Hetty58, I am afraid you have the material stuff bit wrong. Mum cares very much about her material stuff...she lives in a state of chaos where she cares so much about it!
I agree with you, it is absolutely not about the journal which I really don't care about, not least because it isn't mine to care about. I care that my sister could take something from Mum without asking and do it in such an underhand fashion. That shocks me. It rings alarm bells.
It was certainly easier without my sister in my life on a personal level but she has always remained in my Mum's life which is as it should be. However, a lot of my issues about my sister (even before she hurt my daughter) were more about her rewriting history to make her the victim at every step of her childhood, young adulthood, etc. She never has a migraine, it is always a suspected brain tumour, a sore throat becomes suspected diphtheria. It became an extreme problem when I was continually being called, would drop everything because she had turned yellow, travel 70 miles to see her, just to find she was looking prettily pink. I haven't missed that at all over the last 6 years!
I don't have any problem at all sharing responsibility but the increased drama that results from handing over any of Mum's care does make it hard. As to the admin, I've been doing Mum's admin since I was a child, not because I wanted to but because it was necessary at times. Any efforts to step back have met with resistance from Mum and my sister. The latter has actively shunned that side of things and I don't really blame her. Whilst Mum had all her faculties, I just followed instructions. Nowadays, I have to make decisions on her behalf and I include my sister for 2 reasons. Firstly to spare my sister's feelings because, although she walked away from the responsibilities, she feels excluded now she is on her own. Secondly, to cover me from any accusations that I have spent money I shouldn't have, coerced Mum in any way, etc. I have talked Mum out of excluding my sister from her Will, encouraged her to treat her children the same as mine (Mum has been very generous in the past) and generally tried to be scrupulously fair on my sister's behalf, even after we were estranged.
I am not trying to make myself out to be a saint but I was brought up to treat others how you want to be treated yourself at a religious school and I do try to. I don't always get it right but I try hard. As for losing control, I'm not known as a control freak but I am known for being honest and it is always a big problem to me when I see honesty issues.
If Mum hadn't been bothered by this when we discussed it, I would have shrugged my shoulders and forgotten it but she is perplexed too. She sees why my sister would be interested in such an artefact but is worried that she should take her things without asking. It was her suggestion that she should change the locks, not mine. Personally, I can't see the point unless you are going to ban entry to the house and there is no question of that.
I do wonder if my sister is worried about the disappearance of stuff though. When my Mum was in hospital, she searched the house for the 'family' photos and couldn't find them because she wanted to make copies. She was very concerned that she couldn't find them. Perhaps she thinks that if she can't find them, she'll not be able to find the diaries when Mum dies.
What do you think would go well with coasters like this?
Baby Reindeer - anyone watched it?