Gransnet forums


Doing my head in...

(91 Posts)
Silverlady79 Thu 19-Nov-20 15:30:50

Christmas. Sorry about that folks. My in laws have insisted that their 92 year old mother MUST HAVE a Xmas lunch together with them or she’ll fall apart.

Hubby and I have rigidly followed the rulings and just don’t want to do this but we are being bullied and made to feel we don’t care. Now a booking has been made. Even though we are in different tiers, the restaurant didn’t ask....

No regard paid to MIL, or her safety. Or ours. I just want to tell them to pay attention to the rules ...they haven’t, as they believe they are above the virus..and let’s get together at Easter. I don’t think I will go and risk myself, and will be labelled the bitch from hell ...

AGAA4 Thu 19-Nov-20 15:46:25

Whoever is in the bubble with their 92 year old mother can see her safely. If you and your husband aren't in her bubble then I don't think it would be safe whatever is allowed at Christmas.
Mixing like this can spread the virus.

MissAdventure Thu 19-Nov-20 15:46:46

Easiest not to go, I would think.
No need for drama.

welbeck Thu 19-Nov-20 16:18:07

they might not all be able to celebrate Easter, if they insist on acting recklessly at Christmas.

NotSpaghetti Thu 19-Nov-20 17:40:00

Why do you need to be a "witness" to the lunch? The 92 year old surely will have one with your in-laws... they must be her bubble therefore you don't need to go.

Please don't get cross it's probably easy to cancel. You can always offer Easter if it's safe by then

Callistemon Thu 19-Nov-20 17:59:38

I see nothing wrong with this is she and they are in a bubble.

You needn't go to the lunch.

Callistemon Thu 19-Nov-20 18:00:20

It's more important that they see a lonely 92 year old woman than that they see you, if you are young.

MrsThreadgoode Thu 19-Nov-20 18:02:46

Just say No.

It looks as though the rules might change and allow more people to meet at Christmas, but you still don’t have to go.

Onthenaughtystep1 Thu 19-Nov-20 18:04:09

Being in a bubble doesn’t make you safe from coronavirus. How did this impression become mainstream?

MamaCaz Thu 19-Nov-20 18:11:20

Can I ask where you are, as the mention of tiers presumably means it isn't England?

Regardless, I would say that even if it's legal, if you aren't happy with it, don't do it, though I do realize that's not as easy as it sounds when you have be even brought up to respect other people's wishes!

EllanVannin Thu 19-Nov-20 18:12:06

The way things are going nobody will be seeing each other next Christmas either----literally !

Witzend Thu 19-Nov-20 18:14:33

Are they going to sulk if you don’t go?
In the circs you are entitled to decline IMO, and comfort yourself with the thought that Christmas dinner in a restaurant is nearly always ludicrously expensive, and very rarely worth anything like the price.

V3ra Thu 19-Nov-20 19:52:15

Silverlady79 it's too soon to know what the "rules" will be by then anyway, but in general the fewer people who mix the better.
That being so, it isn't unreasonable for your in-laws to see their mother, but to minimise the risk to all of you it would be best for everyone if the two of you don't go.
With regret, obviously, and much as I'm sure you'd like to... 😉😉😉

My brother's been making detailed Christmas plans with my Dad involving travel, overnight stay, travel, two weeks plus away, travel back again, etc.... I tried to say it's all against the rules at the moment and not necessarily a good idea anyway, but it fell on deaf ears.

You just need to do what's right for you, as if you're not comfortable with going you won't enjoy the day anyway.

Bluekitchen192 Fri 20-Nov-20 09:48:18

Another in law problem perhaps? Would you leave your own elderly mother to dine alone on Christmas day?

grannygranby Fri 20-Nov-20 09:49:06

Would you prefer the 92 year old to be left out? Surely not. For her safety under present conditions explain your warm concern that you would prefer not to mix at Christmas and look forward to meeting all again after the pandemic. No need for anger or drama.

Nannapat1 Fri 20-Nov-20 09:49:21

Surely the 92 year old should have some say in what she does and if she lives alone can't she be in a support bubble. At 92 it may be her last Christmas, with or without the virus.

Cp43 Fri 20-Nov-20 09:50:07

Let them get on with it and just don’t agree or go to the lunch. They can take her to their house for lunch. You can do your own thing.

Caro57 Fri 20-Nov-20 09:55:31

Be the ‘bitch from hell’ - at least you won’t have someone catching Covid on your conscience or putting yourself at unnecessary risk

Sashabel Fri 20-Nov-20 09:58:11

Sounds like they are bullying you!! At the moment, the rules clearly state that you cannot mix with anyone outside a designated bubble. Their 92 year old mother is probably in their bubble and, therefore, cannot be in yours. Stand up to them and stay away

Nannan2 Fri 20-Nov-20 10:00:59

What does your hubby think?If you BOTH don't want to go then say no.If your in-laws are bubbled with their mother then,unsafe as it still sounds to me to traipse the old lady to a lunch out somewhere, leave them to it. Would it not be safer for them to go to her home for lunch? Or take her to theirs? Particularly if they're all in their own bubble? But considering her age, and i presume theirs, then id have thought it unsafe to go eat out.Wasn't it thought that Rishy's "eat out to helpout" campaign was part of what helped to spread the virus?🤔Just say you don't want to take that risk and you wish they wouldn't either. May not be able to in end anyway.

Theoddbird Fri 20-Nov-20 10:01:53

Just say no. We have to keep safe. Going out to a restaurant filled with people is not a safe place to be. It is so wrong to take a 92 year old to one. What on earth are they thinking of. They are so damn stupid.

Marjgran Fri 20-Nov-20 10:03:32

Surely no one thinks this is straightforward! If I were the 92 year old I would want a say. The lack of acknowledgement by relatives and restaurant is interesting though!

brazenp75 Fri 20-Nov-20 10:03:40

Can't see a problem - just say no.

Silverhippy Fri 20-Nov-20 10:04:51

These people who insist on breaking the rules as if they are somehow immune to the virus really annoy me. I have been shielding since before the first lockdown and stick strictly to the rules. If people did NOT ignore the rules we would be in a far better situation than we are now. It also seems very callous and selfish to inflict company upon a 92 year old person who, by virtue of their age alone, is not at all likely to survive a Covid 19 infection.

Being a complete cynic my personal opinion is that she has money and they are beneficiaries of her will, as that is the only reason I can think for them to want to do something so utterly reprehensible.

Coconut Fri 20-Nov-20 10:06:48

So many people seem to have that mentality that the rules don’t apply to them, my 90 year old mum being me of them ! I’ve had to be very assertive with her and her demands, and I’ve told her that I will make my own decisions about what I feel is and isn't safe. I wont let her dictate where I go, so you must do the same regardless of the comments.