Why does partner want trial separation

I think if I were in your shoes I would be feeling very hurt and probably be thinking that if he now doesn't really want to go then why say he does in the first place. I would bide my time get my head around his words and make plans. Then see how he is over the next few days, and if you are sure (which I think you do know) say that you do agree with him and that a separation is a good idea. Then let him go. Once he has gone you will then be able to assess your true feelings. If he wants to come back and you do want him then it has to be on your terms. I do think that once he has gone you will feel so much better and be able to get your head together. Good luck xx

You mentioned that his father is recently widowed. Does that mean his mother has recently died?

I strongly believe if someone shows you who they really are pay close attention.
You have the opportunity now to prevent further heartache and hurt.
He sounds like he's hedging his bets.
Believe in your self worth ????

Even if he is considering it the relationship isn’t worth keeping. You’re worth more,you’re worth much more.Don’t give it any more thought just wave him off and get on with your life. You will meet somebody who appreciates you and will want to spend the rest of their lives with you.

Take control of the situation it will give you certainty and l think he would have more respect for you.
You will be amazed how good you will feel and keep your own self respect.

I’m sorry for you to be going through this especially at the lockdown start but if I was you I would be inclined to show him the door and make sure that he takes all his stuff with him. Even if he’s genuine he really needs a clean break wake up call. Perhaps he does want to spend the lockdown with his family but if he was so in love with you he would spend it with you.
Man up lady this lockdown can give you the space to explore other things and try to see it as a gift ?. You can do so much alone that you can’t do with a man around. Get up when you want, eat what you like, do TV work out’s in the buff , have pamper evenings for yourself, do a correspondence course on a subject you have always had an interest in there’s so many things to be positive about. Think of yourself and indulge in your own life. Arrange a WhatsApp chat with a girlfriend and get yourself a glass of wine and put the camera on, really it’s almost as good as spending the evening with friends. You don’t have to sit on your own get yourself chatting with friends and family by appointment. It works for me ! Xx

A song I haven't heard in years is now playing in my head The Beautiful South ''A little time''. I suggest you add it to your play list when drinking the wine and playing Gloria as Fuchsiarose suggests.
The problem is you'll never really feel the same about this man if you agree to his scheme and then take him back. You'll forever be waiting for the day when he decides to have another little break for whatever given reason.
Do not allow yourself to be a ''reserve'' option in his life.
Heaven knows what his ex wife and mother of his kids makes of him just wandering back into the matrimonial home - but that's her problem not yours!
Treat yourself properly and with respect and insist that he does too. You are definitely better than this shoddy treatment.

I agree with those who say he wants out. And there could well be a 'someone' else. Not a great situation to be in but it sounds as thought the relationship has run its course. Best wishes for the future.

Sorry you are going through this, it is a horrible situation to be in. My daughter is in the same boat with her husband and she finds the need for him to leave coupled with the continued bouts of affection to be terribly confusing. I would certainly help him out of the door with an understanding that he can come back if that is what he wants. However, make it clear that this is a one time chance and that you won't be doing this every time he wants to throw his toys out of the pram.

He will do anything to avoid a disagreement and despite it being a pretty cruel way to go about it, it's self preservation for him.

I think Justwokeup and Seefah have a point. He's sussing out my feelings will do anything to avoid confrontation

I feel for you mambyPamby he’s saying he doesn’t know what he wants, after two and a half years, well I’d say you might not know what you want Sonny Jim but I do, off you go, see you don’t want to be you! Let him go you are worth so much more, he’s playing mind games, hugging you , immature behaviour

If you’re going to spend the next four weeks wondering if he’ll come back that’s a nasty situation for you.
Perhaps agreeing with his suggestion, but asking him to take anything he will need (or all his stuff if you really want him to go) and leave his keys with you will help him make a definite decision. If he seems reluctant to hand them over you can always change the locks.
I wonder if he’d just keep popping in over the trial period which won’t help.
Whatever happens, you’ll probably always be on edge that he might start up again.
Hope you get it sorted.

Well done OP. From now on I am sure you will be watching him very carefully. If you have any doubts about his commitment to you it is better to move on and find someone better.

Yes as bluebell says, go with your gut feeling, it's usually right. Lockdown has exposed the relationships that are fragile. Hanging in there won't solve anything, it just delays the inevitable. Sorry you're going through this

I think it is impossible for anyone here to comment on your relationship. He’s expressed a view which doesn’t seem rational but then our feelings often aren’t. If you feel you can’t live with his uncertainty, you will need to ask him to go...and give you both some breathing space. But above all, I think you both need to talk together, at length about how you both feel. If you can’t do that, then maybe the relationship is coming to an end.

Show him the door! Telling a person that a relationship is over and that you're moving on is really tough but honest. Hedging your bets by saying that you might be moving on and then again you might not is just hurtful and selfish. Never mind if this is followed by kisses and cuddles. It's just unkind. There are two equals in this relationship. Show him the door and open your life to someone who will treat you with kindness and respect.

Hi Mambypamby , I had a similar experience with my ex husband and I just told him to go and thank goodness I did
as I wouldn’t have met my husband and soulmate and now we’ve been married 16 years . If he truly loved you he wouldn’t want to be away from you. Tell him to leave and move on , tell yourself you don’t need this in your life and you’re worth more . Good luck

I would just tell him no trial but permanent and show him the door. You will feel like a load has been lifted from your shoulders. You will then have a new life to look forward to.

The moment any partner expressed doubt in our relationship, the relationship would be dead to me. When my ex husband said he wanted to separate, there was no going back for me whatever his reason, and he was shocked I didn't 'fight' for him to stay. I don't agree with all this counselling business; once the seed of doubt has been sown it's over, as far as I'm concerned.

Why wait until he 'next suggests it'? You take the initiative and that will be a start of a boost for your morale. First job....change the locks. Good luck and....happy future.

Just maybe....he never did actually want to separate. I wonder if he only said that to hear how much you love him and want him to stay. Or is that too cunning for a man ?

I sense that there's more going on with this bloke than he has admitted to the OP. Why can't he see his AC where he is, why does it have to be the matrimonial home?
My advice..........show him the door, tell him his times up, no trial separation as that gives him carte blanch to "dip it" where he wants to, make a clean break and get on with your life.....you are so much better than him! Tell him to bugger off!

RTFT PLEASE!
HE*DOESN'T**WANT**TO*SEPARATE**NOW*!

I agree with FarNorth. Tell him you've been thinking about it and he's quite right, it's going nowhere, so let's get on with it. Off you go. Bye.