Red flag/Dealbreaker

To all those saying give him a chance to pay you back, of course he'll pay you back - but well done ILE35 for listening to your instincts here!

If he's doing the grooming thing it's obvious he's not going to live off £20 per person he dates. He'll pay back the £20 so that you get used to him occasionally borrowing and repaying smallish amounts, then comes the sting with the large 'unexpected bill' and that's when he disappears with your money! He just didn't give it much time before he started with it only being a second date, but I suppose people like him have learnt to move quickly in these COVID times.

Ps further to my previous comment don’t let it put you off dating in future - our family has only come across one person who I would call toxic and to be avoided at all costs.

Agree, alarm bells ringing very loud, £20 now may be innocent enough but the next ask could be for a larger amount. Its so sad we have to look on the dark side but so many have been taken in and lost a lot of money. What a sad world we live in!

Totally......

Big red flag right there. He must have known he was low on fuel. No write him off as a no no.

Lots of sound advice - I’d run too.
Just don’t let him lure you back with the return of the £20 - it sounds like the start of a toxic relationship and people can be very clever at manipulating others, especially if you start caring for them. Have seen it in action in my own family (over a couple of years too - what were we thinking??!) We were certainly duped at first and kept making excuses when we should have all acted. We now can’t believe we didn’t act on all the red flags and alarm bells we saw and the family member was left a shell of the person they were. The other thing to remember is - these toxic people can’t change even if they want to (which btw they don’t!) so please don’t think you’re the one who can change them. From extensive reading I’ve found these personality disorders can’t be changed - therapy just helps them hide it better!

Not sounding good ....but I think you would be wise to stay clear ....£20 could soon turn into £2,000 and more ...go with your instincts and explain if you feel you need to, that you have an issue with money yourself (even if you don't) ..BUT if he does call to see you again, I would go just to see if you do get your money back ...if he is saying he doesn't get any money for another 10 days it is unlikely ...what is he go ing to do until then for food, petrol, etc ....if you meet him, take home made sandwiches and a flask of coffee .........and see how keen he is then .............good luck !

Instincts are usually right - move on

Even if he pays you back as promised do you really want to start a relationship with someone who hasn't £20 to their name.
Don't get involved, or listen to any excuses.

If he was too skint to meet you then get home again, he should have told you before the date.
He put you in a position where it was difficult for you to say no. He strikes me as either feckless or manipulative.

Thin end of the wedge!

That would have put me off straightaway. It was worth the £20 to get shut of him

Go with your heart and call it a day, meet him see if you get your money back but be very wary and be thankful you got off lightly. It’s a shame, he may be genuinely strapped but you hear of such dreadful scams like this that just get far worse.. you sound a wise woman please be careful.......

I could never trust anybody who I’ve on,y met a couple of times who then asks for money. You must be very wary as the £20 could next be £200, and so on. Take great care.

Also, I do hope you tell somebody where you are going when you go walking with this person.

It was second date not first as some are saying.

Wait til Monday before you do anything.

If you get your money back, that's fine. Thank him, and don't make a new date. Tell him you are not sure what you will be doing for the next week, as you have various things to attend to.

Then in a couple of days, you can phone and say thank you for the dates you have had, but you are not interested in keeping up the friendship.

You are under no obligation to tell him why.

If Monday comes and no money, nor contact from him, which experience rather suggests might be the case, get in touch and ask when you can expect the money you lent him back.

If he starts making excuses, you know where you are.

I would point out that you lent him the money on the condition that it was to be returned on Monday and that you would not have given him it, if you had not believed him when he said he would have it for you on Monday.

If in the course of next week he doesn't turn up with the money or contact you, then by all means drop him.

If he asks for an explanation, say right out that you cannot trust a person who doesn't pay back a loan on time.

ILE35 a big red light warning.. surprised you needed to ask what others think.

Some brilliant advice in these comments..........although, out of curiosity I might have considered a second date to see what happened. If he asked for more money I'd give him his marching orders but he would be told in no uncertain terms that he is preying on women to exploit them for money and make it known in the dating sites just what kind of bloke he is.

What a ‘creepy’ chap! Run, run, run! At least you know where you are with him... nowhere! Best of luck... one had to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet a Prince! This chap was not even as good as a frog ? though. ?

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I hate to say it but I think he was so enthusiastic about your day that he realized he would be able to “borrow” again and, perhaps, even more next time!

Was it a fun date? Did you pay for it?
Stick with the old adage - don't lend anything you wouldn't be prepared to give away.
If he is furloughed and doing DIY chances are he is making absolutely enough and what's more if he really is into you he would rather walk than embarrass himself by asking; and more to the point embarrass YOU by asking.

See what Monday brings - hopefully your money ! He might surprise you ? My Mum used to say ' never a lender nor a borrower be ' you can use that quote if you ever see him again .
stay safe x

jaylucy

Nah this is a well known grooming method.
You'd be shocked at what people can do .

I’m glad to read that you have followed your instincts on this one. ?