Doing my head in...

Many families have problems at Xmas, so this situation has shone a torch on existing tense relationships and created many more. The season of goodwill can be hard to find under normal circumstances.
Firstly, does this poor old dear want to go to a restaurant or would she prefer a cosy meal at home. Why isn't this on offer?
Seems a bit odd to me given how risky taking her out would be.
I think you need to stop beating yourself up, be assertive, and just say you aren't going. Why are you fretting over causing offence?
Pull up your big girl pants and say what you have decided?

Maybe they think she got to that age .what's to lose.I think they very selfish

There is a lot of bullying the elderly going on. Many elderly have memories of stories of another pandemic when no one mixed or it meant death. Most prefer to stay at home this Christmas with phone calls as a covid death is terrfying.

Why on earth would anyone in their right mind take a 92 year old out into a public place for a meal during a pandemic? The windows have to be open by official guidance, it would be much too cold for someone so elderly.

The restaurant is more concerned about making as much money as possible and a couple of my friends have been caught out after careful booking and promises, another table has been filled next to them after they have given their order. That is dangerous.

Many waitresses are in hospital with covid which shows that restaurants were being given false names and addresses and were not checking that customers were not positive or carriers. Carriers do not show any symptoms.

The idea that Mr Johnson decided, against scientific and medical advice to encourage people to mix says a good deal about what a poor leader he's turned out to be.
Of course most of us long to be with our families and friends. it's been a long haul since February. Everyone I know is feeling the strain to varying degrees, but doing our best to stay positive, enjoy walks and minimise risks.
For me, that means I haven't hugged a grandchild or daughter in months.
I love Christmas, the nativity story, the over indulgence, the cooking, baking and present giving. This year will be a different type of Christmas. I hope to see family and friends in small groups, outside for walks together. I don't envisage having them in my house sadly but I do hope we can celebrate in a big way next year

Ok, so you are the bitch from hell. They are jealous of you, and they want to create a new hell unto themselves. Stick to your decision If the h wants to go, he can go alone, to what might well the her Last Supper equivalent.

I suggest you tell your in-laws that you have made other arrangements for Christmas as the rules do not permit you to be with them.

You are sorry about this, but in the present circumstances it is unavoidable.

Then stick to your guns.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Life expectancy in uk = 81, every day after that is borrowed time. Average age of people dying with Covid-19 = 82. When you are frail, any small infection can take you out and even a cold can give rise to a fatal pneumonia. Most old people know that. Most old people would rather see their families than live in isolation. Most old people look at the young panicking about a virus that kills (at most) 2/1000 (World Health Organisation statistic) and shake their heads in disbelief! Ask the lady in question, and calculate your own risk aversion. By the way, I wouldn't go anywhere near a car or a road today - much too dangerous!

Just say you would feel dreadful and wouldn’t be able to forgive yourselves if you passed the virus to the 92 year old and she died.

So sorry n totally understand how you feel. Your relative is of a good age your priority is to look after you n your DH. Don’t be bullied into doing something that doesn’t sit well with you especially as you have adhered to the rules to stop the spread of this dreadful virus. I’m surprised they are even considering putting an elderly vulnerable person at risk. Stand firm send your apologies n maybe some flowers.

The sensible thing is not to go. I think the in laws should have mum at their house for dinner and not go to a restaurant. She will be a lot safer their as going by her age she is very high risk.

Does the 92 year old think? I think that it is wrong to take her out to a restaurant especially if she has been taking care.
I am 97 and am used to being alone. Will just be pleased to join the family on Zoom.
I think the virus is being spread by people going to pubs and restaurants as well as supermarkets.

We have a similar situation as my 92 year old. MiL is using every trick in the book to try and spend Christmas with our DD and family. She has been having frequent visitors in her house such as the hairdresser and neighbours that we know of and the family she wants to visit are in three different schools so clearly they are a risk to each other. DH and I have followed the guidelines to the letter and already decided that we will not be spending Christmas with the family this year whether guidelines are relaxed or not but I don't like my DD being coerced in to doing something she is not happy with but really don't know what advice I can give her.

Just refuse to go. If they get nasty report them for breaking the law.

This is just why we are having this problem, those people who have decided they won't get the virus and sod everyone else!!

I would say that I would not wish to risk infecting such a vulnerable person so I will stay away to protect her.

We may not be able to do anything at Christmas anyway. We don’t know yet. Go with your instincts. If restrictions are lifted enough for it to be allowed....still only go if you want to. You’re not obliged to do anything in normal times. Certainly not at the moment.

Can you tell your in laws that you feel you would be a covid risk to both them and aged mother and would prefer not to risk infecting them. How does your husband feel about this, they are his family.

razzmatazz

Boris is relaxing the rules for Xmas and families can all meet.

Oh for goodness sake!
The virus doesn’t take Christmas off.
Mixing households will definitely mean a bigger and faster spread of Covid.
Covid kills.
Covid results on serious recurring health problems.
People with no symptoms can kill someone.
Mixing households at Christmas will result in yet another surge of cases.
Does my head in. So many bonkers people who clearly have no experience of this dreadful, awful illness and somehow think they and theirs will be protected.
Sorry about the rant, but still sensitive about it all.
If there weren’t so many selfish people, I may still have my beloved MIL.

We don’t know they are breaking rules at this stage of the game because there has been no advice on how Christmas numbers will be Tell the in laws you ll have to let them know when these rules or guidelines are given to us and a lot depends on where you are living if you are in tier 1 it will be very different to tier 3
It’s premature to make arrangements now in view of the situation

There is always someone in a family who tries to, or thinks they have the upper hand, what they say goes. Well they don't and it doesn't. Simply say that for the safety of everyone you don't think this is a good idea and will be happy to join in festivities when all is safe and clear. Have a Zoom call, let them send photos, phone and chat while they wait for their lunch. Send cracker for the 92 year old. There are lots of ways to show you care. The rest of the world will (mostly) be doing the same. You are not alone, we are all having to forgo some fun, just for now, for the sake of keeping everyone safe and getting through this as soon as possible. Good for you for even thinking this is a bad idea, be brave and stand up for yourself, politely and kindly

When they say you don't care. Just say, we do care, this is why we won't be attending.

Just tell them to play by the rules. It won't be much longer before the 92 year old can have a vaccine. At 92 she will be a priority. Surely they don't want to risk her to the virus with the vaccine just around the corner.

It’s very difficult to keep everyone happy and stay true to your conscience isn’t it. I’m sure you will have thought through all the possible scenarios and also considered how you would feel if your mother caught the virus and you felt responsible. Obviously not sure where you live, but meeting up for lunch in a restaurant may not be allowed anyway. We’re trying to keep our options open and planning for either Christmas on our own or with my step daughter and her family. Watch this space!

What does the lady in question think? My mother is 85 and has made it clear that she doesn't want any of us within 2 metres of her even if it's outside and we're wearing masks. She won't have any visitors in the house. She says she will be available on the phone. She hasn't totally isolated herself. She still goes for walks, important medical appointments etc. but she doesn't see the point in taking risks for what is, in effect, just another day.

Boris may say we can take time off but will the virus understand that it's supposed to take time off too. I doubt it understands the concept of a Christmas truce.