As others have said, it's pretty unanimous here! Here's my tuppence worth. You're clearly a kind person and were perhaps partly drawn to get more involved with him when you learned of the tough experiences he has had. For whatever reason, he can't commit to an honest and equal relationship with you - he is finding sexual satisfaction elsewhere and emotional support from his friend. It does sound as though he realised he'd found in you someone caring and generous who would help him emotionally and practically with his son and grandkids and be good company ( on his terms). He is certainly not being honest with you and does not appear to want the exclusivity and commitment that you would have liked from the relationship. Whatever excuses he may have and whatever pleas he may make to get you to stay, you are not responsible for him and have to think of your own future happiness and mental health as well. You don't need to justify yourself to him and neither do you need to have a major falling out or rant ( don't give him an inroad to try to explain his behaviour and talk you out of breaking off with him). Just tell him calmly that you've made your decision and wish him the best for the future. I was with someone for about six years who , with hindsight, just fitted me into his life in a way that suited him. There was dishonesty in that he was quite manipulative, probably gay, and could actually have alienated me from my kids (in spite of having a good relationship with them in many ways). I'm now married to a wonderful man who cherishes me and is an amazing stepdad and grandpa. You don't need to be with someone to be fulfilled, but you have every chance of meeting someone who deserves you should you choose to give it another go. All the best.
Good Morning Sunday 17th May 2026
