Why does partner want trial separation

Thanks again Sashabel.

Delila - yes, it's a doddle. The only thing that I would add is if you are thinking of changing your locks, look at getting "anti-snap" locks instead of the standard cylinder replacements. If you look at the videos on sites such as www.abs-secure.co.uk or www.ultion.co.uk you will see what I mean. It's frightening how easy it is to gain access via a simple cylinder lock! All my locks are now ABS Snap Secure locks now

Very useful information about changing a lock yourself - thankyou for that Sashabel. I just watched a video which shows that it really is very simple.

Thank you Sashabel I do feel his behaviour is manipulative and that is the nub of it. I am not going to let it drag on and am taking some time and head space to decide if knowing this about him is what I want for the future.

Every time I said anything to my ex partner that he interpreted as confrontational (and these were truly dreadful things such as "can you please move your hot mug over to a coaster so it doesn't burn the table") he would say that he would move out if that's what I wanted. It was manipulative behaviour in the extreme and very childish. Eventually I took him up on his suggestion and agreed that maybe it would be best if he did move out. He was shocked to the core and immediately turned into "Mr perfect, loving, caring man", but it was all too late and I stood my ground. It took a further 2 weeks for him to go as he was relying on me changing my mind, but once he was finally out of my life I felt a huge weight off my shoulders and have never regretted my decision.
By the way, you don't need a lock smith to change locks on modern doors and charge you a fortune. Just search "how to change a lock on a UPVC door" and follow the simple instructions. I bought new locks just before he left, so was able to change them as soon as he left which made me feel so much more secure.

I think you should let him go. I feel that he secretly has someone else, and is using this "trial separation" as an excuse. Get rid of him and move on. He is not worth agonising over.

My first husband said that to me ..,. Then went off for a trial separation and buzzed off with another woman...!!!!!!!

after 30 years of marriage my ex husband said more or less the same , he said there is no one else etc, found himself a flat and moved out and said give him six months but he kept coming round etc then i got a phone call from a man who said my husband was having an affair with his wife they had 2 young children, i was devastated confronted him and his reply yes its true been going on for a while and he hadnt told me as he hadnt wanted to hurt me,so i divorced him started a new life and now am happy with a new partner so be warned this sounds like he wants out and is also scared to tell you just ask him directly the real reason he wants out

Happy me thank you for offering another perspective. Deep down I want to believe he just doesn't know how to manage his emotions rather than he's just being cruel. But cruel is how it's coming across. I wonder whether this is his way of avoidance every time I indicate my unhappiness with his actions. I have got the upper hand. My house, he would have to go and live with his father - his ex apparently said to him that it wouldn't be long before it all ended in tears with me once I'd seen his true colours! I wonder if it is his pride that offered the temp separation as I was quite upset with him prior to it and basically unleashed in a text while he was at work

He’s hedging his bets......tell him to go.

Take an honest look at the situation. Wanting out to see if he feels happier is totally ignoring you or you needs. Take him out of the equation. What do you want? What do you need? What do you deserve in your life? When you put yourself into the position of authority over your life, then you are in a much stronger place to go forward. All the best.

I have read the whole thread and I still think OP should take control of the situation If someone doesn't know if they want to be with you then you should get rid

Please don't wait until he "next suggests it". There is no current status quo. Tell him to go NOW

Does nobody else feel any sympathy for this man who is experiencing the first anniversary of his mothers death and the loss of his pet in recent days along with the life style changes we are all experiencing at present. Personally i would cut him some slack and offer your support, get him to talk more about his feelings and see how things go over the next few weeks. If you care about him what have you got to lose, just make it clear a trial separation is not an option for you.

Loads off great advise already given. The only thing I will add is this, if he’s doing this to you now who’s to say a few months down the line he’ll be saying it again. Sounds to me the relationship is on thin ground and has cracks in it. I wouldn’t keep letting him pull the strings ie if, or when he’s going, I’d take control and say you’ve made me feel resentful and uncomfortable so I think it’s best you go now. You will get more respect if you stop letting him treat you like this.

So sorry you’re having to go through this. Having been in similar in the past, and I stupidly kept taking similar man back, I now wish I had stood firm and said, no! No second, third chances. No iffy half-hearted relationship. Being on your own is hard but much more empowering and filled with new opportunities than settling for someone who is using you and doesn’t genuinely care for you. Only themselves!

So he has changed his mind how wonderful. Mambypamby do you want to be in a relationship that means you are walking on eggshells just in case he changes his mind again? What happens if you upset him again with your aloofness or God forbid if you confront him about something you don't like and he cannot deal with confrontation. I'm sorry but if his ex wife did leave him for someone else maybe he is willing to see if she wants him back now? Why else would he want to spend time in the matrimonial house? His decision to now stay says nothing about his love for you. If he wanted you to declare your undying love for him he has a strange way of going about it. Maybe all he wants is for you to do the "pick me dance". Is this relationship acceptable to you?

Let him go. Perhaps that will be the wakeup he needs but prepare for him to be gone. Life is too short to waste anymore time on someone who isn't sure what they want.

Agaa4

Bingo!

Trial separation can be because he wants to spend time with someone else but not sure how it will pan out and if it doesn't he can come back.
I have seen this happen before and it can turn into a yoyo situation. He is dithering and you need to take charge and decide what is best for you.

HE doesn't want to leave now.

A lot of the comments still apply, even though he's saying nothing now.

How do YOU feel about it all, Mambypamby?

Annehinkley yes, his mother died exactly a year ago and they were very close, shared the same birthday she doted on him. His family dog died yesterday and that was imminent on Monday. I wasn't a rebound he'd had other short term relationships before me. He was beyond excited to have met me at the beginning.

Fannycornforth thank you for redirecting to my updates! I do appreciate all the comments but would also be grateful for suggestions based on current status quo.

You have my sympathy.
They were the exact words I heard from My now ex husband way back in the later part of 1986.
I don't know what I want he said. I might come crawling back to you one day he said.
He left our house to live with his friend but I found out later that while he was living with his friend, he was also seeing another girl who he worked with I had been with him since I was 16 years old. He left when I was 33. It ended in divorce.
I'm not saying your partner has anyone else but don't let him prolong the agony. Show him the door.

A friend of mine had a bit of a similar situation and now she is SO happy,loving her home,her own space,doing as she wants etc.She is literally skipping about the place and has signed on for courses on line and doing exactly as she pleases.She didn’t
realize she was being oppressed.Best of luck look after yourself.