Disappointed with son

pepper12, please can I have your mother? I'd love to have a mother like this rather than one who still wants to control my life when she can't even control her own! She also expects me to tell my children that she should be put first.
I wish more people could be like you, pepper12, it would probably mean less estranged children.
I have to say, Lucca, I have the same experience with my sons as you. My daughter certainly doesn't fit the pattern of the rhyme!

If you don’t take it seriously, then why bring it up as an explanation?!

With all my children ?

I don’t think it’s meant to be taken seriously. I never have. If there are men who behave like this, I wouldn’t think they’ve been influenced by this ditty! I have a good relationship with all ,y children though, so who am I to say?

Summerlove

I hope that way of thinking dies away with the older generation and men are held accountable like human beings they are

DiscoDancer1975

I think it’s true for many people though Lucca, You only have to read the threads on here. Sorry to have irritated you?

It’s just such a terrible expression. It lets men off the hook, and firmly blames women for mens failings.

I think it’s true for many people though Lucca, You only have to read the threads on here. Sorry to have irritated you?

Oh dear I seem to be very intolerant today but “ a daughter’s a daughter all her life, a son’s a son til he gets a wife” irritates the whatnot out of me. It is absolutely not true with my sons.

This is such a ‘boy’ thing. Hence the verse: “ a daughter’s a daughter all her life, a son’s a son til he gets a wife”. We have to laugh. Our son’s job title is ‘Head of Marketing and Communications’. We can NEVER get hold of him!!?. We enjoyed them all as children. Now whatever we have is a blessing.

My son doesn't get me anything on my birthday either. My birthday was just two weeks ago. He sent me a text, wishing me a happy birthday. He did not call, just sent a text...I received a birthday card in the mail a week after my birthday. He never used to be casual about our relationship. He and I were once very close. Since he married 5 years ago, he's a different person. I am clearly not a priority.
I am thankful he remembered my birthday & even though it was late, I appreciated his card. I do wish things were different but they're not. I think when we expect certain behaviors from others and they don't follow through that's when it doesn't feel so good. It helps to try & focus on the good things we shared and forget the rest.

Great plan Pepper.

Good luck

Brilliant.....sounds good Pepper. I’m sure you’ll reap the benefits. Yes, how I wish we’d had someone like your mum in our family. You’re very blessed. Take care?

what a wise mother you have, OP. cherish her.
all the best.

Pepper12 - good decision. Good luck.

Pepper12 it sounds as if you have made your decision, and it sounds grand to me. I must say I agree with jenpax and others, that it is certainly not a ‘privilege’ to provide childcare, rather it is a privilege you provide for the parents, saving them a lot of money and allowing them much more flexibility than they would have with a nursery or childminder. I think that’s why I too would really appreciate some sort of recognition and acknowledgement from them, and a birthday is, to me, the perfect opportunity for just a minor fuss!

Thank you for your replies
I have decided not to confront my son as I know he loves me in his own way. I have thanked my daughter in law for the thoughtful gift and expressed my delight at how much my grandchild enjoyed giving it. Her delight was the best part of my day. On reflection I have decided to count my blessings that I have a good relationship with my son and daughter in law plus we have a beautiful relationship with my grandchild and hope to have the same with the new baby. Financially as a partnership we have decided that my husband after his long illness is going to return to work in January after my daughter in law goes on maternity leave. I know he will miss my granddaughter dreadfully but this relationship would have changed any way as she is starting to attend pre school five mornings a week. By the time my daughter in law goes back to work my husband hopefully would be employed so we will be saying very limited childcare at the most. This will ease our financial situation meaning I can cut down from full time work and make sure the disappointment/resentment I feel is lessened especially when I see then treat their friends to expensive gifts. I cant change the way they operate but we can change ours and find a path where we can be the loving parents and grandparents we want to be. I love my son and daughter in a law greatly and would not wish to hurt them at all but have realised that I cant put my expectations on them and take and make the best of what they give and enjoy. It is up to me to make the boundaries of what I want to do and stick to them. It will keep a much healthier balance. I will help them but not to the extent we have been doing I am loosing the apron strings as my mother told me yesterday and letting them fly independently. they will have to find their own path knowing you are in the background but not there supporting financially in a non monetary way with child care . You can be there to support and emergencies,It is a the true reality of married life. They were wise words. She said let them find their own way now you are not going to be around for ever says she who is a fit as a fiddle. She also told to do my own thing and enjoy myself without worrying about others. So I am taking her advise. Thank you for all your replies they have helped separate the emotion from the resentment and reality plus put in perspective that I am lucky but need to think about myself and husband more and enjoy life together doing the things we want more instead of always putting others first.
Thank you for your support

'sodapop' Thank you, I will treat myself the next time my birthday comes around. Christmas too!

I made up my mind a very long time ago that I would not expect anything from anyone, not out of bitterness, but because I saw how it hurt MY mother, when people did not do what she expected them to do.
Look after your grandchildren because YOU want to, because it is good for you and it is good for the children, then it is irrelevant whether the parents recognise that you are doing them a very big favour, which you are.
My hubby always remembers our wedding anniversary, I ALWAYS FORGET, even though we have been happily married for 40 years. People are different.

My son is hopeless about cards for birthdays and Mother’s Day, always has been, but he has a habit of randomly buying me something but thoughtful and this year fir Mother’s Day in lockdown sent me card with such a lovely message plus a thoughtful funny gift,
My point is some people aren’t built to churn out regulation cards And gifts but that doesn’t mean they don’t love you !

I am amazed at what is important to some. I am forever grateful for my son and his family, whatever they do or don't remember. I have friends who were unable to have children, and some whose children moved too far away for much contact.
We are none of us getting any younger, life is too short to dwell on negative stuff. Make the most of every shared time. We would all be happier if we did not expect so much.

My daughter always remembers birthdays, Xmas presents and so forth, but I never receive any gifts , presents or money for childminding. But really, I dont expect any.

fluttERBY123

The advantage for men on marriage is that they never have to buy another birthday card, except for wife of course. They bow out of the whole thing, which is what seems to have happened here. A birthday cake with dil and grandchild - marvellous!

This is, thankfully, changing.
Most of today’s young women are refusing to be responsible for all of the emotional labour in a family and teaching their sons that they aren’t let off the hook!

Hawera1

I.have a son like that and it hurts. I always shed tears around my birthday.

Have you told your son how he makes you feel?

I am puzzled by this theme of feeling taken for granted. It is not something that I can say I have ever thought about or experienced. If you are open with your AC about what you are able and happy to do, then the situation cannot arise.

If you offer to care for GC, then it should be a gift feely given, not an action taken in expectation of reward.

And I do feel that the OP was given a very charming well-thought-out and personal gift from her son and his family and am not able to see where the problem might be.

In order for offense to be take, then offense has to be given and I can see none here.

I am a tad confused, you received a card some chocolates cupcakes and a phone call and this is not enough? Do you really expect a separate gift from you son on top of all that?