Friends with our childrens friends

No, they were my children’s friends even if they did seem to live at our house most of the time, , if I see them in the street I chat to them but not a friend on social media.

I am good friends with my best friend's daughter and two sons, and am treated as an honorary Nana to her four grandchildren.

I am also a second mum to many of my twin daughters' school friends, in the same way my own mum was to my friends.

I always wanted a big family, so am always happier with a houseful - the husband prefers the quiet!!

so long as you don't tell them your daughters business.

I would of found it strange if my mum had became friends with one of mine as, to me, she wouldn't of had anything in common with them really. A friend of mine is on fbook and would say to me that I haven't many friends and she has loads! I'm not on fbook and the friends I do have are ones I made at school, friends from where I lived as a child, etc and we are still are close in our mid 50s and we go to lunches and shows together (normally). These are true friends, not randoms that pop up on fbook and that you don't ever see.

I'm friends on Facebook with 2 of my daughter's friends. It's more of an acquaintance relationship although I do message any very important local news I see, e.g. attacks, road closures, floods. One was very grateful as she had a call out at 4am and knew the road was closed so could go a different way.
Only problem I had was one of DDs friends was very spiteful to her on 3 separate occasions and they fell out. DD forgave her as usual but I can't as it was quite a serious thing to do. I speak to her if I see her at DDs home but really dont want anything to do with her anymore.

I have a very strange connection to one of my dd friends.
We are originally from the other end of the country. My dd made friends with this girl (now young woman) when we moved here.
When I was a teenager I was friends with this girls uncle in my home town! His family had moved there when he was a teenager! I was treated as one of the family.
I have been able to tell her about the gran she never had a chance to meet ?
I don't do social media, its too much like hard work for me.

It's a bit strange to be 'friends' with your daughter's friends and a bit disloyal to be friends with people your daughter fell out with.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

To me if you are only chatting with these people on social media that is hardly friendship, really just a casual aquaintenceship rather like all those former friends we used to send Christmas cards, but never saw.

I cannot see why your daughter could object or be hurt, unless one of these people you are casually in touch with has treated her really badly.

From your post, I gather this is not the case, but that we are talking of friendships that for no apparent reason have not stood the test of time.

I would never initiate a request online, and didn't with any of the ones I am friends with. I am only on FB and don't do Twitter, Snapchat or any of the newer / younger social media. The friend I mention above frequently messages me. Her children are about the age of my GS and we talk about the children. I was at her wedding and know her well.

The others are more good acquaintances. I would have a coffee with them if we lived locally.

Similar situation: I kept in touch via cards and an occasional letter with two of my long-gone-ex-boyfriends' mums! They were both really kind to me and welcomed me into their families with open arms. Neither had daughters so I was an adopted daughter I suppose. They always sent me a Christmas card with their news but we never talked about their sons! I am sad that they have died now but glad I was able to thank them for their support, friendship and warm hospitality all those years ago

My sister obtained the email address of one of my closest oldest friends and tried to correspond with her. I found that very weird and disturbing.

Do you believe in coincidences (I don't!) but as I am typing, I have received a WhatsApp message from the friend in question (as above)'s daughter!

She travels the world for work and sometimes send me messages and/or photos. We also meet up when she is in the UK but I would never try to be a real correspondent with her as she would have her own circle of close friends.

I think it really depends on the level of friendship. I know some members of my family are really unhappy about how their parent became friends with their friends. One of them became intimate with their parent and they have never forgiven them. Incidentally, their friend was older than them but many years younger than their parent. The fall out is still going strong.
I am Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat friends with some of my son's friends and their parents. Those ones tend to be the ones he went to Nursery and Primary School with so you get to know the parents at the school gates or PTA. His secondary school friends were part of the Hockey Family so some of them are "friends" too. They know that I am always there as a sounding board if they need that. They also know that if they got into trouble, say on a night out, they could ring and I would help if they couldn't raise their parents. However, we don't have a "close" relationship with any of them, just an interest in them if they make contact.
No, I don't think it's weird, GagaJo.

Good advice Lolo81

I don't make a habit of it but I have a dear friend who was a friend of my daughters at school. She, her husband and children are my bubble when I can have one. Both my daughters live too far away.
This friend is disabled and needed help on many occasions and I was glad to give it. She makes me laugh - we have the same sense of humour. I am Godmother to her children.
I think we would have been friends no matter the circumstances in which we met, despite the age difference.

Our neighbours are a very nice couple, his brother was engaged to my DD2, both worked with my DD1. To me they are just a nice couple who live next door with their family.
Before lockdown I passed outgrown clothes and toys I had to their children!

Please can I just add that two of my adult children have felt they had to accept "friend" requests from adults from their past. One is a step-uncle who is a nice person but also embarrassing. Both adult children have asked me (separately) why these people have sent them these awkward invites. One, (not the uncle) keeps chatting to my daughter and commenting on things.

I'm glad I can't see it!
?

I`m friends with my 2 d/sons friends as we were friends with their parents and still are.
One of my son`s refer to me as mommy 2 and his dm/df laugh and tell me i`m welcome to him,which makes us all laugh.
Age doesn`t define friendship imo.

When we visit our DD overseas, their friends always ask to see us but that's a get together with DDs, likewise if they are home their friends might come and stay. One of DS's friends sometimes phones or calls in to see us, I think he just likes to make sure we're ok.
But I wouldn't say we have a separate friendship with them - we have our own friends although some are the parents of their friends.
Only a couple call us Mr&Mrs C - mostly they just call us by our first names.

If they weren't friends any more with my DC for any reason I would stay right out of it. That way lies trouble.

The very reason I never joined Facebook was because my children were on it. They needed their own space as far as I was concerned.

So, to the question "is it weird" - I personally think it's not what I'd do.

I do love remembering the happy times (though remember the sad ones too) from when my now adult children were children - but I am definitely not friends with my children's friends.

I have had, like others, close relationships with a few of these as they grew up and have had some drop in occasionally as adults. I see myself more like an aunt than a friend and feel it would not be asked or expected that I'd become a friend.
Especially if my daughter had stopped being friends with them... I think I'd gently back off.

We are still friendly and in contact with some of our sons old school friends, their parents and their friends through work etc. We very rarely see them now except at weddings etc but always send our regards if we know they're meeting up, and we exchange Christmas cards with some of them. Our boys say they enquire about us too. One of our son's friends stayed with us when she needed a place to stay. I know they have their disagreements occasionally, but that's between them and no reason why we shouldn't remain friendly with them. I don't do social media at all as I think it's often not very social.

I wouldn't say I'm friends with any of my son's friends as such, beyond the fact that if I see them, I'd happily chat to them.
In fact when my son was in his teens and we were out shopping, he regularly used to disappear for a few minutes and then re appear , or walk behind me as if he wasn't with me! When I used to ask why he did it, I can remember one time when he said it was because he had seen a friend from school - he hadn't spoken to them, just didn't want me to see them "because I would want to speak to them "!!!

Yes we know this friend well, GagaJo, in spite of having difficulties in his childhood, epilepsy being one. His mother came round to see us the first time he came away with us to tell us that and didn't like other children knowing about it, although my son did, but he trusted him not to bring it up with other friends. We always took friend aside every day whilst he was away with us to quietly remind him to take his medication. He was absolutely no trouble, always has been easy to be with, more so than my older son, his friend, who has an up and down temperament and at times has been challenging. My son is also close to friend's mother who was very kind to him when one of his relationships broke up.

I know from my own growing up years that friendships with friends' parents can be rewarding.

The key point for me is the comment that your daughter disapproves of those she fell out with. Unless you disagree with your daughter, it seems odd to maintain a friendship that may make your daughter feel excluded.
I’m Facebook friends with women in their mid 30’s who used to sleep here, holiday with us. I accepted friend requests and ‘like’ their pics of their babies

Daughters bubbly friend is friends with everyone but I only contact her if there is a problem. She sends me all her news.
I've off loaded 2 of my friends to son as he is much more interested in keeping in touch with them.