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Late 50’s over 60’s what exactly does your other half do round the house

(151 Posts)
Clio51 Sun 06-Sep-20 13:59:21

I sometimes just sit and think if I didn’t do the not so obviously cleaning
Would he just let it build up or stink !!

I don’t know if I’m just being unreasonable or maybe petty?

We’re both at home all day
I do
Make bed, change bedding, wash bedding (wouldn’t enter his head)
I clean shower cubicle (he has 2 showers a day, will just clean base when son as been in!)
clean toilet/floor/tiles/cabinet mirror
dust skirting boards/tables etc
Always seal sealant round shower, when needed
Painting ie garage doors/front door
Clean Kitchen units out/wipe down
Clean inside windows
Ho the garden, weed tend plants

Goes shopping morning (only because he can’t stay in & to get his lunch maybe)
Cuts hedges (I help clean up)
Washes cars, maintenance
Washes dishes after tea, wipes down & mops

What does your other half do? especially if at home all day ?

Mine would rather be OUT than do anything around the house.
We have been in house 17yrs & still haven’t done
Kitchen is still the same😡 not even lick paint
Carpet on stairs, bedroom filthy
Broken Fire/surround Front room
Even when he had more money than we have now, still couldn’t be bothered

I fed up of paying out myself for things I like
Cushions, bedding, little ornament
Not expensive things , yet he benefits
I’m sick off the battles I have in order to get a nice house in order, where as he’s not bothered hence 17 yr old carpets & kitchen
I’d have to paint it myself or buy them
But he’d get a moan in say if I did like
Why you doing that now, I don’t like that etc

How do you go on if you buy things like this, who pays ?

Jane10 Sun 06-Sep-20 14:15:14

DH is in charge of the bins, everything to do with the cat litter tray and making his own packed lunch.
I do the food shopping, meal prep, washing and arrange for the cleaning and ironing to be done.
We generally pay for different aspects of our lives, meals out, holidays, bills etc but, all in all, it works out about 50/50.
I refuse to act as his mother. If he wants something done it's up to him to do it or to remember to do it. We both worked full time.

Blinko Sun 06-Sep-20 14:23:09

Same here, DH is bin person in chief. He is also my IT Department. He mows the lawn. If anything in the garden requires destroying - that could be unwanted wildlife or plant life he thinks are weeds - that's his domain. Anything to do with gadgets or electrical stuff, that's where he comes into his own. I find I'm constantly saying I don't want/need a particular gadget, only to find he has sourced it for me.

Meantime, I keep the show on the road and do everything else hmm

lemongrove Sun 06-Sep-20 14:28:21

Since we retired DH has discovered helping out with chores.
He does all the vacuuming, empties the dishwasher, puts out bins and empties wastebaskets around the house, cooks the evening meal several times a week ( he can cook!) and we share the gardening.Used to share the supermarket runs too but now have that delivered.He cleans the car.I do most of the other household chores, I don’t want a cleaner, as it all keeps me active.
Everything is done ( decorating wise) because we pay somebody to do it these days.
DH may not think to actually do something around the house but will do it if I ask him to, which is fair enough.

Jaxjacky Sun 06-Sep-20 14:30:33

My husband works, I’m retired, he’s younger than me. Most household stuff is done by whoever is around/feels like doing it. The only exceptions are that I always cook, he clears up and he does all the ironing. I also run the finances, he’d readily admit he’s hopeless with money!

Beauregard Sun 06-Sep-20 15:09:23

We've only recently retired so still finding our way.

I do the washing, most of the cleaning, shopping, most of the cooking and food prep., tidying up, vacuuming upstairs, organising things with family, friends and tradesmen.

He vacuums downstairs, cooks once a week, the dishwasher is entirely his domain, he usually does the bins, cleans the windows, puts the shopping away, and looks after most of the money side of things.

He much prefers to do outdoor jobs - mows the lawn, creosotes the fence, cuts back next doors overgrown trees and shrubs, anything he can find to do outdoors.

We share the gardening and tending our large vegetable garden - he's happy to do the heavy lifting while I do the creative side of things.

We sometimes disagree about prioritising what needs doing but generally it works well.

Reading this back, I think he does quite well really!!!

Georgesgran Sun 06-Sep-20 15:13:24

My DH is useless - always was. He worked away, so when he came home he treated the place like a hotel. He took early retirement at 54 to pursue his hobby.

To be honest - I just got used to it all. I employed who I wanted (gardener, decorator or cleaner) when needed. He was happy for me to manage the house and finances as ‘my job’ as I couldn’t really do paid work because of family commitments. He didn’t mind what I spent on my holidays with the children, as long as he could be left at home!

10 years later he was diagnosed with terminal cancer, but 5 years on still here, so I’m back in Florence Nightingale mode, again.

sodapop Sun 06-Sep-20 15:22:04

We sort of fell into the roles which suit us both really, my husband shops and cooks, I do the cleaning, laundry etc.
He does the maintenance on our old house and the decorating. I do all the admin
Unfortunately neither of us likes gardening so my husband cuts the grass and occasionally does some weeding. We share the care of our pets but he looks after the chickens.
Works for us.

Carenza123 Sun 06-Sep-20 15:23:18

My husband has been spoilt over the years, taken early retirement and I gave up my job and retired also. Moved abroad then back to Uk. Since being back (2 years) his mobility has suffered and has arthritis, walking with a stick. I do everything in the house and he is used to me running around after him. I take out the bins, housework, mow the grass, take our dog for walks, he drives the car, I get out and I walk the dog. I look after the finances via internet banking. Since lockdown we have had shopping delivered. He has no interests and we are usually together 24/7. I asked him to help me once to peg out some washing, but he said he had never done it and wasn’t about to start now.

Mamardoit Sun 06-Sep-20 16:16:28

Mr Mamardoit is fairly good really. He does what he can with limited movement now.

He still manages some gardening and DIY. We do it together now whereas in the past he would have done most of the gardening.

In home he can do basic cooking including a roast dinner. He is a bit messy but will wash up/load the dishwasher too.
I probably still do most of the cooking.

I have to wipe doors and units and clean floors and stairs. I also clean windows inside. He can put the hoover round and dust/polish.

He would struggle to make beds so I do that and I usually clean the bathroom but he will do it if I ask him. He doesn't think to clean the bathroom until I ask him.

He can and does load the washing machine. He doesn't iron but I don't do that often either.

Cutting the grass and hedges and cleaning the car is what the youngest son does. He also cooks sometimes or buys a take away.

Pre covid we did the main shop together. Now he orders on line and I nip into Aldi or Savers when needed.

geekesse Sun 06-Sep-20 16:23:24

I am continually amazed that so many women on GN put up with outdated gender-divided roles and attitudes in their domestic lives in this and other threads.

I live alone. Anything that needs doing has to be done by me. If I don’t choose to do something, it doesn’t get done. I earn my own money and I use it to pay for things I need or want. Any money left is mine to save.

I heartily recommend this lifestyle; I’m quite content, and have no cause to moan about anyone. Try divorce as a solution!

justwokeup Sun 06-Sep-20 16:30:50

DH has always been pretty useless with housework but, as he worked away, he always had a reason for not doing anything. Now he's retired he's much more helpful with cooking and housework but I've realised he doesn't do many things as he really has no aptitude. His DIY costs £££ to put right. However, the internet and TV providers are his sole domain!

rubysong Sun 06-Sep-20 16:33:50

DH shops, cooks and clears up alternate weeks, vacuums (if I leave it long enough!). Also cuts grass and hedges, sorts out cars, mends boiler and generally does DIY. We change the bedding together.
Everything is paid for from a joint account, neither of us would spend a large amount without consultation. When he worked from home and I was still at work he cooked etc. five days a week and I did weekends. His father always did quite a lot of cooking so he didn't see it as a problem. I have no complaints, it has worked for nearly fifty years.

Jane10 Sun 06-Sep-20 16:46:37

I don't have any aptitude for running a house either but I do it because I have to. Until lockdown I insisted that DH shopped and prepared one meal a week for himself so he could learn costs, portion sizes, reasonable food combinations, timings etc. It took a while but it did make him appreciate what I do. He used to get himself huge curries for two with turnip as a veg! Now he reads labels.

Judy54 Sun 06-Sep-20 17:09:20

Hello Clio51 sort out what roles suit each of you best. Perhaps you can swap so that you do the shopping, cut hedges, wash cars, wash dishes etc whilst he makes the beds, cleans and dusts. It may make a nice change.

TwiceAsNice Sun 06-Sep-20 17:32:40

I live alone and do everything myself. Prefer it that way and there’s nobody to irritate you and nobody to blame

kittylester Sun 06-Sep-20 17:39:47

Dh does the finances and bills and I do the shopping and cooking - very conventional, I'm afraid. But then he enjoys being in the study and I love cooking.

I was a SAHM and did everything before dh retired but he now moves investments around etc so I leave him to it.

We have a cleaner and an occasional gardener. Everything else is done by whoever!

We have joint accounts!

Starblaze Sun 06-Sep-20 17:46:07

My husband and I both do a bit of everything when we are both home, except if one of us is just better at it... My husband is doing most of the cooking right now as an example.

I do notice we have different standards though lol

That doesn't usually become a problem because I just let him know it needs doing....

Calendargirl Sun 06-Sep-20 17:46:17

We’re both retired.
I do most of the housework and cooking, DH cooks Sunday dinner, and very good too.
He does the gardening, anything to do with the car including filling up with petrol, I never do that, but I do drive it! All the decorating.
I am in charge of the finances, but all out of joint account, we never disagree about money.

Oh, and unlike many, the bins are mostly dealt with by me.

If anything happened to him, I know I would miss all he does very much, but by the same token, I am sure he would miss what I do also.

Nonogran Sun 06-Sep-20 18:07:09

At last, someone who recognises and airs the syndrome of domestically neutral/ignorant/stubborn men. Such a relief to know I'm not the only one who shares the OP's thoughts on the matter!
After years alone I found myself living full time with my chap. He does not come from near me geographically. Circumstances dictated living together for quite a while because we were doing up a property & I needed his professional skills, but oh how I struggled with the domestic life at home with a bloke whose mantra is "I'll do anything you ask me." What a cop out! He's much better now & does help much more when we're at my place for any length of time. We're not living full time together anymore which suits me fine. My mantras became "I'm not your mother", "you're not six years old", "I wasn't born knowing how to do this, I had to learn" (how to clean a loo, iron, cook, clean up, etc). At least when he retreats to his own place I get a break & best of all I can visit him & can let him get on with it on his own term. Overall, it seems women of a certain age will often, not always, fall into the stereotypical role playing & men just don't get it! It's hard work, I hate and resent it but sadly if you like to have a nice clean, tidy home coupled with happy times together, it's the price we pay. If this was not the case, I'd have kicked him into touch ages ago!! We're together, living apart. Ideal!

Luckygirl Sun 06-Sep-20 19:03:09

It was the other way round with us when my OH was alive - my "filth/untidiness threshold" was far higher than his, so he would just get on with it all, knowing it would have to get a very great deal worse before I felt moved to do it! I am very short-sighted of course, so I could not see the dust/dirt! - that's my excuse anyway! smile

annodomini Sun 06-Sep-20 19:32:56

I've always been a useless housewife/home-maker. I've been on my own for 34 years, except for the years when my two DSs and their partners came home and went away again. I had a cleaner until the lock-down and so far he hasn't come back. My sons are very domesticated through no effort on my part. One is a great DiYer and the other a really good decorator. Unfortunately they both live over 150 miles away!

Curlywhirly Sun 06-Sep-20 19:37:09

I'm retired and my husband still works ((however, he's been working from home since Covid lockdown); I do all the domestic tasks (mind you, that's not just because I'm retired - I blummin' well did them all when we both worked!). It has caused rows in the past, but now I'm retired I suppose I feel it's only fair. His only jobs are mowing the lawns, small DIY jobs, putting out the bins, walking the dog (I also do some walks with her) and clearing up the dishes after our evening meal. He also deals with the finances (I used to do it, but thankfully he's taken over in recent years). We have a joint account and have always lived by the rule of 'what's mine is yours and what's yours is mine' we have never argued about money and both spend what we like; luckily neither of us are reckless with money and trust each other to be careful. However, where my husband does excel is if we or the children have a problem; he's a real rock in a crisis and just takes care of everything, whereas I'm a real panic merchant! He intends to retire in a couple of years and I fully intend to share the domestic tasks once he does - I've done more than enough!

Maggiemaybe Sun 06-Sep-20 19:51:56

We play to our strengths really, and I think we end up with a 50/50 split.

He does all the day to day cooking, including meal planning, and the provision of “hot beverages”. grin He’s in sole charge of the bins, looking after the car, and gardening, including a large allotment. And ironing, because the only things that are ironed here these days are a few of his shirts.

I do the bulk of the tidying, cleaning and laundry, though he’ll often sort the dishwasher or vacuum. If we have friends and family round I do the cooking, ditto for special occasions. I do the online grocery shopping, and my spreadsheets and I are in charge of all admin, holiday planning, presents and finance.

We both do decorating and house maintenance. We look after grandchildren, in normal times, together. We have always had a joint account, so there’s no question of who pays for what. We’ve both got time to enjoy our retirement and we work well together.

Curlywhirly, my DH only discovered his inner chef when he retired, so take heart, who knows what jobs yours may take off you?

Curlywhirly Sun 06-Sep-20 22:16:52

Maggiemaybe I live in hope!!