late to bed unreasonable?

At least he doesn't wake you up requiring sex! Mine did, now divorcing.... after 41 years. Not the sole reason, but it did play a part, made me realise what a selfish person he was ?

We have seperate bedrooms too and have done for several years now and both love it. ?. Been married for 37 years

When you have different body clocks, it's very difficult. The problem is that sleep is VITAL to good health (both physically and mentally) so being constantly disturbed is not going to be good for yours. I can also understand that he's not going to be happy about the idea of separate bedrooms (mine wasn't). My husband likes to go to bed much earlier than me (it's the mornings he wakes me up trying to sneak out before I'm ready to wake up) plus he often snores, so now we compromise by 2 nights per week he sleeps in the spare room and I get 2 good nights sleep, which keeps me going. It was either that, or seperate bedrooms. I would suggest that it's lack of sleep that's wearing down your tolerance - don't allow it to become chronic. Getting enough quality sleep is not optional to good health.

spabbygirl, I don't think it's reasonable to expect him to turn in at the same time as you.

Having said that, my lodger would often doze (and snore) on the sofa, refusing to move. It was infuriating.

I'd turn off the lights and TV, open the window and shut the door. He'd complain that he woke up freezing. Tough - he always had a choice!

I go to bed about 10pm and my husband stays up till the early hours playing games on his i pad, he's 65!! a bit long in the tooth i think. We have had seperate rooms for years and its one of the best things we ever did. I love having my own room. I can read as long as i like and i dont have to worry about disturbing anyone. Move into another room, you wont regret it, especially if he wont change his ways.

We started making use of the spare room when the kids left home. If one of us couldnt sleep, or had to get up early then they would de-camp. Usually it was me. I am a really light sleeper and just about anything wakes me up. We evolved into separate rooms and I love it. Its the ultimate luxury for me and I sleep so much better. DH wasnt keen on the idea at first, but he has accepted that a good nights sleep is vital. Interestingly he accepted this after he broke his kneecap and was in agony and couldnt sleep for a couple of months. He said it was the very first time he had ever experienced sleep problems and he had no idea how awful it is.

My dh and I have totally different sleep patterns. He goes to be between 10.30 and 11.00...Literally always between these two times ...a real creature of habit. I, on the other hand have a slightly longer range of bedtimes. Usually sometime between 12.30 and 2.00. I aim for 12.30 but it is getting more often 2.00.

I try not to disturb him. If I read I use a kindle with a back light, which works for us. Sometimes, even when I don;t get to bed until 2.00 I still need to read in order to drop off. This did cause problems before the advent of the kindle but now doesn't disturb his at all. He gets up between 7.30 and 8.00 usually but is occasionally earlier than this. If I haven't surfaced by 9.00 he comes to wake me up because it is getting 'very late' I don't mind this because he then makes breakfast and I never get dressed to face the day before 10.00.

More annoying than any differences in times for bed is our different levels of warmth needs. Dh is quite content with a tog of 4 ...in all weathers except the depths of winter. Me ...not so much. I really feel the cold so this winter we have finally decided to have 2 single quilts to suit our individual needs. Can't think why it's taken us so long.

Separate bedrooms it’s the answer! I hated the thought of it when he first suggested it, but now I absolutely love it. I wouldn’t have him (or anyone else for that matter) in with me now. I love the privacy, the exclusivity and the fact it is my own space. When we go on holiday, we still have separate rooms. It’s great! We still get jiggy from time to time but omg it’s the way forward!

When my OH is away I find it very difficult to get to sleep. I miss the closeness. On the other hand I snore a lot sometimes and if rolling over does not stop it I often go to the spare room so as not to disturb his sleep. But I then crawl back into our bed for an hours kip before I get up.

We're the opposite to OP, he goes to bed very early, I stay up late. He snores and gets up a lot in the night. When Covid started we slept separately as he is mid 70s with a dodgy heart so I wanted to reduce the risk of him catching it. We both slept much better.
We're in temporary accommodation at the moment whilst we wait to move into a new house and have only one bedroom, but it has a superking bed (two mattresses and bases, joined together) which makes a huge difference. For us this is a pretty good compromise

Mr P & I have similar sleep patterns so not a problem for us. However if either of us regularly disturbed the other I think separate rooms is a sensible solution.

When we first met my OH and I used to share the same bed. Now we sleep separately. He snores very loudly and I am a light sleeper. He also gets up most mornings at 5am for work and always disturbed me by putting the light on. In our first love struck days I would get up too and make his packed lunch. That didn't last long as I was starting to get tired at work. Now he goes to bed about 10 and I usually go anytime between 9.30 and 11.30. Although I do not sleep too well at the moment I do not have to worry about disturbing him or he me and although I know he would love to share a bed again and says if he wakes me I can turn over and go to sleep but once awake I am awake and I do need my sleep.

Separate bedrooms for us too. We both have a good nights sleep without interruption from the other.

When it’s hotels - single beds & staying with friends - sleeping pills & earplugs!

We both love each other dearly though.

Very interesting thread and I see I’m not alone sleeping separately. My late husband, after a few years of just shouting in his sleep (and a history of sleepwalking) developed nighttime epilepsy and I can’t describe the horror of that first roar. We had had a little disagreement that night and I still hold myself responsible. It affected my nerves so much I eventuality HAD to sleep separately.
On a lighter note, only peasants slept in the same bed as they had no choice, the upper classes only for copulating?

We have separate rooms as he comes to bed late and we both snore.

My husband goes to bed the same time as you, spabbygirl,

I wander upstairs between 3 or 4.

Twas always thus

I put it down to my reckless youth and many years of working nights/evenings

Me and the dog trot into the room, my phone lighting the way. I settle in bed and proceed to play games on my phone.

Does he stir?

Never

Baffles me because if the boot,(or slipper) was on the other foot I'd not be happy

I would stop or use one of the spare rooms if it disturbed him, but he sleeps like the dead . Lucky him!

I sleep alone as hubby is bedridden downstairs in his own adapted room and I like it. Sister in law quite often sleeps in the spare room when her back's playing up and she's tossing and turning, they both get some quality sleep then.

You would be surprised at the number of people who have separate bedrooms especially when they get older people!

Ladyleftfieldlover if your husband is going to the loo several times in the night he really should visit doctor for a check up. It might be an early sympton of prostate problems.

I am getting very disturbed nights, DH is up every hour to the toilet. Sometimes I get up and go to one of the spare rooms with my book. I return to the master suite for our morning cup of tea. I thought I would sleep better on my own but I still tend to wake up when he is out of bed.

My DH spends most of every evening in his study as he likes American TV & I really do not. He does like Corrie though.
He stays up until about 4am (although I know he sleeps in his chair as I hear him snoring from upstairs). To be fair I rarely wake up when he comes to bed but I do miss the company in the evening. I suppose it is his that we are both enjoying what we like on TV but it is a bit lonely.

My husband refuses to come to bed before 1-1.30ish...... he’s done it for years. When I was working and setting my alarm for 4.30 am it was ruining my health , He wound t reform and co side red me unreasonable able . He gets up about 10.... so ‘he’s alright Jack’....and didnt seem to care what sleep stress this was causing. He’s a nighthawk and I’m a dove , I love early mornings ! Now I’m retired I still rise early ...and make a point of maki g as much h mouse in the house as possible me.... revenge for me is really ‘best served up cold’. Ten years ago because of this situation I moved all his stuff into another bedroom...I told him his behaviour was causing me stress. He did t like it it....so he had to ‘lump’ it. Harmony now reigns!

We share a bed but if one of us is ill with cough etc then one of us will go in the spare bed. Also at times I am a restless sleeper so we start of together but Mr Barmey will often go into the spare room during the night. Mind you we have a cat now and it sleeps under the spare bed and snores, so not much peace in the spare room.

lol hubby often toodles off to the spare room because I snore and he is a very light sleeper, works for us.

Better to have new arrangements by mutual consent (now) while you can explain gently your reasons for needing to sleep alone. It's perfectly normal, tell him and certainly does not mean the you love him any the less. Do it now and get your sleep - you can still be the very best of friends. Far better than reaching the end of your tether and going off in a huff !!