Advice needed

If you felt nervous in the company why share the space in the first place. Just be yourself and be nice don’t chase after people for approval or friendship. Some people are so wrapped up in themselves they don’t notice other people.

To me it sounds as if this lady simply has not recognised you when she has met you after the event you describe.

Next time don't just nod and say hullo, introduce yourself and remind her where you met. Start by saying, "You probably don't remember me..."

If after that she still cuts you, then yes it was deliberate and very rude, so let her stew in her own juice.

Just ignore it,she won’t be worrying about you.I refuse to let people like that rent space in my head.

Maybe she's 'faking it till she makes it' ? She - (like me) might actually be more reserved and takes a while to get to know people.

I bet she's a lovely lady really - she was sensitive enough to make you feel welcome in your first visit.
Get to know the other members and enjoy the group.

Aside, Re: Face-blindness;
I have a friend with this. Last year as I was driving, she was riding towards me on the cycle path. I didn't wave knowing she wouldn't recognise me & didn't want to blow the horn in case she fell off.
A few days later she mentioned seeing me. Embarrassed, I explained why I'd ignored her.
" I didn't recognise you, but I knew your number plate" ??

I wouldn't go out of my way at all to become close to this women, why would you?

Clearly she isn't interested in you so just be polite if you meet her and let things go.

Less is more as they say. I wouldn’t bother with her at all. It sounds like an attention seeking thing to be honest. Just befriend someone else.

Thanks, all very helpful. Dippygran your experience is useful. Yes will do as you all say. Even just having this chat with you all has lifted me back out of my anxiety and made it all seem less of a problem.
I will hang around the formum in case I can offer such good advice to others, ?

No, definitely don’t go to her home, I can’t see any good coming from that.
Basically, I agree with Sharon103, just get along with the rest of the group, and if she wants be unpleasant, just ignore her.

Don't even think about going to her house! As a previous poster has said, you'll come over as "needy." Don't give her an opportunity to reject you.
In my experience, it's best to gird your loins with confidence & courage, be polite with a greeting & move on! Be circumspect & share your time at meetings with those who do gravitate to you. Don't give her a second thought.

Spice101

While you thought the chat went well and you thought there may be a friendship in the making, perhaps this person did not get the same connection and has no interest in being friends with you.

That said it is no reason to not be polite if and when your paths cross. Give a cordial greeting when you see her but other than that I'd not make any attempt to find out what her reasons are.

I second this viewpoint.

Women do this often, if you are not one of their clique friendship will be superficial - until they want something, men seem to mix much more freely. My husband joined the Rotary club, mostly male members, their ladies had their own lunch meetings, although I was invited and introduced getting accepted was hard, they all sat at “their own” tables and didn’t mix.

I would just ignore it. Remain pleasant, don't expect to engage in conversation. Smile with a "good morning" etc and walk on. It really isn't worth making an issue out of it.

Looking at it from her perspective - sometimes we meet people we just don't get on with. That doesn't mean we should be rude to them though. Maybe she has just lost a close relative, or been diagnosed with illness - you just don't know.

Hi Liz, (this is my first post, hopefully not too long winded n hopefully helpful)

Having been in a similar situation, I finally realised (after months of going over every interaction we'd had in my head n making me so anxious that I stopped going to my nightclass) that if I HAD said/done something that bothered her then SHE should be the one to approach me! I still felt upset and believe me being around her wasnt easy - but like my grandaughters always telling me 'fake it till you make it' so I went back to class, chatted to the others, made out like I wasnt fazed by her, was civil and eventually I did feel ok - shes never approached me in 2years but Im fine with that lol

(ps Id maybe advise against going to her home? - just thinking it might immediatley put her on the defensive, please keep us posted?

Frankie

You have made me feel much better about it.thanks.

She may not be ignorant or nasty I have tried to warn my friends that I can’t see them very well especially in bright sunlight I m much better indoors but in bright light it’s quite blurry so I need people to call out hello to me then I say hello back whether I see who it is or not I also don’t recognise faces very well ( unless well known ) but I m one of those people who say hello to everyone whether I know them or not but she may be a more private lady and she has only met you once and don’t forget if you’re sitting side by side at a meal she may not have seen your face much

I think you are overthinking it.

I would not go round to her house, just be polite and civil if you have cause to converse with in your groups. Just don’t talk about dogs

Well done for getting out and meeting new people, for sure you click with others there.

I wouldn't bother with her. Some people are just plain ignorant.
There's a 100 people in the group you say. Make friends with the other 99.

Thankyou so much for your advice. I will not go and see her.
She knows who I am as she is in several interest groups that I am in. It’s a group for retired people with around 100 members and many outings and interest groups are arranged. That’s why I want to fix it as I’m going to see her a lot.
I live in New Zealand and we are not in lockdown.
As to what may have caused it I have racked my brain and all I can think of is that she has a dog, a Westie, that she loves. I did say that our neighbours had one that barks a lot every time it sees or hears us and carries on for an hour! I guess that was tactless of me. I do get nervous when in a new group?. But that does seem to be a small annoyance if anything.
At 75 I’m too old to not know how to deal with such things!!
But I think the basis of your advice has been very helpful. I will just keep saying hello when I see her and stop bothering about her if possible.

Hello geekesse

I think that you posted while I was writing my post.

It is called prosopagnosia.

There are web pages about it.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/face-blindness/

There are YouTube videos about it.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=-vQGPcYfIAo

Oh yes!

While you thought the chat went well and you thought there may be a friendship in the making, perhaps this person did not get the same connection and has no interest in being friends with you.

That said it is no reason to not be polite if and when your paths cross. Give a cordial greeting when you see her but other than that I'd not make any attempt to find out what her reasons are.

I can understand that this is confusing for you. I agree with others, don't go to her house.

Not saying this is the case but I had a similar problem with a neighbour of my Mum's. Lovely lady who would always have a chat.

However I saw her a couple of times when out and about and she totally blanked me. I was quite bewildered really but just carried on.

One day I saw her in the village and she beamed and came over. Told me how pleased she was with her new glasses and how wonderful it was to be able to see again.

It appeared she'd blanked me due to the fact she couldn't see me!

I hope things get sorted for you. Try not to worry too much about it.

Maybe something really worrying has come up in her life and she was not being aware of you.

There is also a condition called prosopagnosia that some people in the population have, not always being aware of it.

As some people have it, it is possible that she is one of them/us.

Did you meet her in a different context when you think she cut you? Such as in the street or in the frozen food aisle of a supermarket?

Were you dressed differently than at the dinner?

Was your hairstyle different from how it was at the dinner?

Some people, like some teachers, can recognise the members of a class after one meeting.

Some people cannot tell one movie character from another if they are both wearing a black suit and are about the same age.

When I was at school, people usually sat where they liked, but one teacher insisted that we sat in alphabetical order of surnames. I wonder if that is why he did that.

It might be something to do with her and nothing to do with you at all. You don't know what is going on in her personal life. Or maybe she really isn't that friendly?

Either way, I'd just shrug it off. If you see her again in a social context just be normally friendly. She might warm up to you or you'll just have to accept that she isn't open to friendship.

She may just not be very good at remembering faces, or perhaps her eyesight is a bit weak. I occasionally go out without my glasses and then a couple of days later, someone will say that I ignored them in the street, when actually, I didn’t see them at all.

And I’m useless with faces - I need context to figure out who someone is. I once did a 16 mile sponsored walk over quite strenuous terrain with a woman who clearly knew who I was because she asked after my kids, but I hadn’t a clue who she was. Then I went into the local library, and the librarian I chatted with every week for years asked me if I’d got over the walk yet, because her thighs were still aching.

Please don’t assume it’s personal and take offence. Just be your normal charming self, and be charitable when interpreting her intentions.

I had a neighbour who was friendly then suddenly turned into the neighbour from hell. Her last mistake was to corner my teenage daughter in the garage and accused her of stealing her peg bag!! She was not someone you could have a rational conversation with.

It’s not likely to be personal or anything you’ve done. She’s just a bully so be polite but wary. If you appear to take no notice she’ll probably move on to someone else.

Game playing with others emotions seems to have become a pastime for some!