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Red flag/Dealbreaker

(155 Posts)
ILE35 Sat 17-Apr-21 08:05:07

After being on my own for about 7 years I briefly went on a couple dating sites. I got talking to one guy in particular who seems chatty and friendly and interested in similar things to myself.

He’s phoned and video chatted regularly and seems lovely so we arranged to go a walk which went well, followed by a further walking date yesterday. We were together for about 5 hours just walking and chatting.

As we headed back to our cars he out of the blue asked me how I was for money to which I replied that I was ok. He then proceeded to ask me if I could loan him £20 for petrol as he’s struggling at the minute and wasn’t sure if he’d get home! I was so taken aback but to avoid awkwardness I gave him it.

He’s been furloughed on full pay for a year and claims to always be busy doing diy jobs so I’d have thought should have enough money to see himself through the month.

When I got home there were messages thanking me and saying I’ll get it back on Monday and how much he enjoyed our day and couldn’t wait to see me again.

I’ve slept on it and feel any attraction towards this guy is dwindling fast. Would others feel the same or agree to meet again and give him a chance?

I kinda feel like saying keep the £20 and calling it a day 😕

tanith Sat 17-Apr-21 08:08:44

I agree with your instincts, the fact he can’t manage his money would also be a red flag never mind asking to borrow from you.

Nanabanana1 Sat 17-Apr-21 08:11:04

I think your instinct is right, call it a day.
You can kiss your £20 goodbye I think.
Good luck.

silverlining48 Sat 17-Apr-21 08:11:42

That’s really cheeky. Think I would also be inclined to call it a day.

Vickysponge Sat 17-Apr-21 08:14:02

I think your last paragraph perfectly sums up what I would do. 🙂

Iam64 Sat 17-Apr-21 08:21:31

Your last paragraph sums it up. Be relieved it’s only cost £20 and some disappointment to end this now.

ILE35 Sat 17-Apr-21 08:28:02

Thanks everyone for the feedback and I’m going to go with my gut on this and call it a day.

I’d rather lose £20 now than a lot more a bit down the line when feeling have maybe developed although the way I’m feeling now it’s unlikely. I would just be far too proud to ask someone for money like that. He also doesn’t get paid for nearly another 10 days so can see it being more than a one off.

He seemed a catch but I did joke with a couple friends there will be issues somewhere. Just puts you off! I’ll stick to my own company again lol 😏

NotAGran55 Sat 17-Apr-21 08:28:04

As others have said , write it off to experience .
What would he have done if you hadn’t got any cash with you!

ILE35 Sat 17-Apr-21 08:30:51

NotAGran55 that went through my mind too. I’d rather he had arranged the meet up for when he could afford it. Not that it was even an expensive date. We walked the full time without stopping for as much as a coffee. Oh well, glad others feel the same and it’s helped make my mind up.

Lexisgranny Sat 17-Apr-21 08:31:30

He must have been aware of how much petrol it would take to get to your meeting point and back, therefore he must have either planned or assumed that you would go to his assistance. Follow your own instinct, tell him to keep the money. Then don’t answer his calls or texts and delete him from your phone. Mark it down to experience and be thankful that you only lost £20, it could have been so much worse.

Sarnia Sat 17-Apr-21 08:33:13

Alarm bells would ring with me. It may only be £20 now but who knows what it may be further down the line should you stay with him. Let him keep the money and put it down to experience.

foxie48 Sat 17-Apr-21 08:36:13

Wow, red flag the size of Wales! If he'd arrrived all flustered and said he'd come without his wallet and the tank was on red could he borrow a fiver just to get home I'd have laughed lent him £20, enjoyed the walk and then reviewed his suitability. then rejected him because I like organised people!

BlueBelle Sat 17-Apr-21 08:49:37

Big big big alarm bells, that was just a taster ...you gave him £20 he probably would have given it back to build your confidence in him he would have reeled you in more and more then there would have been some ‘real crisis’ for a larger sum
You were being groomed well done for seeing through it and not letting your heart rule your head

Shame about the next lady who may not be so savvy

Mary59nana Sat 17-Apr-21 08:49:52

Alarm bells ringing like Big Ben
I have also found that online dating is a minefield and you have to be very carful,

Being on your own is a far better position to be in than caught up in a net of lies deceit and a bad fish

Oopsadaisy1 Sat 17-Apr-21 09:22:16

You were very lucky he showed his hand so early in your relationship .

The words ‘touch’ and ‘bargepole’ spring to mind.

timetogo2016 Sat 17-Apr-21 09:24:57

I agree with all thats been posted, i can`t add any better advice.

Calendargirl Sat 17-Apr-21 09:29:40

Would have felt like saying “Sorry, I didn’t bring my purse with me as I assumed we wouldn’t need any money to go walking”.

As others have said, apart from anything else, if he’s so disorganised not to have sufficient petrol in his car, he sounds like a waste of space.....

TerriBull Sat 17-Apr-21 10:03:45

The suspicious side of me would question whether asking for a relatively small amount of money would be his entree into asking for more on subsequent meet ups. Maybe he was assessing your reaction to gauge whether you may be a soft touch. I think asking you how you were fixed financially on a first meeting is a complete no no and based on that I would definitely draw a line under any expectations from a relationship with this person. Absolutely go with your instincts the flag is very red indeed I'd say!

bongobil Sat 17-Apr-21 10:39:27

Alarm bells big time, please do yourself a favour and get rid of him!

Bluesmum Sat 17-Apr-21 10:41:18

Well, I have just realised how very naive and unstreetwise I am! Thank you ladies for opening my eyes !!!

Tanjamaltija Sat 17-Apr-21 10:41:39

He's hoping you'll meet him on Monday and say keep the money. So tell him to post you the money, so you're not out of pocket, if you want to give him your address; or use one of a friend. Then, block him.

Shirlb Sat 17-Apr-21 10:41:46

Why not wait to see if you do get it back?

Americanpie Sat 17-Apr-21 10:41:54

You are right to trust your gut feelings. I've never been wrong trusting my gut and the only time I ignored it my car was broken into! Good luck for the future.

TrendyNannie6 Sat 17-Apr-21 10:41:56

Well I wouldn’t be seeing him again, just in it for money, you’ve had a lucky escape

4allweknow Sat 17-Apr-21 10:43:39

So he doesn't have cash on a Friday but will come Monday. What's he going to be doing to find the cash over a weekend. And, why did he not arrange to meet up on Monday when he would cash to cover his petrol instead if Friday. Say goodbye now.