Doesn't sound to me that either of you are 'happy' in this relationship.
As oopsadaisy says, work out if you would rather trundle on as you are or want to make a complete break. Bricks and Mortar mean nothing if you are miserable but only you knows how unbearable it is?
You forgave him his affair but sounds like he didn't actually want you to forgive him? Err not sure what that is all about but stop the tears, think about what YOU want then with the help of a solicitor present him with the fait accompli!
Get half an hour with a decent Solicitor and find out exactly where you stand with House, Bank accounts and Pensions.
Then at least you will know and if your OH doesn’t agree or understand any of it then it’s his problem.
Once you have your ducks in a row you can decide what you want to do, stay with him and put up with his crap or get out with most of the money from the house and quite possibly half of his Private Pension. The rest of your post is all history, it’s where you are now that counts.
So very long story, it would take too long to go into So I’ll try and condense it
Partner & I bought house together(me house him renting) I sold mine and put my 80k straight down for deposit and so that I would have NO Mortgage, we got mortgage for 80k in both names BUT he paid full mortgage himself.
On buying the house solicitor set up a deed of trust to protect my 80k which he said at the time So I pay all the mortgage? Solicitor said if you want .....,, to pay half that means so will in the end owe 75% & you 25% He didn’t want that, so signed the declaration.
So this as been a massive problem in the relationship as he thinks I’ve conned him!! Also 4 yrs ago he had an affair of 2 yrs which I always thought something was not right but when brought up the usual thing Your mad, what you talking about Anyway all come to light with a bit of me looking about.
He said he wanted to give it a go again and Know it’s 4 yrs on
Don’t get me wrong we have our issues both of us I suffer anxiety/depressio(this I think lead to affair, as I was really poorly) He as ocd, timing of things Getting up, breakfast dinner tea. Clothes washing twice a day(3 if us) hides his things that he bought and few other things
Anyway the other day he said as I was going back to shop for what he’d forgot He said Are you happy I said I think we better sit down, as HE obviously as something to say/tell me
Basically he said He is struggling with the affair???? I asked what he meant He said, he’s struggling that I Forgave him Well this led to me crying Saying oh your not doing this to me again, fucking my head up. He then went on to say Oh the tears as He’s coming home(my adult son) Not that I am emotionally upset He also brought up the Deed of trust, saying I conned Can’t see the passed him paying xxx in interest on a mortgage and if anything happens!!!!!! I get my 80k back @ extra
Doesn’t realise he was paying that 17 yrs ago in rent Where he would get nothing from it He also got low LTV % because of my deposit and using my name on mortgage because 17yrs ago he wouldn’t have got 80k himself He just can’t see it
So it went from bad to worse, both of us bringing old shit up We’re weren’t talking for 2 days, Sunday but more Today, less I’d say Never mentioned like normally if he’s having a day to himself On going out, said just going a toot about
So relationship is in tatters and he takes himself out
We’re both in our 60’s Me 62 he 65
Another thing that’s struck me is He’s 2 mths from government pension, he already get private pension
Just seem coincidental was he bidding his time till now ? He very good at sweeping things under the carpet and good at putting face on and talking more to my son
My heads in bits again and I don’t know what to do or even say