stepson

Alexa, I am not at all biased, more realistic and supportive; I was simply stating fact and pointing out to the OP what might be the case with her step son.

As the second wife, you would say that PollyDolly. I bet the first wife is otherwise biased.

He may be a very brave young man - willing to accept that he made a mistake (possibly influenced by others). Of course you should give him a chance, support your husband in his decisions and welcome his son into your family.

Maybe it will work out well, maybe not - but an opportunity not to be missed.

Give them time and space, after all you don't know just what poison the sons birth mother has dripped into his ear about his dad!
Ex - wives can be manipulative, I know, my OH has one and she won't let their son have anything to do with his dad - the son is 44, weak and spineless and being bank rolled by his mother!

My sentiments too Eloethan.

I know exactly how you feel. My step daughter has done and said unbelievable things to her father over the past 16 years. I have always asked my husband what he feels and support him in his decisions. I give my opinions when asked by him. At the end of the day she is his child and he has to live with himself.

I agreee with harrygran's comment! not your call!

Willow, there may be a reconciliation. I think you can give yourself permission to hope for a reconciliation.

You need to step back its not your call as already has been said he was his father before you came along an angry step mother is the last thing your husband or his son need to reconcile

Let bygones by bygones.

I also agree with Smileless and Vampirequeen. Take care, take it slowly, review together as you go along.

I wish you and your DH well Willow but also echo what vampirequeen has said. Take it slowly and be as sure as you can be before opening yourself fully and this advice is for you and your DH.

Thank you for all your comments.
I will support my husband whatever he decides and not interfere in the process. Life is too short but when you love someone and you live with them while they are hurting its hard to let go of those feelings of resentment.
New Year Resolution ; try hard to bury these feelings! Live in the present not the past!

I totally understand how you feel, as I have been in a similar situation, but with my biological daughter. She was reconciled with us after several years of estrangement, just before DH was diagnosed with terminal cancer and died 9 months later.
He had come to terms with the past and all was forgiven between them. He was a wonderful, loving man, who never held a grudge.

I don't know, but I assume that DD will regret, if she doesn't already, the missed time she could have had with him. She abruptly cut contact, got married, had a child, and moved house, all without telling us (although she sent cards on birthdays etc). She has never really explained it, although there were some issues with now SIL. But she says that she was 'very young'.

Now DD is being loving and thoughtful and is in contact every day. She just wants to go back to where we were , both with me and her sisters. And on the surface we have, but underneath I still feel angry and hurt, both for myself and for DH, who was deprived of the first 14 months of DGD1's life. So I would feel exactly the same as you do.

However, we can't change the past, so we have to come to terms with it. Your DH wants reconciliation, so you have to support him this and be pleased for him. Try to let go of the angry feelings, for your own sake and DH's sake rather than for the sake of your stepson.

I wish you well

Any chance of mending broken relationships is a good thing. Both give it your best effort and try and forgive and forget the past. Good luck.

Your husband was his father first before you came along. Let them reconcile.

Go with the flow but be prepared in the back of your mind for it to go pear shaped. You have to give the lad another chance but don't open yourself fully until you're sure. I know that part of you will be incredibly angry about the hurt caused to your DH and will be worried it's going to happen again. There is nothing you can do other than be there for your DH no matter if the result is good or bad.

This year has taught me that life is short and holding grudges and being angry is wasted energy, I agree with the majority of the others, take a back seat whilst offering your DH support and keep an open mind to listen.

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This is a line that must be drawn under the past and you need to support your DH and accept your stepson back into the fold.❤️

Your stepson was hurt enough by something to need to step away for a while. It probably took some strength to reach out again as well. I think it's a good idea for your husband to go and hear what his son has to say. It's understandable you are angry given the hurt you have seen your husband go through but your job is now to support your husband as he finds out what the bigger picture is and hopefully heals the divide.

Yes, support your husband and try to step aside for a while - they may need to reconcile without you.
Be brave and bite your lip.
?Fingers crossed it all goes well.

I agree with Nonogran give them space. Good luck.

Good advice above, I would add - consider what you were like at the age your stepson is now, he will not have the maturity or wisdom that (sometimes) comes with age. He has clearly been working through issues for the past few years. They both need your support and understanding.

All the best.

It's time to be the better person. Draw a line under past events, don't mention them, and accept him back.

Speaking from a similar experience, can I also suggest that your husband & his son may need several encounters on their own, in private. Give them some space to talk without a 3rd party being around, however well intentioned that 3rd party may be. In time, when they've exhausted what they may want or need to thrash out, step gently into the circle again. I too agree with all previous posters ....support your husband but give them s p a c e!