Mother in law has not given step granddaughter gift

I’m with vampire queen all the way.

If your son has only been living with his stepdaughter in the last year, it is unsurprising that your MIL has overlooked her. Maybe she just needs longer to build up a relationship; presumably in COVID 2020 she hasn’t had much of a chance!
At the end of the day, it isn’t your call about whether to accept the present on behalf of your grandson. Hand the cheque over and let the parents decide. Presumably the child has her own grandparents who will make gifts fo her but not your grandson. It is fantastic that you are so accepting of this little girl but other people are allowed different viewpoints. Fortunately with a cheque, you can make a deposit in the bank without either child knowing so nobody’s feelings are hurt.
As a mother with stepchildren, I was pleased that my mother always included them but as she became a great grandmother, it got too expensive to buy for everyone and we all accepted that. Blended families are complicated.

Assuming it was deliberate it is so cruel. I agree with Summerlove the focus on blood relations can be incredibly hurtful. I have a beautiful step daughter to whom I have been "mum" since she was tiny. A few years ago at her wedding dress fitting her future MIL turned to me and said that once DSD was married it would at least solve the fact that "she didn't have a mother" ??. She said this as I stood there holding DSD's wedding dress in place with one hand and tried to control her smaller SS's who were running amok in a wedding dress shop in their bridesmaids dresses...I laugh about it now but was hugely hurt at the time, so I would always say tackle these issues as it's awful when you've worked hard to build a new family to have it dismissed in this way. ( We're still a very large very happy family by the way ? )

I'm in agreement with Vampirequeen, cash the cheque and buy presents for both children. I would then take a lovely photo of both children holding the presents and pop it in a thank you card saying a big thank you from both children. This will drive the point home that there are 2 grandchildren. Hopefully, the MIL will definitely get the message in a non-confrontational way that you know her hurtful actions. If she then comes back at you that the money was meant for just the grandson, well then I would have it out with her.

When my Nephew got married, I inherited a ready made Grand Nephew. My nephew and his wife then had a child a couple of years after their wedding. It wouldn't occur to me to treat one child differently from another, especially as my Stepgran didn't treat me any differently to her bio grandchildren.

It’s time to step back again!..she is not going to start her drama off again with my grandson as she did when my first child was born. She will know what’s she done and has to live with it,

Thanks everyone for taking time to reply. My husband is angry and frustrated at the whole situation, but he is working away at minute so won’t see his mother, but he says she is looking for a reaction but she’s not getting one. ..we are going to give little shall I call her, Samantha* the same amount of money so she will know no difference. And let karma do it’s thing.
This is the first Christmas my son has actually been living with his stepdaughter, so the first time we have encountered Christmas gift giving. We were out of her life for 5 years as we couldn’t tolerate her drama and playing family off against each other, unfortunately I felt sorry for her and let her back into my kids lives, they are in no way close to her at all...so tbh it would have been more acceptable for her to give neither child a gift as it wasn’t expected. She has had the same contact equally with both my grandchildren.
But tonight my faith in humanity is resorted as my SIL dropped off a gift for baby and made a point of saying there is a little gift for Samantha because you can’t make a difference with children.
I feel much better for getting it off my chest and from many of your comments I’ve read, I can see I’m not alone with my frustrations!

Angusann, I would call her out on this. Presumably she's never bought your 5 year old grandchild anything for Christmas? Return the cheque and make it clear that you see no difference between these children and that's the way it will remain. If she wants to do differently, then she's not welcome to do so.

My mother refused to accept 'step' grandchildren in the family - saying that they already had real grandparents of their own - incredibly mean. She only gave presents to blood relatives.

We just ignored it and made sure they got the same, by adjusting things ourselves. Any cards etc. with names missing went straight in the bin.

My eldest grandson (a blood relative to her) was included, of course.

He has five grannies, though, as a result of the divorces/remarriages in his father's family. He's very happy with that.

So, in a way, I can understand that she might have considered it unfair, with some children getting more than others - but they're not counting!

Janeainsworth...I have literally sat down after a long day at work ...only getting a chance to read posts now...just saying

Can you talk to your son about this.
Really, you should not be left with the problem.

Good luck

Sorry for confusion...I am biological granny to my sons baby boy and step granny to the little 5 year old girl, my sons step daughter, so the kids are brother and sister

How can anyone ignore a child In the house.

At one time my D's was living with a lady with a daughter, I was very happy to have another GC and explained that to the mum, she put me straight with the words that her daughter already had 2 grandmas and wasn't going to have another! I was hurt but also understood, perhaps the op's mil doesn't really know where she stands, or perhaps thinks the the child's grandparents will be giving gifts to just their GC and she's doing the same? Talk to her, find out what her rational is,

Sorry just figured it is biological!

Excuse my ignorance please tell me what is a bio granny?

is this whole thread another game of skittles;
line 'em up, and see how many can be knocked down in one go.

The important one is your little 5 yr old granddaughter, why don't you purchase a little gift from your MiL . The child won't know, and no one is hurt.

I was loved and "treated" by both my stepparents and their parents too. They are all gone now but there is barely a week goes by that I don't think of them with great love and fondness. I remain very close to my stepsiblings - particularly my stepsister, whom I am proud to call sister.
I am also adopted.
I know very few blood relatives, other than my own children and grandchildren, but I have had lashings of love in my life.
Having said that: the usual family squabbles over Monopoly and fighting over the last bit of Christmas pud - we're none of us perfect!
Now I have stepchildren and stepgrandchildren. What can I say? They are awesome. All the under-18s get gifts and the rest of us do a Secret Santa.
I shall miss everyone this year but am looking forward to a quiet Christmas with my DH.

Flora5

* vampire Queen* has in my humble opinion the answer ....cash cheque and spend on both children .

The cheque is made out in the child’s name, so I’d presume it cannot be cashed.
As I asked before, did the granddaughter previously get gifts from this lady? If not, perhaps the cheque was a ‘birth’ gift for the baby, and why give a cheque via the granny rather than the parents?
A strange one altogether.

It’s difficult- I have a step (9) and 2 bios (4&2). I always give to all 3, birthdays as well, but spend more on the bios as I am aware the step has 3 sets of grandparents but the bios only have 2 sets. In fairness the bios get ‘treats’ during the year but the step is less likely to as he doesn’t live full time with bios

* vampire Queen* has in my humble opinion the answer ....cash cheque and spend on both children .

I might be missing something here. Would the gift have gone direct to the child's parents?

Angusan,It’s a good thing your step granddaughter is too young to understand. Your m.i.l. has to be told. It has to stop. How could she !!!!!!! I am literally fuming?
ALANNav.....my heart aches for you. Despite being rejected, you are still determined to be just and fair. I applaud you...

My late mother-in-law informed me that my four children had had all they were getting from her. (she had given each of them a lump sum when she sold her house, controlling how the two younger one's spent said money, dishing it out as and when she approved their requests. My husband had passed by this time so I had no say in the matter. I asked her to wait, and bequeath said monies in her will, but no, She informed me that she had allocated £5000 for four of her favourite charities and £1000 of that sum to my only grand-daughter at the time. The rest, quite substantial, was to go to her remaining son. I informed her that my grand-daughter was not a charity case and not to bother!!!