An embarrassing, "sh**ty problem

Hope all goes well at the GPs Nan2six, and that the problem is easily resolved.

Please let us know how he gets on at the doctor’s, Nan2six.

Hope it is something that is easily sorted.

It sounds to me you are making an assumption here, when you say he isn't wiping himself properly.

Are you quite sure that is the problem? Are you certain he isn't passing a little motion when he passes wind?

Either way, you need to man up and tell him that you have noticed the smell and that you are worried that he might have problems with his digestion or his bowels.

If it is just purely lack of hygiene I suggest you ask him to wash after passing a motion and provide a basin, cloth and towel so he can do so. Wet wipes strike me as an unnecessary expense, after all there is soap and water to hand in the bathroom.

If it isn't just not wiping himself properly, you need to get him to the doctor.

Yes, well done Nan2six. If it is haemorrhoids they do sometimes bleed.

Good to hear that he is taking the right steps to sort this out - well done for taking with him about it.

The poor man must be worried sick, I do hope your GP is understanding and prepared to investigate thoroughly. DH is going to need a lot of support and reassurance that this is a joint problem and you will get through it together.

Yes, Nan2six hope your OH gets sorted soon.

That is a relief for you Nan2six I'm sure there will be help and treatment available for him.

It's so good that Gransnet has been able to help.

I'm so pleased to hear that you have had that conversation with your husband, Nan2six.
Now that he has made the decision to speak to his GP, he will get the help he needs.
I hope you are feeling less anxious about it all.

I hear this a lot about husbands maybe he thinks toilet roll is on ration. When putting a wash on I suggest you tell him his underpants are very soiled. Suggest. He wipes more because if he doesn’t you will just bin his underpants rather than wash them. I would also tell him he smells which is obviously not pleasant to be around.

You have been with this man 30 years - he is your life partner. Just tell him.

So pleased to hear he is taking the first step.

Good wishes to you both.

Tangerine

I am truly sorry for both of you.

I honestly think it's a medical problem if it's only fairly recently started happening.

If he was just careless about such things, the problem would have been there years ago,

I suspect the muscles in his anal sphincter have weakened. He may have piles. There are other problems which could cause such unpleasant things to happen.

He may well be defensive when you speak to him and I can understand why. He must be aware and be acutely embarrassed. In his position, I would be defensive although I think I would have not ignored the problem in the first place.

Visit to the Dr may be needed.

Thank you Tangerine, I thinknyou have some valid points here. We did talk about it the other night, it was painful, as he hates talking anything bodily function and us very private about such things. He did say he's been self treating haemorrhoids, but this morning there was blood on our sheet where he'd sat up to drink his cuppa. Without freaking him out more than he us already he is calling the doctors this morning, I've had to pop out...

Thank you everyone who replied to me and its helped me try and help him now. X

I am truly sorry for both of you.

I honestly think it's a medical problem if it's only fairly recently started happening.

If he was just careless about such things, the problem would have been there years ago,

I suspect the muscles in his anal sphincter have weakened. He may have piles. There are other problems which could cause such unpleasant things to happen.

He may well be defensive when you speak to him and I can understand why. He must be aware and be acutely embarrassed. In his position, I would be defensive although I think I would have not ignored the problem in the first place.

Visit to the Dr may be needed.

This has made me think, how about the bed, does he leave any marks on the sheet. You will just have to talk to him however hard it is. Maybe mention that just maybe other people notice it. Good luck with problem, I hope all the advice you are given helps.

My husband wouldn’t know the term skidmark. Perhaps he doesn’t notice when he gets undressed if his boxers are dark, as unlike us men don’t need to take down their pants to go for a wee, so it’s only when undressing he’d notice , unless he needs more than one poo a day. Buy him some white boxers and he might start to notice.Incerainly wouldn’t put the aforementioned garments in with the rest of the washing.

And I am not being facetious but is there any possibility of getting a bidet? And of him washing after using the loo?
A friend has a disability and has one of those loos that washes and dries the nether regions, I wish more of those were around.

Yes, we always discuss everything. We laugh about things because we’ve been together so long, it’s easier. I’ve pushed my husband to the doctors on a few occasions, just to be sure though. Nothing serious to date, but there’s always going to be that first time.

I would have thought you’d know if it was anything serious. He wouldn’t be able to hide his discomfort, and there’d most likely be blood there too, although not always I know. It’s still worth checking though. Could he be finding it difficult to wipe for other reasons? Back or neck stiffness for example? Or is he a big man, so it’s awkward? You definitely need to broach it. I think sometimes humour can break the ice, and then make the conversation easier. No one would laugh if it was serious.

Perhaps he has a rectal prolapse. You need to check his underwear and then gently ask him about it. Hope you get it sorted.

Several posters seem to find some of the comments amusing.
I’m afraid I don’t.

It sounds as though it might well be a medical problem, and I feel for the OP and her DH.

If it is just that he doesn’t wipe properly, and smelly, she needs to speak about it as tactfully as possible.

If medical, then see the doctor.

Hope it gets resolved.

Unless he has dementia, he must know himself. I would tell him straight but kindly that it's upsetting you. He needs to don the job thoroughly, I woukd not wash soiled underpants either unless he was ill or had dementia. You have been married so long, shared the most intimate of moments so how can you not say anything. If you notice so will other people. Do not believe in those wipes, they don't bio degrade ever and inflict so much damage to innocentvcreatures and our planet.

Is he overweight? The reason I ask is that I have noticed that men, who are overweight are often a bit smelly in their nether regions. I think they find it harder to wipe and probably sweat as well which adds to the mix, also due to being overweight washing in the underpants region is more difficult. (No offence intended BTW).

This is your life partner. No doubt through the years he has been aware of your issues...heavy periods, diarrhea bouts, etc. Did he shrink in embarrassment or take it in stride? Did he shame you? I rather doubt it. You owe it to him, and allow him to avoid embarrassment in the future. If he gets mad, he is probably relieved on the inside,