Hello everyone! Hope you are all well. Need a little advice on something that is bothering me lately.
Although I was bullied somewhat at school it was something I was able to leave at the door once I moved on. Being bullied as an adult has had such a profound effect on me that I sometimes wake up feeling like my life has been ruined and my day gets filled up with anger and resentment. I am so full of loathing towards this person that I sometimes don't recognise myself..I then feel guilty for feeling such hate and resentment. In every other are of my life I am fairly laid back and easy to get on with, work with, live with.
This person haunts me every day. The moment I wake up I have to deal with memories of things that have been said and done to me. Without going into details, this person is the most mean spirited, manipulative and selfish person I have ever met who have literally turned a normal, healthy young woman into a quivering wreck, scared of my own shadow, scared of the knock at the door, scared of the phone ringing.
I have withdrawn as much as possible from this person, and the coronavirus has been a gift for me so I do not have to interact with them. However, the feelings of hatred and anger are still there and I see I am hurting myself. Then I feel guilty for feelling like this, I also feel angry at myself for allowing myself to be treated so horribly, and resentful that people around didn't protect me.
I'm emotionally exhausted from it all and want to just move on. In other situations I find forgiveness easy and have not ruminated to such an extent. This person has gotten so much under my skin that I feel I will never get rid of them even at the point of death.
I am in need of counselling but money is tight right now so I wondered if you could give me some advice on how to let go of the bitterness a have a healthier life.
Thank you in advance x
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