My husband thinks Covid is a 'plandemic' and his attitude and ways of thinking have become so against mine, not sure we can survive it.

Regardless how extreme his views are why not just agree with him, you don’t have to spread his theories outside the house, when this Covid emergency ends it will all go away. Really, don’t stress yourself, plenty of us get a bee in our bonnet about this or that, don’t confront the issue.

SuzyP2 I understand your dilemma as I too have a family member who believes in the 'hoax' and is begging me not to have the vaccine. I think a lot of the problem does arise from a lack of trust in government and media which has grown over several years. I can understand that, especially when so many 'lies' or at best 'misleading information' have been uncovered and left the way open to the conspiracy theorists. This also includes the way some statistics are presented and commented upon.

Every time I have been given information from this person I have followed it back as far as I can by researching where it came from. Some is from discredited 'experts' or scientists who disagree but surely that is what science is all about. Also much is based on ideas put forward by 'holistic health' advocates. Nothing wrong with that, healthy eating, fitness, positive thinking etc but I note that often they are then propagated by others who have trained in marketing, technology and business management and are trying to sell a 'health' product or training course. Some of them are very articulate and convincing as are some politicians!

Add to this the algorithms used by social media to link individuals to posts that agree with what they have already viewed and in a way we are all being manipulated. I am no expert in anything but will try to look at all sides and make my own decisions. However I do worry that 'blocking' the dissenters is feeding into the conspiracy beliefs and they will go underground which is far more dangerous.

Suzy I can't offer any relationship advice but I am just trying to be calm, point out that both sides have an agenda and looking back into history these situations blow up and then die down again. My study of the bubonic plague and the 1918 Spanish flu pandemic have been very informative.

I have read that conspiracy theorists feel that sense of "belonging" when they communicate with others who share their views.

I find comments such as "wake up, sheeple!" and "do some research!" really aggravating.

EllanVannin

My husband is sadly no longer here PollyDolly.

My comments was not directed at you EV, it was directed to the OP OH. If I offended you I apologise sincerely, stay safe.

My BIL is very much like this. I think it's because he doesn't like anyone telling him what to do or think. He wants to be the only one whose opinions are valued, it's very wearing.

I'm sure if the government told him that covid was nothing he'd argue against it. Anything for an argument!

If I have to talk to him I steer conversations away from anything political.

You have my sympathy!

My husband is sadly no longer here PollyDolly.

My comment is no worse than that published today about letting the old die whilst saving the young. Why do you think this is PECS ? Rationing intensive care to give the young a chance. What would you do and why do you think the old are weaker ?

I wish I could have madeyour husband sit at the side of my colleagues bed in ITU as he struggled for every breath; he died a very young man with his career and life ahead of him!

Comparing an 80 year old to a 20 year old, yes,PECS. What would your thoughts be ?

Are you suggesting that those who have died from Covid are weak EllanVannin??

That does not feel a very thoughtful comment.

I suggest only focusing on any actions he takes that might put you at risk. If there any tell him what you are going to do to ensure your own safety.

I reckon he'll change his mind if he catches it.
As in the Billy Paul song, " Only the Strong Survive ", is true of Covid, if a respirator is necessary.

I have a relative whose thinking has been dominated by conspiracy theories (QAnon) for years. He has had rows with almost all family members about it because they try to argue with him. I don't; I simply say that I have looked into it and have not yet found any verifiable facts compelling me to agree with the theories. Because he still thinks that I am willing to at least consider the claims he gets less and less dogmatic with me about it.

In a recent conversation I mentioned to him my concern for close family members who have/had Covid. He asked how I knew it was Covid and I simply said that their symptoms matched what we know about the illness. He then said that Covid was 'part of a plot' and I suggested that whatever the reason for the illness was, the fact is that my (named) family members were suffering with it. He then asked about how it was affecting them and expressed concern.

I hope that by not directly challenging his theories he may continue to ask me questions about why I have reached my own conclusions and open his own mind to other views. It's a slow business, but he's a very compassionate man and it was his belief that powerful people were being abusive that drew him into the theories in the first place.

The only way he will believe it is when he gets it!

"Everyone is entitled to their beliefs. As long as it is not putting others in danger I dont see what the problem is. You disagree politically without it causing problems."

hmm.. wonder if that is what people said in the USA?

Personally I could not have lived in the same house with someone who did not share my values.. political opinion is based on values... but now is not a time to be looking to separate ..far too tricky unless you have a loclrealative you can go and live with... So it is about agreeing not to speak about the subject and making sure he keeps to the restrictions and does not put you at risk. All the best

I'm glad you are feeling a bit better SuzyP2. It is a worrying time for everyone and we all have to find a way of coping with it mentally. It really isn't black and white, and you have managed to agree to disagree on really quite major events in the past. You managed that without it winding you up to screaming point, so I think the current situation is just increasing the stress levels.

Don't watch the news together if it is going to wind you up, find time to spend apart, and also time together to do things that you do both enjoy. A few more months should see us through this, and things will calm down. Hang on in there!

It’s a pity he can’t be made to work on the wards, he might review his thinking. I don’t think I could live with him,it’s ridiculous.

Thank you everyone for taking the time to respond.
Do I feel at risk? Sometimes yes, whilst I am sticking to the rules, he is asthmatic so does not wear a mask. He is also refusing the vaccine when offered even though he has an underlying health condition.
He has one of those badges on a lanyard so there is always risk involved if he is out. He works part time in a customer facing role where there is always further risk with regard to social distancing no matter what precautions are taken.
He is a very intelligent man who likes to research things and does spend a lot of time on the internet and we all know that once you have started searching for a particular subject there is always more, and more.....
I suppose we had initially adopted the same unspoken 'agree to disagree' stance. I take the point that he may feel out of control and scared but he is not likely to change his views. As for me, I feel less likely to continue to agree to disagree when there are human lives at stake, but knowing this will fall on deaf ears.
I think I have talked my way out of the fog in my head, thank you x

Galaxy is right in my opinion, some people are just unable to cope with reality so look for any explanation to support that. You may be able to work out if that’s the case with him -is he following all the guidance for social distancing or not? If he is, then he is probably scared and just not coping?

I talk to people on the phone every day, and am totally amazed by the amount of people who deny the whole pandemic. Others who won’t accept that we have supply problems. Every day someone, usually in a very loud voice, and with very colourful language, tells me they are sick of people using the pandemic as an excuse for incompetence.
It’s not my place to argue, and at work we are all used to it, but Suzy, I don’t think I could live with it.

cornishpatsy

Everyone is entitled to their beliefs. As long as it is not putting others in danger I dont see what the problem is. You disagree politically without it causing problems.

Disagree totally. This attitude leads to non compliance and delays the end of the pandemic.

I think frequently it's a form of not coping, I am watching a friend go through this at the moment, I think we are all finding this difficult but I think some find it harder than others. I think it's often a form of breakdown, I realise that sounds very harsh. I am not sure I could live with it though.

Could it be he is actually quite terrified of it all, so he goes into denial?

That's a good point, Toadinthehle
Ostrich mentality?

However, there are some truly frightening conspiracy theories out there on the internet. Does he spend much time on the internet, SuzyP?

Everyone is entitled to their beliefs. As long as it is not putting others in danger I dont see what the problem is. You disagree politically without it causing problems.

I think I’d want him to write a detailed account of how he thinks all this ‘ acting’ is being done...rather than regurgitate what he’s heard others say. The amount of work that would need to be done, to make the theories true, is massive. All the world governments would need to collude for one thing. Can’t see that happening, and what would be the point? Could it be he is actually quite terrified of it all, so he goes into denial? As Poppyred says, the only other thing you can do, is refuse to discuss it, but if he really believes it...then he should be able to put some constructive arguments together, which I doubt he’ll be able to do simply because they don’t exist! Good luck with it all?