How can I move on?

Pinktulip My marriage wasn't as long as yours but I too discovered my partner was having an affair with a work colleague.
I actually saw them together one day . It had been going on for about 6/7 months at that time. She wasn't a friend of mine but did know me...which for me, made it worse in many ways.
I can remember talking about it with someone who told me at the time "it's okay if you can forgive but can you forget?", in all honesty I couldn't.
We did try to work through it although to be honest, we did have other issues within the relationship. I simply couldn't get past it and ended everything.
I was younger then and I do think that can make a difference but outside of my boys, I really had no other family.
I think you can find a life for yourself at any age....if that's what you want.

What an awful, awful betrayal - I am so sorry you're having to go through this.

If your husband says he's still with you, (inferring that is enough to reassure you that he's seen the error of his ways), is sorry and wants to try again then I'm sorry, but I wouldn't believe him. He was with you when he chose to have the affair. If he isn't working to make this right and attend to your feelings then he probably needs considerably more counselling and a kick up the jacksy!

Since the counselling has he made nay moves to change his behaviour to reassure you? Is he willing to listen when you need to talk about it? In short is he sorry, as in true remorse, not the kind of half arsed sorry that lets him off the hook.

It is possible to get past something like this, but you almost have to start a new relationship, on new terms. You can't just pick up the old one as if nothing has happened. Neither should anyone expect you to.

However, he is who he is and if you love him and want to stay there may be some things you have to accept about his character. This is often hard to do, but possible.

You've already asked yourself the question, Can I start an new life at 62? Yes. Another is, if I had a support network outside of this marriage would I leave? The answer might help you clarify your feelings about what you really want.

Support networks can be built, just as much as marriages can be re-made but you need to decide where not put your energies and take a chance on which one will bring you the most contentment.

best wishes x

Well my answer is yes 62 is still young and you can start a new life if that’s what you want or need for peace and happiness

The betrayal you felt hasn’t gone anywhere has it ? even with counselling and I can understand that I too would imagine everything if he was away from me I think it’s totally understandable to go into worry mode but that’s not living is it?

I think you have to weigh up wether your love for each other is strong enough to get over this huge slap in the teeth Did he tell you about his affair to clear his soul, to get rid of her, or to dump his guilt or did he really feel contrite and wish it hadn’t happened?
Maybe a long talk with him and tell him how close you are to leaving to gain some peace and hopefully happiness explain how uncomfortable and insecure you are when he goes away

Really he should be doing everything he can to make you feel secure he can’t just dump his business on you and expect you to forget it ever happened because he didn’t deny it