Mother - Daughter relationship problems.

I cut my narcissistic mother out of my life for 40 years until her death, she never showed me any love or affection when I was a child and following an argument she walked past my two small children when they were waving and calling to her.
That was the final straw.
She also gave my poor weak father an awful life.
I never in all those years missed her as she was toxic, she never sent me or my children as much as a birthday card, when I heard of her death that’s all I felt was sorrow that my children never had a proper grandmother but we can’t help who we are born to.

Well done Grannyclomps, good luck going forward.

Grannyclomps

Good for you. Watch out for a reversal in behaviour where she is super friendly, chatty, wants to see you. It's an act guaranteed to try and suck you back in. If not, then she might be really nasty to you trying to provoke a reaction. Don't engage. Good luck.

Well done Grannyclomps let her come to you and if or when she does just be pleasant don’t rake up any old problems or grievances just have a chat about the weather the mundane things in life and don’t get drawn into any nonsense

Thank you for your advice it has been taken on board. I have unfollowed and will acknowledge birthdays and Christmas’s.

Grannyclomps I've never been able to understand the social media relationships some people engage in.

You don't really have a "proper" relationship with your mother - it's all played out on Facebook, for all to see. Weird. If your mother is all you say she is, why don't you simply delete your Facebook account and let her do whatever she likes? That way, you won't be bogged down by her negativity. Create/maintain REAL relationships with your children, friends, etc. Let go of any connections with people who don't matter.

You ‘unfollow’ someone on FB if you don’t want to hear from them but don’t want them to know.

As the others go have said, you won’t have the relationship that you want to with your Mother, let it go and move on.
Birthday cards and one at Christmas Is all she deserves.

If you are not strong enough to come off fb you don’t have to block Your mum you can just unfriend her she won't know but you won’t see all her comments etc to upset you
Do as Disney says and ‘Let it go’ it takes two to tango and
you are feeding her Keep the relationship a bit more distant and fill your life with those you get on with

i think a lot of upset and worry is caused by all this facebook stuff. i don't really understand it.
i can see it has its uses, but after all, it is not compulsory.
why don't you just not read about her on there and don't get involved or respond.
just send her birthday cards etc in the old-fashioned way, wishing her well, and leave it at that.
good luck.

In your shoes I would treat her like I would a work colleague or acquaintance, politely and with emotional distance.
You cannot change her, only how you react to her, so make some changes for yourself. Do what makes you happy. She’s the one missing out on you and your children and that is something you can pity her for. Look after yourself first!

Toadinthehole has said it all and she offered good advice. Just because it's your mother Grannyclomps, it doesn't mean that you have to accept her behaviour.

Totally agree with Toad in the Hole. You can choose your friends but you can't choose your family.

I know you said blocking her would cause issues with your wider family. I would say not to worry about that. It’s your close family you need to worry about. Your children’s welfare is paramount...then a husband/ partner? You seem to have a good relationship with two of your sisters. That’s more than many people, me included. You don’t have to engage with her because she’s your mum. It’s not law! Spend time with the people you love, and who love you back. Don’t waste time on the rest, either in the real world or on social media. We had 25 years of difficulties with family, and it led no where. There’s lots of horrible people out there, and unfortunately, some of us are related to them?. Look after yourself ?

Stop engaging with her on social media. If you don't want to unfriend her, mute her. You don't have the relationship you want with her and never will. Aim to disengage your emotions and view what she says with amused detachment. The more you try it, the easier it will become.