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An embarrassing, "sh**ty problem

(63 Posts)
Nortsat Mon 07-Dec-20 16:50:08

I know it’s an uncomfortable subject but I think you need to mention it.
Perhaps ask if he’s suffering from piles or diarrhoea and whether you can get anything to help ... such as cream or medication. Then you could ask again if he needs anything to help ... should you notice it again.

My partner never used the moist wipes, he just assumed they were mine for indeterminate uses. When I explained what they were for and he tried them, he found them useful and comfortable.

I think a gentle conversation....

Nadateturbe Mon 07-Dec-20 16:46:05

Reading recent comments perhaps you do need to talk to him.

MamaCaz Mon 07-Dec-20 16:43:35

He might have a medicsl problem that actually causes him to 'leak'. If so, he might also also be too embarrassed to mention it or see a doctor. Do try to gently raise the subject with him, in case it's something like that.

EllanVannin Mon 07-Dec-20 16:39:17

I'd shame him and tell him there's more skid marks in his underwear than at Brands Hatch.

AGAA4 Mon 07-Dec-20 16:39:16

Could he have piles Nan2six? They can make proper cleaning more difficult. If this is a recent problem there may be a medical reason for it.

FlexibleFriend Mon 07-Dec-20 16:36:20

Next time he gets off the sofa and you notice a whiff ask him if he's stepped in something and continue in that vein till he takes the hint, said often enough he'd be really dense not to catch on.

ginny Mon 07-Dec-20 16:31:11

To be honest , I would just tell him. Better be embarrassed by you than have friends putting up with his smell.

nadateturbei Mon 07-Dec-20 16:26:10

I like missingmoominsmama's idea. Least embarrassing, but gets to the point.

ExD Mon 07-Dec-20 15:28:43

Read, and perhaps join, the BAM group of facebook. Its a closed group so you won't be able to read the posts unless you join - but it's very helpful.
BAM stands for bile acid malabsorption and you can look it up on google.
Would a small tin of Vaseline be helpful (I mean would he use it? surely it must be uncomfortable? My DH ignores moist sheets too.
He also won't discuss these things and gets furious if I mention anything like that. Years ago I noticed one of his crown jewels was swelling, and he went into a dark sulk for days about me interfering in things I knew nothing about.
Three years later he had to have it removed.
The temptation to say 'I told you so' was almost irresistible.

Liz46 Mon 07-Dec-20 15:24:33

I would just say ‘you smell of poo’ next time he stands up and you get a whiff.

Missingmoominmama Mon 07-Dec-20 15:24:01

Does he leave marks in his underwear? He must know he has a problem if he does.

Walk past the loo door when he’s in and shout, ‘I hope you’re wiping properly!’ in a jokey tone. He’ll know you’ve noticed, and you don’t have to say anything directly to him.

Dottygran59 Mon 07-Dec-20 15:23:12

Hi Nan2six - can't suggest how to tackle DH re the unpleasant aroma, but PLEASE don't use those moist wipes in your loo. I know that they are supposed to dissolve in water like loo paper, but they don't, and can cause untold problems in the sewers.

I've worked for a water company for many years, and the slogan is - pee, poo, paper - (down the toilet that is)

Nan2six Mon 07-Dec-20 15:15:56

Hello Gransnetters, my first post on Gransnet, but I read daily. Something wisdom and common sense here.
I really don't know how to talk to my DH of 30 years about a personal hygiene problem which has become worse the last year. Basically (and sorry to be gross) he is just not wiping thoroughly after a poo, and a few times I've noticed a less than fragrant smell when he gets up from the settee. I have just thrown all his jeans in the wash, after they seriously failed a confirmatory sniff test. I'm fretting about how to tackle telling him he needs to wipe better. I leave moist wipes in the loo, hoping he'll use them, but not actually said outright.
Any suggestions on how I can tactfully bring the subject up? He's a very defensive man and will disagree with me on principle.