Sex

Does he have an official diagnosis for low testosterone?
There are treatments for that and be able to recover his previous sexual life, if that is something that he wants.

How long after getting together he changed?

Is he aware this is bothering you (rightfully so)?

This is not going to end well in the long run, I am afraid

Hithere

Does he have an official diagnosis for low testosterone?
There are treatments for that and be able to recover his previous sexual life, if that is something that he wants.

How long after getting together he changed?

Is he aware this is bothering you (rightfully so)?

This is not going to end well in the long run, I am afraid

He has not been diagnosed. That’s his assessment of himself. It’s gotten gradually worse the last 6 months or so. He knows it bothers me and he just says he’s sorry. He will try but it lasts one night then back to the same.

I was so worried because he started working out and trying to get in better shape. Honestly he’s already in good shape but he’s lifting weights now. I was worried he’s cheating. He says he’s not. Mostly his time is accounted for so not sure when he’s have time for that anyway.

We are very affectionate and cuddles a lot. Just no sex. It makes me sad.

I would honestly call him on it and ask him to get checked out medically.

He knows how it affects you and doesnt make a major effort to address it.
That would be a deal breaker for me

This may be way off the mark and is only a suggestion, but you mention your SO is lifting weights. Is there any chance he’s taking steroids to aid in his workout regime? Regular long term use of many steroids can cause a reduction in the natural production of testosterone.

That was my thought, too, Lolo81. Perhaps this thread would be of interest to the OP as an avenue to explore:-

www.gransnet.com/forums/relationships/1293909-That-s-x-word

Get yourself down to Ann Summers when possible.
That might do you both good.

How old are you both?

Has he had a PSA test recently? Prostate problems can cause this change.
He must consult a doctor about it but most men avoid discussing this issue (which accounts for the high rates of men with prostate cancer).

It could be psychological. Don’t mean to be rude or insensitive , but perhaps your sex drive is stronger than his and he feels inadequate

Having two lively grandchildren living with you may also be putting a damper on things (your other thread). Perhaps try and get away, just the two of you, for a weekend of passion?

Put some viagra in his breakfast cereal. ?

I know from my first marriage the agonies of being kissed and cuddled - but knowing it won't go any further. To put it mildly, it isn't natural.

From a male perspective, reduced drive over such a short timescale is puzzling, and the prostate suggestion certainly has merit. [Any older man spending too long in the loo needs to be checked. PSA is a simple blood-test indicator. Score less than 4 and it isn't cancer. But 70% of men will experience a prostate issue, many not cancerous, merely enlarged as mine was.]

Ashcombe (my DW) has rightly suggested self-awareness, but we all know it lacks the warmth and loving aspects of the real thing, which seem still to be present in other areas of the relationship. And while a partner can contribute to such activities in most fulfilling ways, I infer that you wouldn't be posting if that were the case.

Candid facts about where this is leaving you, and a hint of where it might lead in terms of pastures new, need to be aired, and soon. I just hope there isn't something he hasn't revealed.

You don’t say your age but if he is fit and does weight training he is pretty normal and should be having a normal sex life. Maybe he has had some “failures” that has dented his confidence, in which case Viagra or Cialis will cure that. We also cuddle a lot which gets both of us “interested”, OH is 72 not especially fit, so that’s really nice.

If he does suffer problems, DON'T dwell on, or mention them.
Just give encouragement in ANY possible way, visual and otherwise.
There are methods and devices which can help, if there is a problem. Offer to help with them.

Try different times and places around the house.
A bit of fantasy may help.
Picking the right time of day will help, mornings should be good, or afternoons. Evenings you can tend to be tired.
And don't be in a hurry, tell each other what you enjoy, and spend time on it.

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I can understand you putting up with it if you had been together for many years (maybe) but not in such a new relationship, if it’s bad now what will it be like in 5 years time?

Are you thinking of leaving him if the relationship doesn't start including more frequent sex?

If so, and I could quite understand if you were considering it, I think you need to be honest with your partner and mention that this is going through your mind.

If his lack of interest is a medical problem then it can quite likely be treated, but this will only happen if he wants to consult a doctor.

If he is seeing someone else, he should be honest and tell you so, as he should if he has genuinely no idea why he no longer wants sex.

However difficult and hurtful it would be to be told that he no longer desires you, if that is the case, you would know where you were.

If you cannot face the prospect of leaving him, you still need an honest and open discussion of the whole matter.

What does he imagine you are going to do about the lack of sex? Would he really like you to go looking elsewhere?

If he refuses to do or say anything helpful, he is risking you either leaving or taking a lover, isn't he?

I hope you get him to discuss this honestly and to DO something, apart from just saying he doesn't feel the need of sex.

Maybe, finding ways to pleasure each other may reawaken interest, and be a way to lead onto better, more interesting and enjoyable things..
Being a man, he is visual, so pretty, lacy colourful undies may arouse some interest. Morning or afternoon may be a better time than evening when you will both be tired.
Once you get started, don't stop!
Live out some of your fantasies together!
Lets hope that something does the trick!