An embarrassing, "sh**ty problem

EllanVannin

I'd shame him and tell him there's more skid marks in his underwear than at Brands Hatch.

That absolutely creased me - I'm sat in bed (note the time) giggling like hell

Sorry OP, I know that doesn't help

He isn't constipated is he?
I haven't read the entire thread, but perhaps he has overflow caused by constipation.
You really need to have a frank discussion with him, and get to the root of the problem.

I'm never shy about discussing such things with Mr. MM.

I can’t understand that if you find him whiffy why he isn’t aware of it himself, unless he’s lost his sense of smell.

As you say it’s been going on for sometime you need to speak to him about this and get it investigated, I wouldn’t leave it, and nor should he,

How do you think he is likely to feel about it? I know you've said he can be defensive, but is he the type to be embarrassed that it's noticeable, or annoyed that you have mentioned it?

If he's likely to be embarrassed at you noticing, he would probably be mortified to think that others will be aware of it too - maybe not so much in lockdown, but when it's over and he's mixing in company again, so that could be a way in for you. You could gently point out that there is a problem, and offer to help him to get to the, er, bottom of it.

If he is likely to be annoyed, you could have a word with his GP and ask if they would bring the conversation round to it at his next check up. I'm sure they are used to having to broach embarrassing subjects with reluctant patients, and can do it tactfully.

Either way, I would be gentle with him. Some people are very embarrassed about this sort of thing, and as he can't help it there is no need to make things worse (not that I'm suggesting you would )

EllanVannin

I'd shame him and tell him there's more skid marks in his underwear than at Brands Hatch.

Ooooh, he's not always renowned for his sense of humour??

I have bought up 2 sons and have never had the skidmark issue in underwear!! disgusting! teach them right from young!

may be a health problem in the op case but needs talking about!

Mr P has a similar problem as that posted about by ExD, a very enlarged testicle. He has refused to even consult our GP!

Women have smear tests, mammograms etc, why are (some) men so bloody precious about these things!

One very, very cross phoenix.

Thank you everyone for your replies. He is such a proud man, which often makes him stubborn. I'll try and broach gently...

phoenix

If his jeans are whiffy, then as others have mentioned, surely his underpants must have "evidence" , which must be noticeable to both of you?

He wears dark cotton boxers and I just chuck them in the wash without examining. I've been sniffing every seat he sits on and the definite whiff is there.

I am wondering whether there may be a medical issue but he'd be mortified to go to a doctor. I'm trying to psyche myself up now.

As you say this has been going on for some time Nan2six then there must be evidence of the problem in his underwear. Don't really think you can pussyfoot around this, tell him you are aware he has a problem and he really needs to get it investigated, I don't see how it could be just a personal hygiene issue if its gone on for a year. It's important any changes like this are checked out.

Reminds me of when FiL was left alone by his second wife,
He started bringing his washing around to me, He wore woolly longjohns and they had multiple skidmarks.
I already had my hands full with our family so refused to do it eventually. and understood why she'd left him.

Unless he is also suffering from dementia he will be well aware, and acutely embarrassed and unsure what to do. Give him a hug, reassure him that you are aware of the problem and will support him in getting treatment for it. Then book an appointment with your GP.

Exactly that!

If this is a relatively new problem, then it sounds as though he has a sphincter problem or faecal impaction with overflow, neither of which he can do anything about. Unless he is also suffering from dementia he will be well aware, and acutely embarrassed and unsure what to do. Give him a hug, reassure him that you are aware of the problem and will support him in getting treatment for it. Then book an appointment with your GP.

I think you should just say it. He won’t like it but he may take note.

Agree with Liz46 and ginny.
But EllanVannin that made me LOL

Just say it! not in a nasty scathing way though! say there is a problem then say what the matter is and that he needs to clean up properly! otherwise there will be pages and pages of different suggestions on the way!

Those moist wipes are definitely not flushable so I wouldn’t put them down the loo. I had to have my drain unblocked because of a build up of these a couple of years ago. It was an expensive lesson learned.

ExD, have pm'd you.

I didn't notice a smell, but there was a time here when skid marks were becoming a regular thing.
I said I didn't feel any need to deal with this myself and would he please use the laundry stain remover spray before he put them in the washing basket. This he did.
I also had to point out that makeup remover wipes were not the best thing to use (!) and why didn't he just buy the right ones.
I'm not convinced they don't get flushed away either, despite me saying just bag and bin them ?

I would have no problem pointing out to my other half that his underwear was soiled and asking if he had a medical problem. (Please don’t tell us he goes commando?)
I hate making generalisations but men really are their own worst enemies.
You may need to bully him into seeing his doctor.

I wouldn’t tactfully bring it up....I’d just tell him! But we have been together for 44 years, married 38, so any ablutions are well discussed, no embarrassment ?.

EV @ 16.39

That had me howling with laughter!

If his jeans are whiffy, then as others have mentioned, surely his underpants must have "evidence" , which must be noticeable to both of you?

It may be a medical problem which means that 'the last little bit' of a motion seeps after wiping. This could be solved by taking fibre like psyllium husk powder daily. I sufferered following surgery for piles and accidentally discovered the benefits when I used the powder in a recipe for Keto bread when on a low carb diet. There is info on Google.
I think your difficulty will be getting him to admit that he has a problem. Good luck!