How many of us shared domestic duties, care of children with our husbands or partners?

MOnica, exactly as you say, what’s important is what works for each individual in a marriage/partnership or life long relationship.
Lucca, your experience sounds similar to my first marriage. I worked and did everything else as well. That’s not what I wanted but isn’t the only reason I left.

Only thing husband did was gardening. Never changed a nappy or looked after kids. His attitude was, I give you plenty of money don't I. I had no say in decor or furnishing as any time something was needed he had a customer who was offloading material or goods and would offer him discount.
He never cooked anything and now lives on his own ,eating out before covid and getting ready meals when my son does the shopping.I had some extra shopping and asked son if his dad would like these items. I was told no, he wouldn't know what they were or how to cook them.

Kircubbin2000, you aren’t alone in that experience. I hope life is more positive for you now x

kirkcubbin it sounds like we were married to the same man!

When I married my husband he was a single parent of two young children, and I knew he was very capable of shopping, cooking, washing, ironing and running a home, as well as decorating, DIY and gardening. As I only found part time work in my field for some years, I took on most of the housekeeping roles. His hours increased and I found myself landed with more and more.

Since retirement not a lot has changed. He still looks after the garden between April and October but is no longer able to do any DIY apart from tech stuff.
I want to broach the subject of the imbalance of our responsibilities, especially as I do two days a week voluntary work, WFH, and have three zoom meetings each week.I wish I knew where to start. I am sure he thinks he does enough, but he often forgets eg to put the bins out.

We did share it all, but not necessarily every task. I did the cooking, he did car and gardening; he picked up children, did nappies - a bit of everything really. He had a one day off in the week and that was "Daddy Day" and was always one of my work days - I did not enquire what they did on that day, but it seemed it involved a lot of chocolate!

However, I was the one who did the discipline! He was a soft touch and they knew it!

Oh - and he did most of the cleaning because my filth threshold was much higher than his - well I am very shortsighted!!

My husband worked long hours so much of the childcare and household jobs I did but he did help me with everything when he could.

I didn’t work when dds were very small, and only went p/t after the younger started school.

But our circumstances were different - we were living in the Middle East and dh had a very demanding job which meant he was usually out from around 7 am until 7 pm, 6 days a week - and sometimes 6 1/2 - no question of reducing hours when this or that was wanted yesterday! - though he did come home for lunch, ditto dds, since school was from 8 until 1 pm only.
Dh did enjoy his job, though.

So there was no way I’d have expected him to do much in the house or with dds, though he was very good with them when he was there.

Once we eventually returned to the U.K. he was still working long hours in a demanding job and was often away for work, sometimes for weeks or months at a time, so nothing much changed. Once dds were more self sufficient there were elderly relatives needing help, and that was nearly all down to me. I was mostly working from home then, though.

I never resented our respective roles or felt hard done by though.

Witzend, that sounds so interesting and definitely responsibilities shared. Great to hear your final comment.
My dad worked long hours. He was an ambitious young man, who learned a lot during his time in the Royal Marines in ww2. Back to the mill wasn’t enough. Nightschool, further education led to a very successful career, which he loved. Mum didn’t work and given his hours couldnt

Sorry new iPad with mind of its own
Mum couldn’t have worked. She didn’t want to because like most working class women, her mum, mum in law, all worked in mills. Child care delegated to oldest child. Mum was determined not to repeat that pattern.
Lives are all different. We need to recognise that and avoid criticising or dismissing the ‘choices’ other women make.
I worked, it didn’t mean I didn’t dote on my girls. I was lucky and also deliberately chose a career where flexible working was possible. Never missed a sports day

When I was SAH there wasn't much for him to turn his hand to domestically but he was total maintenance man and gardener. We were a great team. When he came in from work, I was invariably in the kitchen but he just immediately got stuck in to anything he saw needed doing. When we were first married he said he would turn his hand to anything but he would prefer not to hang out washing or clean windows. Didn't seem much to ask so I happily complied. We married in '67 but were mature for the average newlyweds at that time. Happy days indeed.
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Ha ha Luckygirl my filth threshold is quite high too, so ditto. My OH is great at loo cleaning, but now thankfully we have a cleaner.

My OH was raised in a household which had a strict cleaning regime, his mum had a day for different jobs and absolutely nothing would get in her way, so he is hard wired. It’s great!

As you know from the other thread, I was a SAHM so I did most of the domestic stuff but DH did his share when he was at home.

We consider ourselves part of a team and work to our strengths.

We consider ourselves part of a team and work to our strengths.

Well said, kittylester
I think you can settle into a routine if you're lucky, although not everyone is.

I am still trying to persuade DH that his window cleaning skills are excellent (indoors only). He's not so sure.

Luckygirl However, I was the one who did the discipline! He was a soft touch and they knew it!

Recognise that one, because DH was away so much, he was very much a soft touch when he was home. He also did not, for the same reasons, have to deal with any prolonged periods of bad behaviour. DD used to try to wind me up by referring to 'nice Daddy and nasty Mummy' because I was the one that did all the disciplining.

@Callistemon, my dh really fancies himself at window cleaning (indoors only, someone does the outside) ever since his new toy (Karcher window cleaner) arrived.
Gadgets really are wonderful things!