Mother in law has not given step granddaughter gift

vampirequeen

If she's a game player then don't give her the satisfaction of letting her know it's got to you. Cash the cheque and share it between the two children. If she ever queries it say that you assumed it was both of them as you knew she would never intentionally be mean to a child.

I agree wholeheartedly with this.

And still the OP hasn't returned to shed further light on the situation, or to thank those who have taken the time to respond to her dilemma.

Just saying.

Families !!!!! In some ways I am glad I don't have anyone ...my daughter not having spoken to me for 14 years and have never even met my grandson who is now I think, 4 or 5 .....quite the opposite to your mean m-i-l I actually went to my solicitor and bank to set up an ISA or savings for him ....only to be told this is not possible as I a) need his date of birth, and b) the mother's consent ....both of which I would not have ! Would love to take him, say, to Disneyland, and all those other children's places like to see Santa in Lapland (none of which are possible, of course, with travel bans at the moment ........the only thing I can do is to put his name in my Will, but to make sure I mention 'any other grandchildren existing at the date of my death' or to be held in Trust if he is not 18 by then (he won't be as I doubt I would still be around that long !) My solicitor told me my estranged daughter could contest it ......all I can say is she can try ! SO...enjoy the fact that you love the little girl and make it up to her in other ways ...no need to say Grandma/Great grandma, whatever, has left you out ! Have to laugh years ago, my m-i-l gave very extravagant gifts to EVERYONE except me ...I got a pop pop bead necklace and showed it to all the family on Christmas day ......my then b - i - l and s-i-l said Oh, that cannot be your present ! I said YES it is ...ha ha ...I suppose it WAS at least a present ....Happy Christmas

I agree....children don’t forget. The parents at least need to find out if it was accidental or intentional, but from how the OP describes her over the last 30 years, I’m inclined to think it’s the latter.

Life isn't gifts and fairness. Life just is.

Unless, of course, you're the little 5 year old girl who doesn't understand why her little brother gets given birthday or Christmas presents from her relatives and she doesn't.
And Caligrandma if this is happening in your household, you need to address it because the child that gets forgotten about has, I promise you, noticed and they will never forget. Or forgive.

I’m afraid this happened to me but it was my sister who bought gifts for my two boys but nothing for my step- daughter. Unfortunately, I was furious and had words with her on Christmas Day. However, we did repair our sisterly relations and she never did that again.
Good Luck with however you choose to handle this. My sensible suggestion would be to phone and thank her for the cheque and say you’ve bought xxxx for one child and xxxx for the other child and that they are/will be delighted with their presents. See what she says and take it from there.

I’d be tempted to buy the sweet 5 year old a nice gift from MIL
and when the little one thanks her she may enjoy the thanks and do better next year.No point saying anything only cause trouble don’t need more stress this Year ( she won’t live for ever,sorry that sounds unkind but true)

It sounds like she’s never been very nice, so she’s unlikely to change now. I presume she’s fairly elderly, being a great grandmother. I would agree with posters who say the money should go back, but it should, in my opinion, be the parents who do it. They, the parents, should definitely tell her why they’re doing it as well. If it hurts her, so be it. What goes around and all that. Your MIL may surprise them, and be really sorry, and not meant it to be like that at all. You never know.

My Grandson married a girl with two children last year their baby girl was born this year, my great granddaughter.
It never occurred to me not to buy christmas presents for my step great grandchildren.As far as we are all concerned our grandson’s sept-children are our family and would never be left out of anything.
The children are 9 and 14 so would definitely notice their little sister getting more presents than then.
Your MIL is being sorry can’t think of a word that actually relates to how I feel about your MIL ?

I think this is out of proportion. Its very difficult navigating step families. I know many grandparents that recognize birth grandchildren but forget step grandchildren. Very unintentionally, without a clue. I see it in aunts and uncles too. My own family included. I think we have to stop worrying about it. Life isn't gifts and fairness. Life just is. If there is notable upsetness its actually an opportunity to talk about life, people, differences, how its not a reflection of them but actually a reflection of the other person. Believe me, my family has regularly "missed" this boat. Its just a reality of life. Besides, gifts are just gifts. Thats all they should be.

Perhaps she thought that the little girl’s bio grandparents would be buying for her, but not the baby?

I have two older step grandchildren and a full grandchild in one family. My step grandchildren get presents from their mum’s parents, their dads parents and us, their step grandparents, while my grandchild just receives presents from their mum’s parents and us, their dad’s parents. It’s a positive minefield.

trisher ?

I would add granddaughters name to the card and share the cheque between both of them and when you see her next tell her what you did and add i know you must have just forgotten
in these crazy times Thankyou so much really kind of you etc etc !!!
my moto is always try to be the better person karma will do the rest ????

Trisher ???

There are a lot of posts about awful MILs and Grans but this isn't either. It is a Great gran, who may have forgotten, not be sure or simply think that the birth of her Great Grandchild and his first Christmas was something she wanted to celebrate. I think age and a different generation is something you have to take into account. You can change an older person's thinking more by showing them how accepted and loved a blended family is than by telling them they are an awful GG and they have to include a stepchild.

Angusann - what does your husband say about his mother? You went no contact with her for 5 years, how did she come back into your life?

"We don’t have a close relationship so I can’t even say anything to her our she would create major fuss."
Surely, that should read 'I will pull her up on that and she will strop and we can go no-contact again, I'm done with her this time.' Seriously - so what if she makes a fuss? You're not her hostage, so why are you behaving like she must be placated? Has she some hold over you that you haven't mentioned?

Good idea to cash it and share it, and then be amazed that she could be so unkind if she ever finds out and comments . How people can be mean to children just beats me - whatever the blood relationship - or not - surely, treat them all the same and share the love. What a hard heart she must have - or a swinging brick in the place of one!

Not to put too fine a point on it, but your MIL is an absolute bitch.

Like others, I don’t know why she didn’t give the cheque to the baby’s parents. Did she give a gift to your granddaughter in previous Christmases?

I would be inclined to nip this in the bud, tactfully and without anger, as, if this becomes the norm, your granddaughter will begin to notice that she is being treated differently. If the cheque was only given to you to pass on, then it would maybe be best to return it, saying you’re not comfortable with only giving to one child.

Just a year ago, we gained 3 step grandsons, as our daughter married a lovely man with 3 young sons.

Including our natural children we now have 2 daughters and 7 grandchildren.

We bought them all Christmas presents, welcomed our new extended family with open arms and kisses.

My heart is big enough for them all.

I agree it is mean-spirited not to give her SGGD a present at Christmas.

Leaving money in a Will is perhaps a different thing in some cases. However, you are then possibly talking about large or largish amounts of money. Every family is different and I have no real experience of this situation.

Denying a small child a little Christmas gift is downright mean and not something I would do.

My ex-MiL has not sent either of mine a card or a present since the separation (both were at primary school then). She'd see them when their paths crossed at their dad's. As her other child subsequently died, I doubt she sees much of that family either. Her loss, she has missed out on the most gorgeous GGD, my adorable DGD.

I’m with @madgran - several pages back - don’t get involved with the games, ask her to send it directly to the parents.

My niece is now a stepmother, last Christmas we sent a chocolate Santa for the stepdaughter and she was absolutely delighted - it really IS the thought that counts! And equally, being left out counts as well!

I've had similar issues with my mother and my younger son.
I actually have 2 sons (24 & 31) but the elder one has lived with my mother since he was 10 and I've not had a lot to do with her over the past 10yrs.
I have a sister who has 3 children but if anyone talks to my mother she says she has 4 grandchildren. When I confronted her about it she said it's because he's mine, I've argued that I have 2 sons but she says that it's because he takes my side in my arguments with her and that the elder is more like her child and not really mine!
Regardless of my lack of a relationship with her, there is absolutely no reason for her to treat my son like an outcast but still she does and has done all his life and he actually IS her blood!
The only thing she does do is send him a card at Christmas but even this seems to be a struggle for her. Unfortunately, my son has seen how differently she's treated his brother and cousins his whole life which has upset him but now he's an adult himself he's accepted that it's her that's in the wrong, he's done nothing to deserve being left out, so he's not bothered anymore, it's me that's been angry about it. Now I just see her as non-existent, she was vile to me my whole life and she's now doing a scaled down version of that to my gorgeous son, so I'm not letting her get to me any longer, we don't need her poison in our lives.