Red flag/Dealbreaker

Everyone has credit cards

No they don't

NO! NO! That was bad form on his part .....
Run a mile. Dump him.

Thanks so much everyone. I honestly didn’t expect to get such a huge response! I think I knew deep down what I needed to do but wanted to know what others would do.

I genuinely was caught so off guard as had had a really nice time. The plan was we were going to go for a coffee but as we had walked so long and in an area where there was literally no place open until we got back to our cars that that never happened and after I’d given him the money there was no way I was suggesting one as felt I’d prob be left paying. As I was needing to get home for my granddaughter I was able to say it was time for me to go. I think I was so gobsmacked and it was only after getting home and sleeping on it I feel cringey and embarrassed for him but really put off and unattracted now aswell. There is no going back on how I feel I don’t think. I’m slightly disappointed as he did seem nice but going to go with my gut and everyone’s advice has helped me to just do that. It won’t put me off dating but I will just continue to enjoy my own company again for a while and that of my friends and family.

call it a 20 quid lesson and cut all contact.

If you said you only use cards I wonder what he would have done! Say goodbye to your money and to him. Enjoy your life without this kind of person. Lesson learned!

Yes, call it a day and tell him to keep the £20. I think if you carried on and kept seeing him you could end losing more money than just £20. There are loads of nice guys out there so I wouldn't let it put you off going on the dating sites again.

This is a scam. It isn’t unheard of for men to extract quite a large amount of money from women they met on a dating site. Then they move on to the next victim.

So you were walking 5 hours and didn't even have a coffee. Not saying he should buy both but that sounds like a cheapskate to me anyway. And then he asked you for cash! I do think if you hadn't lent it to him you might not have seen him again, or he might have turned nasty. All you actually know about him is what he has told you - it could all be rubbish. And the £20 sort of means he has a ready-made reason to meet you again even if you didn't want to. I think go with your instincts and don't meet him again, say he can keep the £20 and block his number.

OH lent a fairly newish friend money which we didn't see again. Not a fortune, but we had a young family and it was a lot for us. Turned out, when he disappeared, that quite a few people had lent money to him. I didn't like him much anyway so decided the money was the price we paid for getting him out of our lives and put it out of my mind. I think £20 is a reasonable price to pay for getting this man out of your life.

5 hours walking and no stop for coffee or anything to eat? Odd. Everyone has credit cards and so he didn't need cash to get petrol. As others pointed out he knew how far it was and how much he had. A first date. Not a chance he is genuine or decent. I actually would have said I could not lend him any as haven't got cash on me and although I'm managing it is a bad time for me, lots of bills just needed to be paid. I'm pretty sure he was able to get home. Not your problem if not. To need help from a date the first time you meet? No.

Whoa - tread carefully here. There are so many con artists on dating sites at the moment. It’s very unusual that somebody comes out on a date without any money and you need to ask yourself if he’s borrowing money this early in your relationship how do you think it’ll work out in the future. Move on to somebody who is more solvent.

Difficult, because I have just been in conversation with someone who is as honest as the day , as she was a tenant of mine for 5 years.
She text me in some excitement as she thought she had met the love of her life. She was furloughed and struggling to keep up with him as he was employed. He was buying food and motoring a reasonable way to stay with her. However she was struggling with bills and petrol money. She was too terrified to tell her new love her problems as she didn’t want him to think she wanted sympathy or money. She was desperate to see more of him but she couldn’t. She was asking my advice and certainly wouldn’t accept money from me.
So not all is as it seems.
He recently dumped her anyway.

What a drip! How could he!

You need to be going out with someone who is solvent. It’s a basic criteria isn’t it. Sounds like a whole lot of trouble to take on. Don’t get involved further

You hardly know him and he had the cheek to ask for money,
what a cheapskate. If he had no fuel in the car he should have waited until he had money to top up his car and then suggested another date. It's not a crime to be a bit short of money but asking you to help him out is too soon in the grand scheme of things. I would move on and fast about it.

Mmmmnn, furloughed on FULL PAY, obviously he can’t manage his money month to month, probably has no savings hence no card, do you really want to end up with a man who has no money, savings and can’t manage his money. Alarm bells would be ringing loud and clear as to who would be treating who etc?

This may sound mean but...
I would find it deeply unattractive that a guy I had just met didn't even have £20 to his name for petrol to meet me. Why would he want you knowing that?
Any normal person wouldn't, and would instead be borrowing it from their neighbour or a friend to conceal the fact. So there's plenty wrong with him

Don’t wast anymore time on him !

alarm bells! asking for money full stop - let alone on only second date............nah, wave goodbyse

He actually asked you
“how are you for money?” So you said ok , which put you in the position of feeling unable to refuse. What a trickster!

This man may be innocent and genuine. However this is a grooming scenario too. If he's grooming you he'll give you the £20 back on Monday and keep romancing you. Then in a few weeks time he'll ask for £200 and he'll pay you that back. In the end you'll get used to loaning him money and feel secure because he's always paid you back. Then he goes for the large amount and disappears or simply fails to pay you back then asks you for more. You give him more because he'll have a really good reason why he needs it and until the last time he's always paid you back. This will continue as you get dragged further and further into the scheme and hand over more and more money. Eventually you're in so far that you feel you have to keep giving because he's now telling you that he needs the money to make enough money to pay you back. As you were groomed and hooked a long time before you give him it and keep giving until you have nothing left.

Someone suggested you ask him to mail it to you. Please don't do that, because then he would have your home address!!!!!!!

I agree with all comments here. I got suckered in and ended up marrying mine after falling for his sob stories and excuses.

These people are confidence tricksters. They are good at it.

My husband told me just before we split up that the silliest thing he ever did was marry a woman with a conscience !

Terrible what a cheek he had. Just forget about him and call it a day.

Id have said no, im afraid.or at least just lent him a fiver for enough petrol to get home..He sounds like a waste of time.Dump him now.

Walk away now, he's only known you five minutes and asking for money already. That's how it starts, the odd £10 or £20 and it escalates. There was a good programme on BBC not long ago and some ladies had taken loans out and given £30,000 and £40,000 to men they had never met but promised the earth. They always made excuses and always had money coming to them or in the bank they couldn't access.