never asked you to do it'
So the grass could grow up to the roof and merge with the grass growing in the gutters and he wouldn't bat an eye.
I keep as much apart from him as possible in a small house but with all the housework, painting, decorating, gardening, shopping, family occasion organization in my court I'm kept busy.
I have wonderful adult children, a beautiful little grandson and close friends and I live in a very pretty, well-maintained ( by me) house.
However, I live the life of a single person and the years have been very lonely

2nd marriage - 29 years. DH does downstairs and I do upstairs. He's far more thorough than I am. He also does bins, but he gets that from his dad! I shop and cook most days, my choice. Sometimes we cook together or he'll do one of his specialities such as stir fries . All prepared by him in advance. I think he likes all the chopping. We've never argued about housework although he does roll his eyes at the state of cooker when I've finished something as he always cleans it. He was divorced before we married and living with his teenage son. I suppose if he didn't do housework then, it wouldn't get done and he likes a tidy home. I'm sadly a bit messy. We retired at the same time and domestic stuff has never been an issue. I'm not being smug, my first marriage was dreadful and I know how lucky I am to have found this lovely man. I could not bear to have the daily conflicts that obviously go on about the responsibilities of mundane tasks. It must be soul destroying. Sounds like a lot of power play by husbands as in "I'm not doing that, what are you going to do about it ?"

I agree kittylester permitting does not come into it. I pay someone to help where necessary and if its financially viable. My husband dislikes the idea of having help and is usually critical but that's his problem.

Spangler, we have a weekly cleaner and an occasional gardener for our small garden. I usually do the ironing but I will send it out if it suits me.

We have always had a cleaner and a gardener even though I was a SAHM. We have 5 children and, until we moved here, the consequent large house and garden. Permitting it didn't come into it - I expected it!

I once found a gent's sock on the stairs about halfway up and right in the middle. I bent down to pick it up and stopped. It wasn't my sock and it was just the latest in a long line of me picking up items that belonged to DH or DS so I decided to leave it there and see how long before it got picked up. THREE WEEKS! and only then because I'd had enough and drew attention to it. Anyway a few years later I read a book called 'Why men don't listen and women can't read maps' Really good actually and explained a lot including why guys do not 'see' things like that sock or dirty skirting, cupboards, sealant etc. Apparently it because of our caveman origins. Makes back then were the hunters and protectors of the tribe so their brains were wired to see things in the distance such as animals to hunt for food or something on the horizon coming towards the settlement to possibly attack it. Women on the other hand were the nurtures and protectors of children and home so they were similarly wired but to see things in a closer radius so as to keep an eye of the babies and children, anything on the floor nearby that could do harm to them for example. Now whether this is true or not it does kind of neatly explain why our beloved men can seemingly ignore a sock on the stairs. They are displaying their cavemen brain wiring and it simply does not register. Irritating I know but useful if a sabretooth tiger should be prowling at the end of the street!

We’ve been together for 56 years. Apart from an 8 year break when I was at home because the kids were little, I returned to the workforce straight after that period and then held a full time job for 32 years, and retired 10 years ago, a year after my husband retired. For as long as I can remember we have always had a cleaning lady - even now in retirement. We have joint accounts for all household expenses, vacations, car expenses etc. We also have - and manage - our own separate bank accounts and our own investment accounts. I handle all the gardening (small garden) because I enjoy it and also manage a vegetable allotment - but I do expect help with heavy gardening tasks. DH handles the bins, I do most of the cooking, he always clears the table, loads the dish washer and clears up. We share the grocery shopping and the laundry. DH spends more time in the house than me as I have quite a few outside interests. It more or less works for us - I wouldn’t say it’s 50 - 50, but then I have more energy than DH at this stage of our lives!

I remember when we first married over 50 years ago now, hubby didn't know what a tea towel was for. Years later when the children were young I arrived home late from work and he hadn't even given them a meal, had to have the talk then. He's cooked ever since.
We all find our way in a relationship, I grumble at times when he is sitting watching TV while I'm dong things but generally we rub along like most couples do with the occasional grumble.

i was widowed at 39, am now 58, i met someone on a bereavement website and he has been my companion/partner for 16 years, we have never lived together as neither of us wanted to marry again, he comes to my house on a friday and leaves on a monday, he does is own shopping, cooking and cleaning up. i was a SAHM and did everything for my husband, he helped at the weekend, if my husband was still here we would both be doing the shopping/housework etc.

re-arranging the dishwasher after I have filled it - apparently incorrectly
that's my job in this house!
He generally does empty it though.

From the male perspective, housework is tedious, I really dislike it. But, I'm house trained, by that I mean that I can cook, clean, do ironing, change the bed linen weekly and on, and on, and on.

My wife will tell you that it took a lot of training, but she will concede that I had all the basic skills when we got married. My mother died aged 33 leaving Dad with four children to raise alone. Back in the 1950's that was a big deal. It took a lot of out of him, raising us and trying to stop us all from being taken into care.

But he did it, and we kids learned, very quickly, that our home looked and smelt fresh if we cleaned it. And so it was.

Question for all you ladies: If you could have someone to come in and do all the domestic chores, would you permit it? If someone took your freshly laundered washing and returned it ironed, would you permit it? If a gardener kept your grass cut, your shrubs and hedges pruned and your garden maintained, would you permit it?

We have such help, it came about because of our work lives. There was so little social time that what there was could easily be lost to domesticity. It took a great deal of persuading before my wife agreed and even then it was one help at a time.

Having domestic help has been a blessing, but we have been very cautious about whom we have hired for help. Nowadays we just wouldn't be without them.

I do: general cleaning - vacuuming, cleaning windows and paintwork, washing, ironing, most of the admin - composing and typing letters, etc, most of the cooking, most of the dog walking, entertaining our grandchildren, cleaning out cupboards, etc and general clutter management, tidying/weeding the garden

He does: mowing lawns and planting, re-arranging the dishwasher after I have filled it - apparently incorrectly, vacuuming the car interior, washing out the green waste recycling bin, most of the shopping, small practical tasks such as mending things, fitting light bulbs, plugs. I am totally clueless and embarrassingly hopeless at even the most basic practical tasks.

I think I do the bulk of the work but, on the other hand, he could do everything I do if he had to, whereas I couldn't do everything he does.

I also do all the household chores,and take the bins out ,and do the shopping on line.
I also do all the cooking as i clear up as i go along.
He does the garden,and yes we are both retired.

I agree, do apply for Attendance Allowance, it not means tested and your local Citizens Advice will help you complete the application if you need help.

My husband does nothing. As far as he is concerned he works so I have to do housework. This also includes all the gardening and decorating. I buy all the nice things in the house and now he is trying to make me pay for the bigger items as well. I want a divorce but cannot support myself. He is an emotional and financial bully

My DH does the dishes, and, errrrr, hmmmmm errrrr, he does the dishes (with lots of noisy sighing), if I think of anything else I will let you know!

We share the jobs according to who is best at them, we all have strengths and weaknesses don't we? As for paying - we have a joint account and whatever we need comes out of it, there is no my money, your money, it's all our money. Which I deal with although Mr PattyFingers does always ask if we can afford something before I order it. It works out really well for us.

Jillybird. Thank you so much. Now I know I am not alone. I decided to read part of your reply to my husband as well. To show that I have an ally. He laughed. But I think he is taking tips from your husband. He pointed out that your husband has banned you from his room. “And Jillybird obeys”, he mused. “She only peeps round the door”. I also very much recognise this refusal to contemplate getting any workman in for “trivial jobs” and then the jobs not being done for years.

MrPJ1 is a a gem.
I’m still working but because of Covid only part time.
He does everything, gardening, housework and he cooks better than me..
I must treasure him.
I just wish he didn’t make me feel guilty.?

We do have a certain division of labour, but we never employ anyone else to do things we can do ourselves. Hence, in the 14 years we have been in this house we have turned a tumble down barn into a 1-bed lettable property, gutted our own house which was in an unbelievable state when we moved in, built a greenhouse from scratch, built a large glazed summerhouse, built various sheds, and lately added a garden room to the front of the house.
I still do most of the housework, gardening and veg-growing though! Nevertheless I'm very proud of my cement-mixing, tarmac laying, tiling, plasterboarding, path-laying etc. skills!

I do all the housework and most of the cooking he works very long hours I’m at home all day, he will do diy etc decorating all the things that I can’t do, I do the bins, he cooks when he has couple days off, he pays all bills. We have joint account! If we want to buy anything for the house and it’s a big thing we always discus what we are going to buy together, we are a good team, we go shopping together, I wouldn’t change him for the world,

My hubby is disabled, but does what he can. He takes out the bins, will hoover, and makes drinks. He's a bit "wobbly" and needs a stick for walking though, due to Arthritis. He can't walk far. He does the driving, and takes me where ever I need to go. I'm partially sighted and small in stature, so he also "finds" things if I can't, and reaches things, I can't get to!
I do everything else, though he will help if I ask for it! We are both retired and in our 70's. I'm fine with this, as I know he would willingly do far more if he were able bodied.

We've been together about 18 years. My husband does all the cooking. I bake. I've forgotten how to cook dinners! He does more than he should - considering he's had a heart bypass, has severe arthritis and old injuries from an accident years ago, and an aneurysm. I think he's still here due to his refusal to give in to pain etc. I do the laundry and most of gardening. Share shopping, bins and finances ( although I keep track on a spreadsheet- sad!) He's been up fixing the roof recently and is busy putting up new blinds today. I've seen days when he's cooking dinner and I'm putting up shelves. He can turn his hand to most tasks ( installed central heating in previous house) but has to accept he's not fit enough to do some things now.
I think our mutually acceptable job sharing is because we can listen to each other and discuss anything. I've been married before and know OH and I are lucky!

Pippa22 "You have only yourselves to blame and not be proud that you have dependent men and that you are skivvies. The days of running around after your man should be long gone but seems very much alive here".

You would be even more surprised with what I observe. My DD married one such individual twenty years ago. Her two children (19 and 17) put him to shame. She has a full-time job and a business demanding physical all-weather ability.

Throughout the life of her boys she has been the leading force for ensuring they know how to cook, take care of themselves and their clothes, and domesticated enough to clean a house well and change and make beds. Try to get their father to do anything beyond cook a meal or empty/fill the washing machine/tumble dryer is like trying to pull tiger teeth.

They live in a beautiful part of the country with a lot of space - the house needs decorating and has done for years. The once beautiful garden an overgrown weed haven. Employ someone to help and he interferes, telling them what to do so that they go and never return. I wish one of them would say “well if you know how to do the job you don’t need me”.

Mention any shortcoming to my DD she gets upset because she knows that whatever she say’s makes no difference. He simply sulks, I know how demoralising it is because her father just such an obstructive difficult person.