Lockdown and relationships

We have been married 50 years and I have been finding lockdown hard. Hubby is upstairs reading Sunday papers which will take him all day to read and I will be downstairs doing my thing. Walking together most days has helped us. Missing our Sunday lunches and swims 3 times a week. Hurry up vaccines.

Oh you are not alone. My OH is a bit of a pessimist - normally I can 'leaven the mixture' with other company. I have had to learn to be less influenced by his mood. Not always easy but I guess my eternal optimism may grate on him! Soon be easier.

Yes I do see people differently - think DH and I have rubbed along better than we did, wouldn't say it was blissful though

God bless eternal optimists. Have always valued your species but never were you all needed more than now. Hallelujah!

I’m on my own without any serious health issues I’m fairly fit and active. To be honest I loved the first lockdown it was lovely to not have to make excuses why I couldn’t meet or visit people. I had time for me and was able to have some self care time.

Wanted to strangle him a number of times. Doesn't matter what I am doing he always seems to manage to interrupt me with something he wants or is doing himself! Seems worse with all the lockdown, travel restrictions. But 54 years on think I would be tolerant of his habits, perhaps lockdown has made me less tolerant than. YorkLady I am interested in your DH having shielded due to cancer treatment. My DH has cancer, has been having drug treatment for about a year now on end stage cancer drugs never been mentioned to us he should have been shielding. We are careful, he rarely goes into a shop but he does go out and speaks (socially distanced) to people. He isn't even in a high category for vaccination, when that's eventually rolled out.

You are NOT alone. I am used to DH being out at work all day but now he is home 24/7 he is driving me mad. If I hear ' any chance of a coffee?' again I may well pour it over him. He KNOWS how the machine works. Does he go thirsty when I go out?
I remember my Mum saying ' I married him for life but not for lunch!' I now know the feeling!

I typed out a big long comment and I couldn't bring myself to post it.

Thank you for the replies though it is helping to know I'm not alone.

Really sorry for everyone struggling with some relationships right now and hope things improve.

I do miss meeting up with my family yes, my husband is still working through lockdown, but marrying him was the best decision I made, if he was at home all the time we would still get along fine, as we both like to keep busy, we are a good team

DH and I were basically alone together for the first two years of our retirement, when we sailed, so lockdown hasn't affected our relationship.

That said, by now I would like to get out and see new faces and places and be able to invite visitors.

It’s like being in prison two to a cell and I have friends who feel the same. We bugger on.

I decided to divorce my OH before lockdown and lockdown cemented that decision. We didn't speak and when I finally got to move out it was such a relief. I now sleep like a log every night and am a much happier person. It's taking time to get new home sorted but it's mine and Im relaxed.

I’m ill, recovering from an op, and it’s interesting how many so-called friends have not enquired after my health. I will sound very grumpy but I’m glad I’m not catering for the family this Christmas as my children have a habit of inviting outsiders. I’m not anti- social, but this puts added pressure on me as the one who masterminds the whole shebang. It means I have to the charming hostess all the time even when I feel exhausted. One year my son turned up with the girlfriend of the moment on Christmas Eve without informing me he was bringing her. I had to scuttle round trying to find gifts for her. She quite obviously registered my surprised face as I opened the door to them, poor girl. I still feel bad about it. I saw an ornament on an expensive web site: unfortunately sold out. It was a figure of Jesus Christ holding a banner which stated: “ It’s all about me”. That says it all as far as I’m concerned.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I have been glad that I live alone during lockdown. Many years ago, before my divorce, we had a weekend by ourselves as DD went on a camp and DS went to grandparents for a few days. I realised that without the kids there we had little to say to each other and began to dread the inevitable 'empty nest'. In the end he started an affair and we split up while the kids were young teenagers. If we'd still been together it would have been a nightmare. I do wonder how he's been with his new partner. The impression I get from my adult children is that they have less in common than I did with him and they don't get why they are together.
In lockdown being on my own meant I didn't have to worry about all the hygiene things when at home. Once I came in and had given my hands a good wash I could relax - no-one else to worry about. I was lucky that there were lots of things organised via zoom and my DD video calls regularly.
Going back to work in a school in September was mixed blessings - I'd missed the interactions with colleagues but trying unsuccessfully to distance from students was stressful so it was a relief to retire in October.
Good luck to those who are struggling day to day with their partners. There's a lot to be said for life alone!

This has been one of the most challenging years of my life ! I’m 72, my SO and I bought a house together and moved in Dec 4 2019. Engaged Valentines Day 2018 we had a small wedding planned for May 1 this year but even tho it fell within guidelines we cancelled. The stress of moving from my own home that I lived in for 25 yrs post divorce, adjusting to having someone around 24/7 then being shut out from
my normal activities ie gym and swim, horse stable really almost lost my mind. My SO had an extremely busy prof life only retired a year and a half ago so he’s adjusting to that. I’ve had to create balance and carve out ways to be alone and restore daily. It is going better now so hopefully ? we are past the worst. I live in W Canada and we’ve never been locked down Judy restricted.

4allweknow I have sent you a PM.

We didn’t have a good relationship before lockdown. Just grown apart and basically living separate lives. I coped by going out a lot as he rarely goes out. Now I go for walks on my own and we spend a lot of time in separate rooms. Although we have no one else to talk to we are talking less and less to each other. I’d much rather be on my own.
If anyone in unhappy situation wants to pm me that’s fine.

I know what you mean I'm happy not to have to meet up with relatives also I've been ony own for 15 years so its not an issue as far as a partner is concerned so many varying opinions it's very interesting that's for sure & a very valid question not always easy to answer or confront let's be honest

I have been widowed for almost 8 years so am on my own & happy with my own company. However if DH was still alive I think we would have survived very well as he retired in January 2006 & I took Early Retirement in May 2006. We coped very well together.

I did miss my DD & 2 DGS in 1st lockdown until we were allowed to form a bubble

I have missed meeting friends & being able to get out & about.

I haven't seen my DM since January this year, she has been in & out of Hospital, she is almost 92 & is 300 miles away, daily phone calls since she came out of Hospital in October.

I cant imagine what it is like to be in an unhappy relationship during a lockdown - that must really bring things to the fore.

Dh and I have been fine. He does volunteer driving which gives me a bit of space, or he is doing 'stuff' in the study and we tend to go for walks separately but we always have lunch together and at 4pm (ish) we have a and try to beat each other doing the Times crossword (which we photocopy)

We have a couple of drinks while we watch the news together in the kitchen while I cook.

We have always been able to chat- having (and coming from) a big family means we are never stuck for conversation.

We have the odd spat, and we probably sound like a pair of boring old f**ts, but I love it.

Mumski - thinking of you.

And also thinking of the challenge of surviving an unhappy situation..
I really hope those of you who are unhappy are able to find a solution, peace, happiness and contentment soon.

No problems , love being together, We have built walls,, decorated, cooked, done jigsaws etc and no cross words. We have always been the same so lockdown has not changed anything. Wehave a ‘ what are we doing today’ conversation every morning. I might add wehave been together 60 years, married for 55.

To be honest, we have face incredible amounts of stress an upset in the kat few months and maybe I'm not myself either so I won't be too quick to judge right now.

I do have a lot of relief at not seeing someone though and I need to think on that carefully.

Hope everyone is hanging in there and I know some of us needed this space to let some feelings out an I'm not alone x