So disappointed - what should I do now?

Don’t be a fool like me and waste your life with a liar. It will be easier for you than some as you are independent with a roof of your own. I can only wish you strength and good luck as you move forward.

As hard as it is finish this relationship. He obviously is a liar and you could never trust him. He is abusing by lying and a leopard never ever changes his spots.

Reading your follow on posts you are talking yourself out of what is the right thing to do, re holidays grandchildren etc. From someone that’s lived through this he will not change he will just deviate to another way of not getting caught out, by you catching him out he will just go under cover for a while until things settle down. Whilst all the time you will be driving yourself mad with everything whirling around in your head. Trust me when I say if there made that way and this is what flicks there switch nothing will stop them getting there kicks this way. It will crush your self esteem and make you feel worthless and think that it’s your fault some how. It’s not your fault. If you stay with him your life will be one big worry. Forget the holidays and all that is booked it means nothing compared to your own happiness and sanity. I walked away from it all, it’s the best thing I ever did, yes it takes courage, but I feel free and happy for doing it.The life you’ve built with him means nothing to him so don’t let it mean anything to you. Break away while your young enough. Good luck x

I don't see that you are getting anything much out of the relationship he has used you and gone behind your back you can't have a relationship without trust you have a family look to them for support as it isn't going to be easy to end it as he seems to say all the right things to convince you so he can have his cake and eat it

Leave.

That’s very brave of you jac64. I was once in a relationship like that, so much invested I couldn’t believe it wasn’t true... when I had the evidence I quietly completed withdrew. I didn’t even want a showdown with him as I suspected he got off on his image as a cad.
I still shudder with relief that I got out with some dignity intact he also had other ‘platonic’ women. He went on holiday with an online mate...whilst writing to me of his trials across the desert. It was a joke to him. He still tries to get in touch ... not with a barge pole. Phew. Sorry you are going through this different but similar experience of male entitlement. Online dating which is over two thirds women make men think they are a rare commodity...

Someone very close to me found the same sort of stuff on her husband's phone two years ago. Despite have two young children she kicked him out. Since then she's found it was the tip of the iceberg. He was not the decent man she thought
she'd married. Your man doesn't deserve you.

Don’t waste any more time on him, if you feel the need to keep checking up on him clearly you don’t trust him. I’ve been there hoping all will work out but it never does. Move on and create a new chapter in your life. It will be hard but at least you’ll have peace of mind, rather than wondering whether a day will come and he’ll walk away. Lots of women out there in their 60’s myself included are having to start again you’re not alone. Good luck.

Dump him. He’s not worth any effort from you. Real weirdo

His behaviour has upset you. He has no respect for you given his actions. Should be clear what you should do ie get out of relationship.

Why would you want to carry on? He's broken any trust you may have had. A relationship without trust is no relationship. Can him, and quick.

Many men look at porn but it doesn't necessarily mean anything. I'd be more concerned about the hookups he's been arranging and the dishonesty. It must hard but you need to think of yourself. If you've already endured 2 abusive marriages why subject yourself to more anguish and heartache?

The thought of a bloke his age 'playing the field'. Pathetic. Urgh

Two words - Ditch him!"

Don't let your own commitment and involvement in a life together stand in the way of showing him the door. You'll regret it forever if you don't. Difficult to find any disagreement amongst all the kind advice you've been given. It's probably 100% 'get out now'

You have your own home, he needs to leave it. Forget about arrangements, children, holidays etc., all that is just procrastination and leaves the door open for him to think he'll talk you round. It's also Christmas.....there, another reason for delay?

You need to quickly rip off the plaster, plan the rest of your life and start feeling good about yourself again.

Don't you honestly feel you deserve it? We all do!
Good luck and, to him, good riddance.

So it’s unanimous on here, which for a Gransnet thread is quite unusual!

I would put money on not a single person saying that maybe he should be given a second chance.

You have had a lucky escape, but I would like to emphasise the point that he will try to do everything he can to reel you in once more.

Stay strong.

I would be repulsed by this sleazy liar so that would make it easier to cut all contact. Good luck

It looks like you'd like him to be exclusive to you but he still wants to play the field. This is not true compatability is it? I'd end it now. It's difficult but you're being used and that's not good.
Just say, 'this isn't working for me and it's goodbye', then walk away with your dignity and self-respect. Sorry it's been like this for you.

Get out while your still sane.

Unfortunately, most men of this age group that are single, are single for a reason. There are proportionally so many more single woman, an older man only needs a pulse to find women interested. They are invariably no hopers (as in, no hope of being able to maintain a normal relationship).

I'm a v similar age to you and I've accepted I'll be on my own for life now. It's much better than trying to maintain a relationship with some ageing loser. There is so much more to life.

better get a full check-up too.

Once a liar......

Research into scam sites? Is he a journalist? Writing a book? Does he think you are stupid? Obviously he thinks you are gullible if you fall for any of that.
He has a long term close friend who supports him emotionally.
He stayed on dating sites until caught.
He actively pursues porn and is arranging for sex with other women.
You know what you need to do. Don't walk - run. You will never understand him and for your own sanity shouldn't even try. You are mourning the man you thought he was, not the actual man he is. Block him on every channel. Stay strong and tell your family why you have blocked him so they don't become inadvertent 'flying monkeys,' as MN would say. I'm sorry that this has happened to you and it has rocked your world. You will get over it though. ?

I wouldn't waste another minute of my life on him. Dump him and don't listen to the excuses. Scam research? It's an insult to your intelligence.

I'm so very sorry to read this Jac64, what a terrible end to a terrible year. It reminds me of my friend at work who confided in me she'd just discovered her husband of two weeks had a new baby by his ex girlfriend. It is unbelievably shocking that anyone can treat you so badly. I hope you can find the strength to say goodbye, good luck.