Doing my head in...

Not sure why some of the comments are so hostile. You seem very angry !Just say firmly why you won’t be joining them and offer a zoom call after the lunch or FaceTime call / perhaps call the restaurant and pay for some champagne or other Christmasy drink to be served when they arrive - with your compliments and good cheer - warm kind words go a very long way , rather than angry comments ...

Well let them see their mother who is going to fall apart. If you won't similarly fall apart from spending xmas alone, then simply don't go with them. See them two weeks later when you can be sure they're not infected.

Go for it in-laws she’s 94 how many more Christmas’s has she got , l explore what you’re doing, to many people missing out through the controlling government , hope you have a lovely Christmas x

What’s this 99.85 chance of surviving? I don’t think it applies to people of 92 or 89

She’s 92 for God’s sake! This might be her last Christmas. Don’t begrudge her some time with her family. If you don’t want to go that’s up to you but I’m seeing my 89 year old parents. There’sa 99.85 chance of surviving!!

This is absolutely the right time to decline invitations. Don't ever be bullied into doing anything that you're not happy with.

So many people just aren't taking the risks seriously enough. They may live to regret it - or maybe not live.

I wouldn't approve of taking any elderly person to any Restaurant for Christmas lunch - not this year. But it's not my elderly relative, so I wouldn't even bother to comment.

If my dear Mum was alive this Christmas, given the lonely and confusing time she would have been enduring for so many months, and I knew that she was longing to have a Christmas meal with me, she'd be in my bubble and we'd have a lovely day at our house. But I would only be making a decision for my Mum, not anyone else, so I would take the responsibility for that choice.

But for anyone else...and for you......you should do exactly what you want to do and not worry about having to justify the why's and wherefore's. Not your in laws' place to "insist" on your doing anything. People extend invitations, they ask, they enquire, they propose if someone might like to come to eat or for a drink, and normally would expect one of two obvious responses. What they should not do (and to avoid disappointment (!!!) is make demands, give instructions or orders, make assumptions, or make arrangements for other adults - whoever they may be. That's not hospitality or anything to do with the spirit of Christmas - that's just overbearing people determined to get their own way. Now's your chance, as an earlier poster says, to put on those big girl pants, tell them you are doing YOUR own Christmas and thank you very much for thinking of you, but no thanks. And stick to it. Make sure that your OH is 100% in agreement. Have I had experience of this kind of behaviour? I have and I can assure you it will go on for however long you allow it. This year you have the perfect excuse for ignoring their demands because you need to behave responsibly. You aren't telling them what to do, they should certainly not be trying to do that to you.

Don't be an unhappy sheep. Make a stand! You'll feel so good when you see how easy it was.

I do not understand why your relatives would take the 92 year old mother to a restaurant (if they are even open). Why can’t they have Christmas dinner at home? And if you self isolated for, say 10 days, then maybe it would be pretty safe to all meet up. But NOT in a restaurant.

as i heard sheila fogarty on lbc yesterday, the virus doesn't know it's meant to take annual leave over xmas.

I took the OP to mean that the in-laws were BiL or SisteriL. Frankly I'm at a loss to see why Silverlady79 is so annoyed about this. We don't know what the 'rules'-that-can't-be-broken will be by Christmas, going by previous form they may have changed a few times by then. Obviously you and DH can't be in a bubble with the in-laws, as bubbles are only for one person or a carer, so, by current rules, you can't see them indoors anyway. In that case why are you incensed that they have invited their 92-year old Mum out to lunch with them? Maybe she is their bubble. Maybe they have booked a table optimistically hoping the rules will be relaxed. Maybe she will decide not to go. But do remember she has lived through a war, and obviously avoided many fairly common fatal illnesses, is she expected to spend her short time left in isolation? Have a bit of compassion. You can only look after yourselves, don't try to look after everyone else too. If you have been invited, you don't have to go. If your DH feels obligated, then you need to reach a solution with him. No drama needed, but your final sentence suggests you have history with your in-laws and may be looking for problems.

queenofsaanich69
That could be rather an expensive headache as the cost of restaurant meals on Christmas Day will be at a premium.

To be fair, the whole family sounds delightful.
Not.

My Dad used to say “If in doubt don’t “ he was a very wise man,or you could have a headache on the day.

I bet that made her day.

Out not it

I explained to my mother in law last night she might only have a while left

How kind of you to point that it Buster
What a kind DIL you are.

Just tell them you would rather leave the larger gathering for just this one year and hopefully if the vaccine is a success you can all get together at Easter, her 93rd birthday, etc

Leaving aside 'the rules' for a moment (as we don't know what they are yet)....

If you have been isolating, your In-laws and their Mother are isolating - what are you scared of?

You can't catch CV from someone who hasn't got it!

I would be saying "actually, we DO care!" That's why we are keeping away and not joining you for Christmas Lunch!

Silver Lady, that was so funny the way you said it. I can appreciate your sense of humour as I am nearly as old , and I suspect sweet people think I might fall apart if I don't do Xmas.

I would speak to your MIL and just explain that you are concerned about her wellbeing and yours and that, because of the Government advice, you will not be doing a joint Christmas meal this year but hope to meet up at Easter instead. Don't be bullied into doing something you think is going to be detrimental to your health and possibly that of your MIL too.

GoldenAge I sometimes wonder if Gransnet (the clue is in the name) has been taken over by young people who all have elderly relatives that they find a problem.

Silverlady79 - This lady is 92 - where's the compassion and sensibility in this thread? If suitable precautions are taken there's absolutely no reason for her to be excluded, and every reason for you to stay away if you're not comfortable. If I'm working things out correctly, this lady is your husband's grandmother - meaning you're relatively young and probably can't imagine yourself at that age, with the prospect of spending Christmas alone. It doesn't HAVE to be like that. I'm really disliking the conversation that goes "we all have to put up with it ......" - I've never heard that said by someone who lives alone - maybe you and your husband, and your in-laws could consider self-isolating completely for two weeks (to get some idea of her life) to give this old lady a bit of company on one day a year in the knowledge that you won't be placing her at risk.

I'm having the same problem with my in laws . We usually have them on boxing , but mother in law is insisting on going to her daughter's on Christmas day . This wouldn't be a problem usually but with covid and my sister in law having 16 people there . My in laws are high risk but neither party seems concerned . When approaching my in laws there answer is , we haven't long left and want to enjoy . When my husband brought it up with his sister , he was shouted down and was told it's bloody stupid . To be honest I don't want them at mine after mixing with all them people . My husband has diabetes but we are being made out to be the bad people . I explained to my mother in law last night she might only have a while left but we would like to see several more . She decided not to reply to my message . Why are people continuing to be selfish and then have the cheek to try and make people feel guilty for having common sense .

Having had a very domineering MiL for 40 years, I totally get where Silverlady79 is coming from. To all those posters who tell you to just say ‘no’ obviously haven’t been in your position.
Make your husband tell her that it is a bad idea to take the 92 year old into a restaurant and should just cook at home for her but that you will be doing the same for your family. Don’t let her blame you for spoiling her Christmas as my MiL did many times with me. She died in September aged 100 and never said a civil word to me.